By
Phantom Troublemaker
I
generally don’t like using lists as posts, but sometimes it’s the
way to go. Like, for instance, when Hasbro has announced that they’re
bringing back the line of action figures that you’ve been crying
about for what seems like years.
I
know I’ve mentioned this countless times here and on Facebook, but
my current Star Wars collection is Hasbro’s super articulated 3.75”
figures and accompanying vehicles. I have other items here and there,
but my main focus has been on that style since it was introduced in
2005(ish). I have hundreds
of figures and vehicles and at this point in my life I’m not
changing size or format. If Hasbro had been done with this style,
then I’d be done, too.
They’ve
been stringing us along with their mostly shitty Walmart Exclusive
3.75” Black Collection for a couple of years now. It’s an
overpriced line that consists of repackaged figures that have been
previously released and an extremely
limited selection of primary characters from current movies. Finding
the figures I want has been a nightmare because Walmart is literally
the worst place in America to buy toys from. But I’ve managed to
find all but one of the figures I want and I’m not even sure that
one – a variant of the Scarif Stormtooper – ever even hit retail.
This
past weekend at Star Wars Celebration, Hasbro announced the return of
the Vintage Collection, which was a deluxe series of 3.75” figures.
It will be mass market and not exclusive and in all likelihood will
carry the same $13ish price tag, but at least I’ll be able to find
them. For a few waves, anyway.
In
a way, Hasbro’s shitty Walmart Exclusive Black Series might have
been brilliant. Those of us that collect that style have been
starving basically since before the 6” Black Series was introduced,
so we won’t be resistant to the move from $10 to $13. I still
remember when the prices hit $10 and I felt like it was too much. Now
I’ll gladly pay three dollars more if it means I can resume
collecting my precious Star Wars characters.
The
key thing about the Vintage Collection is that Hasbro is going to
have
to do a better job with character selection than they have with the
Black Series or even in the later days of the last run of the Vintage
Collection. Obviously primary characters are the cornerstone of any
line, so repaints or retoolings of those Walmart Black Series The
Force Awakens
and Rogue
One
releases are fine. If it helps the line, I’d be happy to buy
another Han with the proper hair color or a few more Deathtroopers.
But if Hasbro wants to keep collectors happy – and let’s face it,
that’s who this line is for – they’re going to have to return
to their old habits of producing those deep cut characters like
Willrow Hood and Bazine Netal.
There
are also opportunities to revisit characters that Hasbro still
hasn’t gotten quite right in all the years that they’ve been
producing this style of action figure. I’ll start with one of those
that has, in the past couple of years, been receiving the recognition
he has always deserved.
Note:
This is the “top of my head” list. With more time I could no
doubt go deeper and wider, but I’m all excited from the
announcement and these are the releases that are occurring to me
first.
Grand
Moff Tarkin
– There have been five 3.75” action figures of Wilhuff Tarkin,
the main
villain
of the very first Star
Wars
movie, and the first one didn’t even come out until 1997. And none
of them are great. Most have the wrong color uniform (Tarkin’s is
olive green, not grey, because he is not a member of the Imperial
Navy). Some have bad likenesses. The one that comes closest to being
best has a terrible
soft goods skirt that is supposed to be the bottom of his tunic but
instead looks like… a skirt. My favorite is the one from the
Imperial Briefing box set that came out in 2006, but neither the
articulation nor likeness are up to today’s standards (that’s
still a fantastic box set, though).
In
short, we need a 3.75” Tarkin as good as the Black Series version
that was shown at Celebration. It should be easy enough to scale
down, so I have high hopes that I’ll be able to cross this off the
list.
General
Hux
– Hasbro released Walmart Black Series versions of Phasma, Kylo
Ren, and First Order Stormtroopers, but we didn’t get a Hux. Like
Tarkin, he’s basically the main villain of his movie! Sure, Kylo
gets style points and his stupid face on pillows and curtains or
whatever, but Hux blew
up the entire New Republic.
And delivered an incredible speech right before he did it. Plus he
has a cool coat. Not enough Star Wars figures have cool coats.
Basically Han in Jedi
and Cad Bane and that’s it.
The
Crew of the Ghost
– Give me this in a box set. Slap whatever price you want on it, I
don’t care. DO NOT MAKE IT SDCC EXCLUSIVE. I’m already feeling
pre-denial pains from not being able to get the awesome Thrawn set
that will be at this year’s convention. And I was sure I didn’t
need more Thrawn figures – I’m super happy with my Sideshow
version and the one that came out as part of 2008’s Legacy
Collection.
Okay,
back to the Rebels
cast. I want Ezra, Kanan, Hera, Sabine, Zeb, and Chopper done in a
realistic style. They need to be from the most recent season
possible, which might well be the third given the amount of time it
would take to get this done. There are plenty of other characters
from the show I’d want to see, but I feel like these characters are
a must for my collection. They’re now a core part of Star Wars
canon.
