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From Illustrated007.blogspot.com – fantastic site! |
I recently picked up the James Bond Collection box set
from Amazon:
I put it on my Wish List when it came out and have been
watching the price ever since. Just last week it dipped into my comfort zone,
so I jumped on it. It includes the twenty-three (canon) Bond films that were
released at the time as well as a spot for the Sprectre Blu-ray, which I own because I loved that movie. I think it’s my favorite of the Craig films (and
I actually appreciate it even more now thanks to On Her Majesty’s Secret Service).
But I’m not here today to talk about Spectre.
I started with The
Spy Who Loved Me because of Caroline Munro, Richard Kiel, and that
incredible underwater base. After that I wanted some Connery, so I went with You Only Live Twice. It’s one that I
couldn’t conjure any specific memories about. I thoroughly enjoyed it and
talked a bit about it in the
last Needless Things Podcast, but I’m not here to talk about that,
either.
At the end of You
Only Live Twice, those magical words crawled up my screen:
“JAMES
BOND WILL RETURN IN ON HER MAJESTY’S SECRET SERVICE”
I had time for another movie before my son got home from
school, so I decided to continue on. I was excited because as much as I hadn’t
had much recall about You Only Live Twice,
I couldn’t think of a single thing about this one. Without thinking too hard,
it almost sounded like a Connery Bond that I hadn’t even heard of. Was it
possible I hadn’t even seen this one?
As soon as the disc menu came up, the mystery was solved.
No, I had not seen On Her Majesty’s
Secret Service. Most of you are undoubtedly already on track here, but this
is one of the most infamous Bond movies for the simple reason that it stars the
only man to have canonically played James Bond but a single time – George
Lazenby.
I had avoided this one not for any reason other than it
didn’t star Sean Connery or Roger Moore. I had never really heard anything good
or bad about the movie itself, but the fact that the star was gone after a
single installment couldn’t bode well. With so many other Bond movies
available, I simply never felt it necessary to sit down with this one. But with
some precious free time at hand and feeling decidedly experimental, I decided
it was time to take the Lazenby plunge and form my own opinions about this
landmark in James Bond history.
This is an odd thing to say about a movie that is almost
fifty years old, but my review is going to contain some significant spoilers
and if you haven’t seen On Her Majesty’s
Secret Service, I recommend you do so before reading this. It’s a very
interesting experience. I had the benefit of watching it almost entirely
ignorant of the plot and able to enjoy the story and performances for what they
were. I found it to be fascinating; I wouldn’t be writing about it now if that
weren’t the case. So if you haven’t seen it, do yourself a favor and check it
out. I’m not saying it’s great, but
it’s unique and will give you a different perspective on the universe of James
Bond and the process of making Bond films.
Now it’s time for… SPOILERS!
From the start this movie is a little odd. It opens with
M and Moneypenny before cutting to Bond, who is clearly being built up for a
big reveal. When that reveal occurs, it is George Lazenby. I hadn’t ever done
more than glance at a picture of Lazenby, so I really got a first impression
from this shot. And that impression was that he was a good-looking guy that
actually seemed like a halfway point between Connery and Moore, visually. But
that his demeanor – his resting face, if you will – seemed more suited to
crooning into a microphone in Las Vegas than seducing women and murdering bad
guys.
The story involves James Bond saving the life of the
Contessa Teresa di Vicenzo and then being thanked in the only way that ladies
thank James Bond. But before the latter happens, the Contessa runs away from
him and drives off, leaving Lazenby to turn directly to the camera and say,
“This never happens to the other guy”.
I have to admit that it was funny, but it set the tone
for the whole movie. And it wasn’t necessarily a good one.
Bond is then kidnapped by her father Count Draco
(really), a European crime lord who wants Bond to marry the Contessa in order
to “tame” her and get her life under control. She’s a wild girl who has made
some bad decisions and the Count feels like Bond is the guy to save her. He
offers 007 a million pounds to do the deed. Bond agrees only to romance her,
and rather than financial gain he wants information that will lead him to the
head of SPECTRE.
This all seems crazy, and it is, and Lazenby’s freshness
and natural ease sell it less like he’s manipulating the Count and more like
he’s going along on some zany ride. For whatever reason I kept imagining Dean
Martin in the role.
I will say this for Lazenby’s portrayal, though – he came
across very well in fights. He was much more dynamic than Connery or Moore and
seemed comfortable with extended choreography. I honestly can’t say how much
was him and how much was a stuntman, but all of the fight scenes in On Her Majesty’s Secret Service were
quite satisfying.
M and the Secret Service are not supportive of the plan,
but again, thanks to Lazenby’s easygoing demeanor it doesn’t really comes
across like he’s defying the system. More like he’s the carefree teenager
ignoring Mom and Dad’s advice.
