I’m
not as big a fan of the Snake Men as Mr.
Beau Brown,
but I can always appreciate the invading, fanatical faction that
wants to subjugate or destroy all those who oppose. Many thought that
the Yuuzhan Vong of the New
Jedi Order
Star Wars books were too much, and while I can’t necessarily
disagree with that, I enjoyed the narrative and the threat that the
Vong presented. We also have real-world examples of such fanatics.
It’s terrifying in real life, but from a narrative standpoint it
makes for great storytelling – you will become one of them or you
will die; a compelling position to put protagonists in.
Heck,
the Borg are another excellent example. But they illustrated the
story problems inherent with such nemeses – you have to weaken them
or exterminate them.
Sorry
– I might have gotten off track a bit, but I do find the fanatical
enemy fascinating and terrifying.
Especially
when he has giant, grabby arms.
FIRST
GLANCE
Sssqueeze’s
bright green color is delightful. Obviously I’m partial to the
purple, as well, but that green is going to stand out on the shelf.
His head looks more like a lizard head, but I don’t care because he
looks so happy. He just wants to give you hugs. He’s like the
Masters of the Universe version of Bayley.
PACKAGING
The
MOTUC blister card never disappoints.
Sssqueeze
has a stupid effing name just like almost every other Classics
figure. There’s not much to his bio – basically, “He’s a
hugger”.
LOOKS
I’m
starting with those ludicrous arms because how could you not
start with those ludicrous arms?
They
are bendy. And they are wonderfully bendy. We won’t know for years
whether or not the material used will stand the test of time, but
it’s not the foam crap Matty used for Spout Snout and Mr. Stay
Puft. It’s a thick but flexible rubber that seems pretty sturdy and
has held the sculpted scales nicely. There may be too much of these
arms for your personal taste, but Matty did a fantastic job with
them. The shoulders are hinged ball joints and the hands are separate
pieces on swivels, so they can actually be posed. The arm
articulation alone has made this figure far better than I expected it
to be.
Also,
I am very happy Matty went with the vintage look of hands rather than
snake heads.
Whether it be Transformers, mutants from Ninja Turtles,
or Snake Men, I never
like it when characters have heads for hands. It just looks stupid.
ALWAYS.
Side
Note: It only now occurs to me that I could’ve ordered two and done
a little customizing to have an alternate, shelf-friendlier version
with shorter arms. Given the negative reactions I’ve already heard,
I might be able to get a second Sssqueeze for a reasonable price.
The
head looks more lizard-like to me, but I don’t really care because
it looks great. Those teeth look brutal. The white eyes under those
ridged brows look animalistic and monstrous. I love
what Matty has done here – they didn’t settle for making
Sssqueeze’s arms dangerous, they made that vicious maw and those
bladed plates on the thighs as things that Sssqueeze would use those
arms to draw his victims into.
His
torso has a great scale sculpt and the armor is vaguely Egyptian-ish
like the other Snake Men. As much as I like Sssqueeze’s sculpt, the
paint is what is really putting him over the top. The brilliant green
is a great start, but the yellow on his front and under his arms are
really selling the look. It’s fantastic.
The
blades on Sssqueeze’s thigh armor are great, but I cannot figure
out why they don’t have the same silver paint as the studs on his
boots. They look good, but they could look
great.
The boots themselves are awesome, though honestly they seem a bit
complicated for this guy. They do match the vintage figure’s look.
ACCESSORIES
Sssqueeze
comes with a thing that is most definitely not
the Snake Men staff, which was on the verge of edging out stands as
the worst accessory of all time.
I
don’t know what this little thing is, but I can be happy with it
for three reasons:
1
– It is not, as I said, a Snake Men staff,
2
– It is a lovely pearlescent purple, and
3
– Sssqueeze didn’t even need
a weapon. Look at him. He is
a weapon.
He
can hold this thing and swing it around or whatever. It’s neat, but
I won’t be displaying it with him.
FUN
Of
course
Sssqueeze is fun. Tons of fun! Aside from the arms, he has all of the
standard MOTUC articulation and can achieve lots and lots of poses.
But throwing those wonderfully long bendy arms into the mix makes him
a fresh, fun figure that I couldn’t put down.
He
can reach stuff on the top shelf!:
He’s
great as the first guy in a “YMCA” performance!:
Sometimes
he just dropkicks suckers!:
And
he is the
best at
that making out with yourself thing!:
OVERALL
I
think MOTUC collectors are either going to love Sssqueeze or hate
him. There’s no middle ground here. I love him. He’s silly, but
also has some really kickass parts – the head and the thigh armor.
This guy really was excellently executed. You guys – he
didn’t even come with that stupid Snake Men staff.
That alone should garner him a point.
5
out of 5
If
you need a hug, go to Amazon and buy it so you can help out Needless
Things!:
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