I
turned 40 last Tuesday, which means this post would have probably
been a bit more relevant to put up then. But I didn’t think of the
idea until just now because I AM AN OLD MAN AND MY BRAIN IS SLOWING
DOWN.
Thirty
years ago I was ten years old, which means I was still at optimal
receptiveness for the things that would in 2016 evoke fond memories
and feelings of nostalgia. I got the idea for this post from the
first Dragon Con panel I was a part of – 1982: Best Sci-Fi Movie
Year Ever? (or some such thing). We had a great discussion about the
movies that came out that year. Sadly nobody recorded it, but I
thoroughly enjoyed having a topic that was both broad and focused. It
was only 1982 sci-fi movies, but there were plenty to discuss!
Over
the next few weeks I’m going to touch on a broad range of pop
culture subjects from 1986 – movies, toys, TV – and just share
some memories about the things that affected me the most. Today I’m
starting with the toys and cartoons (all of which are related)
because this is, after all, Needless Things.
From Serpentor’s Lair
GI
JOE
I
have to start with the Joes. In 1986 GI Joe was my primary interest
and to this day I have more affection for the Real American Hero
franchise than just about any other pop culture trend. I think 1985
was probably the peak year for the best toy line ever because that
was when the cartoon debuted and the comics and toy line were going
strong, but 1986 was no slouch.
In
my opinion, it was the
best
year for GI Joe toy releases. Not that all of my favorites came out
that year – they didn’t. But because every single release was
awesome and a must-have part of any collection. Thirty years ago we
saw the release of the first B.A.T., Beachhead, Dial-Tone, the much
cooler second version of Roadblock, Mainframe, Low-Light, the first
Viper, Zartan’s siblings, and SO MANY MORE! The single card figures
from ’86 stand out to me as the best of the line.
On
the vehicle front, we got the H.A.V.O.C., the Tomahawk, and the
Dreadnoks’ first dedicated vehicle, the Thunder Machine! Add to
that Serpentor and his Sky Sled and Sgt. Slaughter with the Triple T
and a few other unique, fun toys and you’ve got a heck of a year.
From
YoJoe.com
1986
also saw the release of the Special Missions: Brazil set. This was a
Toys R Us Exclusive that included a cassette tape featuring an audio
play of the titular mission. My mom bought the set for me as a
surprise and I was blown away by the fact that there were different
versions of Dial-Tone, Leatherneck, Mainframe, and Wet-Suit and a
whole new figure called Claymore. Well, new-ish. He was made of
farmed parts. But still – this was a new Joe that wasn’t
available anywhere else. I was so proud of the fact that I had these
Joe variants that none of my friends had.
You
guys – I am not even done yet. Hasbro also released COBRA’s first
headquarters playset (if you don’t count Sears Exclusives) in the
form of the Terror Drome! It was one of the most epic toys of my
childhood and I still have around seventy percent of mine. Maybe
sixty. I’m sure you’d like to hear more about the Terrordrome.
Maybe another day. I’ve still got a ton of ground to cover here.
As
far as the cartoon, this was the year that saw the introductions of
both Serpentor and Sgt. Slaughter. I love the Arise,
Serpentor, Arise!
miniseries and the idea
of Serpentor. The execution was never there (until we got to DDP’s
excellent comic book run). Sarge, on the other hand, was the most
delightful thing to ever happen to animation because he was a bona
fide WWF/AWA wrestler and he did the voice work himself! The cartoon
was canceled late in the year, which broke my heart. Fortunately,
something else popped up to ease the pain…
The
Real Ghostbusters
GI
Joe was not the only toy line that had an amazing year. Several
landmark lines debuted, most of which I only had bits and pieces of
because my parents mostly kept to allowing me to collect one line at
a time. And in 1986 this
almost killed me.
The
Real Ghostbusters toy line debuted in 1986. I would count it as one
of the best licensed lines of all time, though there was one blight
on an otherwise fantastic collection – the Stay Puft Marshmallow
Man was too small. Nowadays we’re lucky if a giant monster is even
a third the size that it should be in relation to the rest of a line
(see the current Giant Man build-a-figure), but back in the 80s
gigantic toys were no big deal. There’s no way a twelve or even
sixteen inch Mr. Stay Puft wouldn’t have sold like crazy. This
always bothered me.