In order to infiltrate Blofeld’s mountaintop compound in
the Swiss Alps, Bond poses as a gay Scottish genealogist.
Yes. I know.
While there, he discovers Blofeld’s plot to destroy the
agricultural capabilities of the nations of Earth, as well as his plot to
brainwash a group of aristocrat women into becoming assassins while
simultaneously curing them of their allergies.
Apparently this is the James Bond movie that sticks the
closest to Ian Fleming’s original novel. So think about that.
Naturally Bond – who by this point is at least smitten
with Contessa “Tracy” di Vicenzo, if not full-bore in love – nails several of
the women, who are confounded by the supposed sexual orientation of the person
he is portraying.
“I thought you didn’t like girls…”
“Most girls. But you’re special.”
Oh, Bond, you borderline rapist!
He uses the exact
same lines twice. Probably thrice, because there’s a third girl he’s
nailing that we don’t see all of the details about, but he explicitly gives her
a booty call time along with the other two. One at 8 PM, one at 9, one at 10. The
movie simply can’t show all of the trim Bond is pulling down because there’s a
plot to get back to!
Bond and Blofeld meet shortly after Bond’s arrival at the
allergy clinic, but they don’t recognize each other because Blofeld had his ear
lobes cut off and Bond is a completely different actor.
Honestly I don’t know if I missed it or what, but it
isn’t explained why Blofeld – who met James Bond face to face at the climax of
the last movie – doesn’t instantly recognize his greatest nemesis. And at this
point in the movies Bond is narratively the same human being. There’s none of
this “Bond might be different people using the same name” fan fiction stuff
yet.
Blofeld does eventually figure out Bond’s identity
because gay Scottish genealogists don’t generally spend their evenings giving
hot, young female socialites the hot beef injection. Bond is imprisoned, but
manages to escape and happens to run into Tracy. The pair are chased through a
blizzard by Blofeld’s men and take refuge in a barn, where Bond professes his
love for the Contessa and asks her to marry him. It’s a very touching scene,
and the first instance where Lazenby’s natural sincerity works in his favor. I
don’t know that Connery would have been as convincing. Also, the action
sequences leading up to this are quite good, though again Bond seems more like
he’s stumbling through things than being in any kind of control of his
faculties.
In the morning Blofeld causes an avalanche and Tracy is
captured while Bond manages to escape back to MI6. M tells him that Blofeld has
presented his threats and that the world’s governments are terrified and plan
to meet his demands of amnesty and, of course, ONE MILLION DOLLARS. Bond is
forbidden from attempting a rescue mission and told that as far as Her
Majesty’s Secret Service is concerned, the case is closed.
This is where Lazenby finally starts to have some gravitas
and feel more like a driven secret agent. Bond is not having that happy crappy
because that bald sonofabitch has his One True Love. He has a pretty heated
exchange with M, then says, “fuck it” and contacts Count Draco, telling him about
Blofeld having his daughter. Draco is like, “Let’s blow the fuckers up”.
This is where the movie shifts into high gear and doesn’t
relent until the closing credits roll.
While Bond and Draco are organizing an army to rain hell
down upon Blofeld’s allergy treatment center (don’t forget that), Blofeld is
getting pretty sexually assault-y with Contessa Tracy. Again, I might have
missed a key moment, but it seems that he and the Contessa have a bit of
history. There’s some awkward couch hopping as he follows her around his Evil
Lounge and at one point he’s pretty much sitting on top of her.
Then the cavalry arrives in the form of four badass
helicopters full of Draco’s troops. Bond and Draco lead an awesome all-out
assault on Blofeld’s facility with plenty of fighting, gunfire, and even this
one scene where a guy in an ice tunnel is set on fire with a blowtorch. It’s an
impressive sequence that is all the more visually stunning for its snow-covered
setting.
Blofeld escapes with his evil German housefrau while Bond
and Draco save Contessa Tracy and blow the facility to hell, destroying
Blofeld’s means to distribute his biological agents and foiling his plot.
Normally in a James Bond movie, this would be the part
where Bond whisks the lady off to some private local and proceeds to play hide
the salami, but the filmmakers have just spent an entire movie setting up a
premise and they’re going to follow through. As unlikely as it may seem, at the
end of On Her Majesty’s Secret Service,
James Bond gets married!
After the ceremony the newlyweds drive off in Bond’s
Aston Martin, happily joking around and generally seeming super in love. They
discuss having children and Contessa Tracy – now Tracy Bond – tells James that
they have all the time in the world together. She jokes that he didn’t give her
flowers, so he pulls over to take the decorative flowers off of the outside of
the car. As they’re parked, another vehicle speeds by with Blofeld at the
wheel. Evil German Housefrau leans out the window and fires a machine gun at
Bond, who is on the far side of the car. Once they’re clear, Bond leaps into
the car and says, “It was Blofeld!”, only to discover that his new bride HAS
BEEN SHOT IN THE HEAD AND IS DEAD.
