It
references Hasbro’s plans for the separate Transformers and GI Joe
Collector’s Clubs, mainly the fact that Hasbro appears to be ending
their relationship with Fun Publications, who run the Collector’s
Clubs and the related Cons.
I’ve
gotten off track.
The
point is that Hasbro sent out a sort of farewell letter saying to
stay tuned for future news about the Transformers Collector Club and…
that was it. Nothing about the Joe club.
Between
that and Hasbro’s Toy Fair statement that there will be no new GI
Joe product in stores for 2016, I think it’s time to give A Real
American Hero leave for the time being. And I don’t think it’s
unreasonable for Hasbro to put the brand on the shelf.
Er,
pull it off the shelf. You know what I mean.
I
don’t know about you guys, but last year’s 50th
Anniversary offerings didn’t excite me. Out of everything they
offered I wanted Gung-Ho and Low Light. That’s it. Everything else
was repaints or minor retoolings or characters I just don’t
particularly need. When I have notable gaps in my collection like
Cover Girl, Dial-Tone, Iceberg, Cross Country, Crystal Ball, Raptor,
Sneak Peek, Law & Order, Psyche-Out, and the aforementioned
Cobra-La, I can’t get excited about the fourth repaint of
Blowtorch.
First
– yes, these are characters that to
me are
essential.
Second
– yes, I know that many of those were offered as part of the
Collector’s Club. But as I mentioned I am not paying north of
twenty-five bucks for a GI Joe figure. Plus however much it was to
sign up for the club in the first place. GI Joe is one of my first
and best loves, but my heart will go on without Dial-Tone. Having
said that, now that I have dabbled a bit in trading I would gladly
trade a number of things I have for the above figures.
I
don’t know if it would have made a difference if Hasbro had offered
something different for the Fiftieth. I do feel like they should have
had some kind of sixth scale Exclusive since that’s what the
anniversary was actually for, but what was offered didn’t feel
special or inspired. It felt like the best they could do with what
remained of an ailing line that fans seemed to have lost interest in
and the general public had forgotten. Because that’s basically what
it was.
The
social climate has changed and the world isn’t what it was in the
sixties when GI Joe was first introduced or the eighties when GI Joe:
A Real American Hero ruled the toy aisles. I feel like the military
isn’t as aspirational and inspiring as it once was. Not to me,
personally, but to the general public. I don’t want to get
political, but so many of America’s actions over the last two
decades have come across as non-heroic and have certainly been
interpreted that way by the American media.
What
I’m trying to say is that kids aren’t looking at toys of soldiers
and tanks and thinking, “That’s awesome – that’s something
I’d like to have adventures with!”
Unfortunately
for the Joes, the brand isn’t as capable of adapting and evolving
like other classic license such as Transformers or Teenage Mutant
Ninja Turtles. It’s not its own entity in the way that Star Wars is
and it has a narrower definition than superhero stuff. If you don’t
like to play army, you’re not interested. If Hasbro removed the
military aspect, it’s just a bunch of adventure guys. That’s sort
of what they attempted with the last cartoon, and that was terrible.
Well, I thought it was terrible. It got cancelled after one season
and the related toys tanked, so what do I know?
I
thought Stephen Sommers did a fine job with the first live action
movie. It preserved the wilder elements of the 80s cartoon while
updating the characters and settings to something suitable for a
popcorn-fare movie. I’ve written more
than enough
concerning my feelings about the tone of GI Joe and what it should
be. Grim and gritty is not what I want. IDW’s comics, while
well-written and featuring mostly nice art, were not what I wanted
from the franchise. The 2009 movie was.
Many
fans didn’t like it, though. I have no idea what went on behind the
scenes or who decided what, but the sequel was very different. It was
more drab and subdued, and the Joe team consisted of about six people
that rarely shared screen time all at once. They did not feel like
the world’s elite fighting force. I enjoyed the movie, but I hate
it when the team is disbanded or decommissioned or depowered in some
other way. It’s like when writers can’t figure out how to tell a
good Superman story without using Kryptonite. It shows a lack of
creativity and, quite frankly, respect for the franchise.