Obviously
I’d like a toy Ghost,
as well, but in today’s market that would probably cost $500.
Governor
Pryce
– Yes, I’m picking recent bad guy Arihnda Pryce over more active
and higher-profile villains like the Inquisitors or the recently
reformed Agent Kallus. I just finished reading Timothy Zahn’s
Thrawn
and the degree to which it utilizes and fleshes out her character is
amazing. She is not only a
key player in Thrawn’s career, but provides a fascinating look into
the workings of the Empire.
Side
Note: I’m not a huge fan of the Inquisitors. I’ve always had
mixed feelings about second-tier Force users. Although it looks like
Episode
VIII might
be about to turn the whole Jedi and Sith situation on end.
The
Entire Rogue One Team
– We got Walmart Exclusive releases of Jyn and Cassian, but that’s
it. Not even a K-2S0. I don’t care if they’re a box set or spread
out over a number of waves, but I have to have figures of Baze,
Chirrut, Bodhi, and K-2S0. And once they’re on the shelf, Hasbro
needs to produce Krennic, Galen, Saw Gerrera, plenty of the new
Stormtrooper variations, a new Mon Mothma, Captain Antilles, General
Dodonna, Weeteef, the Two-Tubes brothers, General Merrick, and
EVERYONE ELSE IN THE DAMN MOVIE.
I
like Rogue
One a
lot. And you can see how spoiled I was by Hasbro’s glory years of
releasing everyone.
I still can’t get used to the idea of having to accept that there
are some characters that just aren’t going to get made. Of course,
part of the problem is Disney’s new annual release schedule. There
simply isn’t time like there used to be.
But
I would absolutely buy every last character I just named. And Moroff.
Gotta have Moroff.
Zutton
– I don’t even know if this is his name anymore, but I don’t
see why Disney would go to the trouble of changing it.
I
want two versions of the Cantina (oh, how I miss typing “Chalmun’s
Cantina” and getting to feel all superior) alien colloquially known
as “Snaggletooth”. I want a screen-accurate version in his little
red jumpsuit that looks like the prototype for the Visitor uniforms
from V,
but I also want the taller version in disco boots and a blue jumpsuit
that was Kenner’s (wrong) interpretation of the character.
When
the first Snaggletooth figure was released as a Sears Exclsuive in
1978, Kenner hadn’t gotten the best look at the character, so their
figure was too tall and in entirely the wrong costume. Much like
Hasbro releasing Constable Zuvio decades later, Kenner simply didn’t
have enough information to go on. This resulted in one of my favorite
action figure variations of all time and I’ll gladly buy both
versions in a super articulated style.
Side
Note: Any retailer that is still trying to sell Zuvio for more than a
dollar is run by morons.
Darth
Tyranus
– Sir Christopher Lee’s character, Count Dooku, was a massively
important part of Palpatine’s ascension to Emperor, but I am not
happy with any of the figures I’ve seen. I have owned a few
different versions and have settled on the 2010 Target Exclusive version for display, but this guy deserves an upgrade. An evil
upgrade. I’d like to see an accurate face sculpt with a less benign
countenance. Most of the past releases also have odd sculpt decisions
and some wonky articulation, so I think there’s plenty of room for
improvement. This would have to be an almost completely new figure.
Retooling wouldn’t get the job done.
Lobot
– This guy’s last figure came out in 2004 and it shows. It has
the old cut joints at the elbows and nothing below the hips. It’s a
travesty, especially after learning his backstory in Charles Soule’s
excellent Lando
miniseries from Marvel. I realize he might not be high on everyone’s
list, but every time I look at my Cloud City area, Lobot’s elbows
make me sad.
Bib
Fortuna
– The most recent Bib Fortuna came out eleven years ago, was only
in a box set, and looks like hot trash. He has some crazy facial
expression where he looks like he’s screaming, which I don’t
remember him doing a whole lot. He also has a sculpted robe that
basically makes him a statue. The original Kenner figure is better.
But we need an upgrade, perhaps with a soft goods robe similar to the
original and a more sedate portrait. Just like a Lando with a lousy
Lobot, Jabba isn’t the same with a stiff, lunatic Bib hanging out
behind him.
Tessek
– Like Zutton, I don’t even know that Squid Head’s canon name
is still Tessek.
It’s
been sixteen
years
since we got a figure of one of my favorite aliens from the entire
Star Wars franchise. I have to admit that the 2001 Power of the Jedi
release was pretty good, but he could use an update that mixes the
original’s use of soft goods with modern design techniques.
You’ll
notice that a lot of these are simply updates and not really
characters that haven’t been made. That’s because I can sit here
and think about the figures that occupy my shelves that I’m not
happy with. Maybe some of these will happen, maybe they won’t.
Either way I’m delighted that my favorite action figure line to
collect is coming back next year!
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