First
of all, I have to clarify that this is not a toy. It says so right on
the box:
I
suppose that makes it an “Adult Collectible”, which is a term
that I will never be entirely comfortable with because of the
connotations of the word “Adult”. Not just because “Adult” so
often means “pervy”, but also because when it doesn’t
mean “pervy” it tends to mean “shit that I don’t want to
do/think about”. And I like pervy an awful lot more than I like any
of that. But I tend to stay away from pervy in the context of
Needless Things.
The
1986 movie Critters
is near and dear to me. It falls into that strange category of horror
movies that sort of seem like they’re for kids, but clearly aren’t.
Others of this ilk include The
Gate,
Ghoulies,
and maybe Troll.
I saw all of those and more when I was young and they had a hand in
shaping my love of not just horror movies, but creatures and creature
design.
If
you are not familiar with Critters,
it’s a science fiction movie about a horde of small, murderous
creatures called Crites that land on Earth while trying to escape
from intergalactic bounty hunters. It’s an awesome, fun movie and
the Crites are some of the most memorable creature designs of the
80s. It’s actually shocking that this is the first licensed item
based on them.
This
was a surprise entry into the Monstarz line of collectibles that
depicts some of the more obscure or independent subjects of genre
films. I follow Amok Time toys on social media and one day they just
put up a picture of this Crite out of nowhere with a link to the
buying page. It is extremely
unusual for a collectible (trying to not say “toy”) to just
appear, ready to buy. Even with the new
Star Wars toys
we knew they were coming, just not specifics of what they were.
I
immediately ordered two. I had no idea of what the quality would be
or how limited the production run was. I just knew that someone had
made licensed Critters and I had to have one. Or two. For all I knew
they might sell out while I was trying to order (Matty has scarred
me). For those of you that are interested, Amok
Time still has them in stock.
FIRST
GLANCE
The
colors aren’t exactly what you’d expect if you’re familiar with
Crites, but this is another case of the creator doing their best to
represent the original design of the creature as opposed to what we
might remember seeing in the movie.
In my head, the Crites were balls of grey with red mouths and yellow eyes. I was surprised by the amount of paint on this figure.
PACKAGING
The
box is made out of cheap cardboard with equally cheap plastic for the
window, which I am totally fine with. This is a monster from a
low-budget 80s movie – it shouldn’t be in anything even as fancy
as a Funko Pop! box. The graphics look fantastic. The starfield above
the farm is a wonderful background (the movie takes place in a rural
area).
I
particularly like the illustration on the top:
That
belongs on a t-shirt. Or maybe tattooed on my arm.
Best
of all, the box and interior tray can be opened without being
damaged. So you can pull your Crite out, inspect it, fluff its hair,
and put it right back in.
LOOKS
The
first thing to note is that this sculpt is clearly intended to be a
caricature/toy version of a Crite and not a replica of any kind. It’s
about 6” tall – slightly larger than I was expecting it to be.
The
sculpt is fun and quite detailed given that. The mouth is
exaggerated, but otherwise the proportions are relatively accurate.
The eyeballs are bulbous and slick while the skin has folds and
wrinkles. The maw full of fangs is a bit unsettling. It reminds me of
an even scarier version of the Zuni doll from Trilogy
of Terror.
The sculpting of the teeth is fairly consistent, though it’s hard
to tell through the paint – more on that in a bit.
Like
I said above – the colors on this guy are a bit jarring. The bright
yellow claws and mustard-colored spots on the Crite aren’t what I
expected. Even the pale grey bade color seemed odd. But looking at
close-ups of some of the models used in the movie, it becomes
apparent that while these colors might be a bit brighter, they are
essentially correct. Also, the original movie mostly takes place at
night (mostly), so the colors seem even more muted.
Here,
these colors add a lot of personality to the toy and make it much
more interesting to look at.
The
paint application is actually quite nice. The eyes are blood red
while the surrounding area is a darker shade. The mustard-colored
splotches on the skin are randomly but evenly placed. They’re too
similar size-wise to look organic, but again – they make the figure
more visually striking. There’s a dark grey wash that brings out
the sculpted details of the skin. It looks great with the other
colors and gives the figure more depth.
The
yellow of the claws is applied precisely. This is an area where you
would definitely see some slop or bleeding in a lesser toy.
The
mouth is kind of a mess. It looks great from a distance, but up close
the teeth aren’t great. The gory red behind them is glossy and
somewhat disturbing, but the teeth aren’t colored as nicely as they
could be. I suppose you could say that they’re covered in blood,
but I don’t think
that’s the intended effect. I think the teeth were just too narrow
to get right with whatever painting process was used.
This
is a fun figure overall, but the best feature by far is the fur. At
first glance you might assume that this is a cheap-o fur that’s
going to fall out when you touch it and might even be so cheap as to
have shed pretty badly in the package. That’s certainly what I
thought.
But it is firmly attached to the figure and isn’t going anywhere. I
know this because when the Crite comes out of the box, its sporting a
smooth, George Hamitlon-esque hairdo:
And
you have to muss it up yourself. Which is fun. A simple shake of the
figure will do it, as the hair has enough body, yet is light enough
to fluff up nicely.
The
coloring is excellent, with grey and black grading into each other to
create a great look. I’m impressed by how much thought went into
making this little guy visually interesting.
FUN
This
is not, technically, an action figure or even a toy. As such, the
category of “Fun” doesn’t even really apply. And yet this guy
is fun for what he is. He doesn’t do
anything, but that fur is a neat feature. It’s kind of like those
hideous little Treasure Trolls that seem to cycle around once a
decade.
OVERALL
If
you’re a fan of Critters
or just creature movies in general, this is a must-have – you’ll
be the envy of all of your friends.
I
wouldn’t mind a larger screen-accurate version – especially if it
were an actual puppet – but this guy is a great little collectible.
For twenty bucks he’s absolutely worth adding to your shelf.
4
out of 5
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