GI
Joe: Retaliation
didn’t set the world on fire. I think it did well enough, but the
toy line – which is what we’re talking about today – had been
suffering at retail since the glut of Rise
of COBRA
figures had been clogging pegs. The intermediate Pursuit of COBRA toy
line was a high point in the history of 3.75” Joes, but Hasbro
seemed to take a step backwards with the Retaliation
toys. The vehicles from the movie were not exciting and Hasbro
repainted several old vehicles that most of us collectors had already
bought several times. The figures came with huge, overwrought
gimmicks that detracted from the look. They were too toy-like for
collectors and didn’t look fun enough for kids. I thought that the
large accessories were a good idea when I first saw them, but in
retrospect they were just more pieces of junk that should have been
rifles or knives or something. It was very much the same thing as the
junk Hasbro is currently packing in with their Star Wars figures.
A
couple of years of repacks, repaints, retoolings, and 5,632 Cobra
Commanders later and the little toy company from Pawtucket seems to
have run out of steam on one of its greatest toy lines.
Except
that maybe they’ve figured it out.
In
December of last year, Hasbro made the bonkers announcement that they
were combining GI Joe, M.A.S.K., Micronauts, ROM, and the Visionaries
(!!?!?!?!) into one shared universe. MASK (I’m not typing it
properly because it’s a pain) and GI Joe totally make sense and
Matt Trakker even showed up in the 25th
Anniversary GI Joe toy line. Once that’s done, Micronauts and ROM
aren’t too crazy because maybe after GI Joe nails down the
terrestrial threat of COBRA, some extradimensional/interplanetary
invaders show up to cause problems. The Visionaries might seem like
the biggest stretch, but once you go extradimensional and also
consider the holographic technology that was incorporated into a lot
of the MASK gimmicks… Maybe this all makes sense.
Also,
maybe I don’t give a crap if it makes sense as long as its fun.
A
good writer (THIS IS KEY) can make anything
work. I’ll tell you this right now and swear my life on it –
Paramount could pay me half as much as they’re paying whatever
goofball they have heading up this project and I could deliver them a
golden script based on what I just said above. I don’t often shoot
my mouth off, but I’m as certain of that as of anything I’ve ever
said on this site. I’m sure there are plenty of writers around the
world that could do an even better job than me. But I doubt Paramount
and Hasbro have recruited any of them.
Side
Note: They didn’t. We’ve got the guys that wrote Puss
N’ Boots
and Batman
& Robin.
Don’t
get me wrong – I’m one hundred percent down with these movies
happening. I want them to be great and I want them to continue on and
on just like Marvel’s movies have.
As
far as a toy line – which is absolutely part of the goal for this
undertaking – let me be clear:
Without
knowing the nature of this shred universe it’s hard to speculate on
what form a toy line might take. As with any modern toy line we have
to take into consideration the expense involved with these things
now. Vehicles are much smaller and simpler. Articulation comes at a
premium. Whatever form this line takes, there’s a good chance that
it won’t appeal to collectors. And it won’t be aimed at
collectors because Hasbro undoubtedly wants to capture a whole new
generation of consumers. Just because they’re using the brands we
grew up with doesn’t mean they’re catering to us – they’re
catering to our kids and counting on us recognizing what they’re
doing.
That’s
not to say we won’t get the equivalent of Black Series for GI Joe
or special lines for Micronauts. But look at the current offerings in
the toy aisle and I think you’ll get an idea of what to expect. I
wouldn’t be surprised if we got an entire line similar to the tiny
figures that Hasbro produced for Age
of Ultron
and now Civil
War.
There’s also the new Jurassic
World
line coming. The dinosaurs look great, but the human figures are
straight out of 1992. That’s what’s happening now.
In
closing, GI Joe: A Real American Hero is essentially dead. I’m okay
with that. I have the comics, the cartoons, and a huge collection of
toys. How much more did I need? Where else could it have gone? Sure –
there are characters and definitely vehicles that I would have loved
to own. But if there’s one thing I’ve come to understand from my
almost forty years of toy collecting, it’s that we’re never going
to have it all. Whether it’s because the company doesn’t make it
or distributes it poorly or because something else shinier calls for
your money, it’s good to know when to sit back and be happy with
what you have. I don’t have a 25th
Anniversary-style Killer WHALE, and I never will. And that’s okay.
Right
around the corner we have an all-new iteration of the GI Joe
franchise. The best part is that it’s bringing along some other old
friends that otherwise never would have seen toy aisles again. And
that’s great
pop culture news.
Stay
tuned to Needless Thigs and the Needless Things Podcast and we’ll
keep you up-to-date on what’s happening with this crazy new
concept!
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