This blew my fucking mind. I mean, I was already shocked
that Bond was married, but to end the movie on that – and yes, that was the end
– was a massive shock. I never saw it coming. It’s the most dramatic thing that
occurred in any of the classic Bond movies and I never even knew about it.
Lazenby’s performance is powerful here, as he cradles Tracy and mumbles, “We’ve
got all the time in the world,” as the credits start to roll.
If Sean Connery had returned as Bond and Donald Pleasance
had returned as Ernst Stavro Blofeld I think On Her Majesty’s Secret Service would be regarded as one of the
greatest James Bond films.
Lazenby just didn’t have the arrogance to play Bond. Sean
Connery and Roger Moore both possessed this incredible presence that demanded
attention. Without speaking a word, you could see that they each considered
themselves to be the most important person in any given situation. To a certain
extent, they projected sociopathy, though Moore’s was a little more humorous
than Connery’s. Lazenby is actually just too likeable and maybe even relatable.
These are the exact same reasons why I feel like Pierce
Brosnan was never the Bond we all thought he would be. He’s likeable. He’s
charming in a human way that makes you root for him. The guy playing Bond needs
to have that innate cockiness and unflappable bearing. You almost want to see
him get his ass kicked a little bit because he’s such a self-possessed son of a
bitch. While Timothy Dalton got stuck with some crap movies, he was actually
the better Bond in my opinion.
As for Telly Savalas as Blofeld, he doesn’t really get
into the role until the end of the movie, when he’s getting super creepy with
the captive Contessa. Up until that point he’s been a very generic villain;
it’s only at that point that Savalas seems to find a hook for his version of
the character. Donald Pleasance, on the other hand, was full of menace and
seemed to delight in the evil he was responsible for. There’s a reason Mike
Myer’s Doctor Evil character has become such a pop culture icon, and it was all
derived from Pleasance’s incredible performance in You Only Live Twice.
If Connery and Pleasance had been clashing in On Her Majesty’s Secret Service, it
would have been absolutely epic and felt like a satisfying continuation of five
movies’ worth of ongoing story. And the ending – it was still very effective,
but it was disjointed with different players in the roles. I fully understand
what the Daniel Craig movies were going for now. I feel like Sectre finally delivered the
Bond/Blofeld payoff that didn’t quite work in 1969.
Some noteworthy stuff:
*When Bond is getting into character for his cover as
genealogist Sir Hilary Bray, he learns the Latin motto on his own coat of arms
– “Orbis non sufficit” – means “The World Is Not Enough”, which is awesome and
was later used as the tile for a Pierce Brosnan Bond film that would have been
pretty good if not for Denise Richards.
*The actress that played the Contessa – Diana Rigg – was
Emma Peel on The Avengers, a classic
British spy show. I’m aware of The
Avengers but not overly familiar with it, so I just spent the whole movie
knowing she looked familiar.
*It was Lazenby’s decision to leave the role of James
Bond after only one film, and he made the decision during shooting. He did not
enjoy the process, it seems. He showed up to the premiere with a beard and long
hair despite the protests of the producers because he knew he would never play
Bond again. This pissed them off and for some reason makes me like him more.
And make no mistake – he wasn’t a great Bond, but his performance did charm me.
To wrap up, On Her
Majesty’s Secret Service is a notable and historic entry in the James Bond
film series. A confluence of factors keep it from being the excellent film that
it should have been, but I don’t put any of it on George Lazenby’s shoulders. I
feel like he put forth a commendable effort and probably could have developed
into a fun Bond if he had some of Moore’s scripts rather than this particularly
complicated and tonally varied narrative.
It’s worth checking out if you’ve never seen it and I
have say it’s one I’ll certainly visit again.
My love and my respect is not enough for Lazenby. Ο.Η.Μ.S.S. is not as ”Casino Royale”, where Bond is at the beginning and has no past. Lazenby looks more like a young bodyguard – or like Bond in the early years – and not with the agent 007 that the movie needed. The movie was a success. The success (the smallest in the history of the series) is due to the dynamics of the Bond films, in the particularity of the film, in the experience of the actors in the other roles, in director and the curiosity for the new Bond. Until now the producers did not provide the role of Bond in a model that is no actor and is totally inexperienced. The film was shot as in the book. Bond is an experienced man in the book and movie. Connery is Bond for the audience. So I ended in Stanley Baker ( 1928-1976 ). He looks like Connery and play like Bond ( see ”Ιnnocent Βystanders” 1972 and secondly ”Last Grenade” 1969 ) and he was one of the best actors in his time. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q8CT-4LvqHc https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vstr-jhCjVY https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hn7ZNjpMwQU
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