What's
up freaks, welcome to Devlin's Domain!
I am Devlin and this is the
debut of my new movie review column. I've always been a big movie
geek. My first real job was as an eventual assistant manager at
Blockbuster, for those who remember those. I was there for 3-4 years
and was given the means to explore the lesser known and less
advertised underworld of cinema. I found a lot of films that blew me
away and will forever be a staple of my collection, no matter how
many different formats I will eventually have to buy. But in my
search for these hidden gems I also encountered piles and piles of
troll dung. I've seen some of the worst films ever made and hopefully
some of my reviews will spare you such an experience. I also hope to
expose you to some of the best you've never heard of. I'm sure I'll
eventually review some more mainstream titles as well, but there are
a lot of obscure films I'd like to get to first. Since this is the
first review, I will start things off on a positive note. The first
movie on the list is available on Netflix, which I'm sure most of you
have access to. It is called:
Witching
and Bitching
The
basic plot of this movie is that a couple of desperate, small-time
crooks botch a simple robbery. While fumbling around and making their
getaway, they end up with a couple of hostages. They try to make a
break for the border, but before they get away with the loot they
encounter a coven of witches. One way you could describe this film
is, "what if Robert Rodriguez had directed Hocus Pocus?".
Now I'm going to get into some specific details of the film and give
a few thoughts on them. Beware, minor spoilers ahead.
As
soon as the opening credits started to roll my hopes went higher.
There were several art pieces flashing on the screen that looked like
Gustave Doré's art. Towards the end of the opening credits there
were images of various women of historical significance. It was
certainly foreshadowing the theme of the movie and who/what the
witches actually are. The film starts with an awesome heist job set
in a section of town where people dress as different fictional
characters to attract tourist. This makes for a very comedic robbery
as Jesus of Nazareth, Spongebob, Minnie Mouse, The Invisible Man, a
WW2 Soldier, and a schoolboy hold up a pawn shop and take a box of
gold wedding rings. During the robbery, which goes all wrong, we find
out that Jesus is the father of the schoolboy and he's robbing the
shop to get money to pay off his alimony and try to get his kid back.
The criminals immediately become protagonist as you realize that
they're good people having to resort to bad choices. Even one of the
robbery victims sympathizes with Jesus's situation and we're exposed
to our first taste of gender issues as he claims that the court
always favors the woman. Most of the team is gunned down or arrested
by the cops, while Jesus, his son and the soldier escape and hijack a
taxi.
This
opening sequence really sets the pace and tone for the rest of the
film. Action, comedy and strangely beautiful imagery. There's such a
great shot of Jesus hanging out of a taxi window with a shotgun and
shooting at cops. They take the taxi driver and his customer hostage
and try to find a place to lay low. I really like how you get to know
the hostages a little in the car. The customer in the back needs to
get to a job interview and the driver needs to call his wife or
she'll get pissed. It's obvious that their lives have been
interrupted and they're not just hostage #1 and #2. The driver
eventually sympathizes with their cause and helps them on their
getaway. He even drops a good quote about the box of rings, calling
it "a box of pain, misery and broken promises". These guys
really bond over their past experiences with women.
From
here we're about to enter into witch territory as they pass through
some small town with bizarre people. We get to see how lazy Americans
really are when one guy goes to drop a deuce at a restaurant they
stop at. It's a foreign toilet that I've seen before but never in
use. Basically there's a hole in the floor with grooves for your
feet. You pretty much have to hold a squatting position for 10-30
minutes, depending on your degree of diarrhea or constipation. The
design also guarantees an unsanitary mess. I've never been more
grateful to have an American toilet.
We
find out that these thieves are expected by three witches
(grandmother, mother and daughter) and there is a prophecy they must
fulfill using the stolen wedding rings and the boy. The men are lured
to the witches mansion where they are seduced by the youngest witch.
Jesus' wife is in pursuit, followed by two detectives.
The
film gets really wild at this halfway point and we get to see all the
witchy special effects. I've seen better effects for sure, but this
film gets away with less than perfect effects due to its comedic
tone. I won't spoil the ending completely, but there are a lot of
witches and they come across as an extreme feminist group. They
pretty much bash men in their scenes saying they're only good for
their money. While the men are bashing women for being crazy and
emotionally unstable.
The
film is really just a big gender war and the witches are bitches,
likely due to writer/director bias. I ended up liking this movie a
lot. There's plenty of laughs, great action sequences, and not so
subtle social commentary. I highly recommend this one , so go ahead
and put it in your Netflix queue. It currently has an IMDB score of
6.4, but I would give it more like an 8.
Come
back next time for a review of a film made in Serbia.
- Devlin
About
Me: I have a couple of different aliases, but for this column I will
use my middle name. I am Devlin and I currently reside in Atlanta,
GA. 32 years of age and still feeling immortal. Former Rockstar,
current Pro Wrestler and hell, I'm still a Rockstar at heart. I got
my first taste of obscure cinema when I was about 8 years old. My Dad
would take us to the video store every weekend to stock up on classic
horror films to watch on his projector. They were mostly harmless,
PG-rated horror films like the great Universal monster movies. Then
one night he rented a movie for himself to watch after we had gone to
bed. I was so intrigued by this film that I wasn't allowed to see. I
begged and begged and he eventually caved. That night I was exposed
to a film unlike anything I had seen before. Ever since that night I
wanted to find more films that gave me that same sensation. I wanted
to feel shock and disgust. I found my place in the Horror aisle. The
film I watched was Faces of Death. Thanks Dad.
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