Otherwise
the line was an outstanding combination of fun and good likenesses
from the animated series. Granted, almost none of the ghosts actually
appeared on the show, but they were all great designs. The human
figures were larger and less articulated than I liked, but the
features were so much fun and the line so jam-packed with ghosts that
I wanted every single release. Somehow or other I did convince my mom
to break the “one line at a time” rule and the first Real
Ghostbusters toy I got was an orange ghost called “Squisher”.
It
was surprising that Mom broke the rule, but even more surprising that
she did it for a toy that featured slime of any kind. Slime, ooze,
ectoplasm, or snotty liquids of any kind were strictly verboten in
our home.
I
managed to obtain all four Ghostbusters and some of the Fright
Features figures, but I never got any more ghosts. I can’t for the
life of me remember why. Probably had to do with the Ectoplasm.
Speaking
of which, The
Real Ghostbusters animated
series debuted late in the year and will forever be my true canon to
follow up the original movie. It featured intriguing stories from
notable writers such as J. Michael Straczynski, Chuck Menville, and
Steve Perry (not to be confused with the Journey guy). The animation
was top notch and the voice actors were very good, even if they
didn’t sound exactly like Peter, Egon, Winston, and Ray. Now I look
at it as the finest animated series of its time (yes, even over GI
Joe),
even if I hated Egon’s stupid hair back then.
Inhumanoids
Many
of you guys know that this was the
toy line that I always wanted and never had. There were three
gigantic monsters – about the size a Stay Puft Marshmallow Man
should have been – that were undoubtedly the centerpieces of the
line. There was nothing else in the toy aisles quite like Metlar,
Tendril, and D’Compose. There were also smaller monsters made of
rocks, trees, and lava. They all had light piping gimmicks, which I’m
not typically a big fan of, but they worked really well and were
present throughout all of the monsters in the line, so there was a
uniformity to them.
There
were also four humans in big monster fighting suits and two
lackluster vehicles. I’m a good ways into completing the line now,
but I think I’m going to skip the vehicles.
In
my opinion these Hasbro toys were absolutely the coolest things that
came out in the 80s. I had a couple of the human figures, but my mom
would not budge on buying me the monsters. They were pricey and gross
and she just was not having it. I had Liquidator and Dr. Derek Bright
and that was it. They were intended to be 3.75” scale humans in
large mech suits, so they worked with Joes except that they had no
monsters to fight in their suits that were clearly
designed to fight monsters.
I
remember tuning in to the initial five part miniseries – The
Evil That Lies Within
– back when it first aired, but I don’t remember the eight
episodes that followed. It was produced by Sunbow, the same company
that made GI
Joe: A Real American Hero,
but I don’t remember it being as good. I haven’t bothered
tracking the show down. I assume I will someday, especially now that
I’m making headway on the toy line.
Check
back Wednesday if you’d like to know what I would do if I was in
charge of a modern Inhumanoids revival.
 |
| From this excellent foreign Centurions Article |
Centurions
I
was either a master negotiator or exceptionally whiny when I was ten
because I had bits and pieces of a bunch of toy lines. Mom insists I
was a good kid, so I’m assuming I finagled her with the promise of
doing chores.
This
line featured larger scale figures with big pieces of armor,
accessories, and weapons that plugged into ports on their bodies.
Looking back, they had a lot of play value but weren’t the most
exciting-looking toys. Shockingly, the Centurions got sixty-five
episodes for their cartoon series versus the thirteen that were
produced for the Inhumanoids.
For more on Centurions, check out Kalan's excellent Best Cartoon Ever (of the month)!
I’m
sure there were a few smaller lines here and there, but these, to me,
are the Big Deals of 1986. Every year in the 80s seemed to have a
batch of new, amazing toy lines that would go on to great success,
cementing their place in pop culture history or die after one series;
also going on to cement their place in pop culture history.
Chances
are I’ll revisit this topic and look at other years, but be sure to
check back next Monday for my post about the movies of 1986!
If
you want a chuckle, check out this
poorly-informed article
about the top-selling toys from Christmas in 1986. Five inch GI Joes!
Planes that turn into trucks! Madness!
Also,
join the Needless
Things Podcast Facebook Group
and get in on the conversation! Let me know what you
think!
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