School’s
out for summer, so it’s time to take a look at one of the staples
of summertime fun – water guns!
Of
course, I’m not talking about the ridiculous neon water guns
available to the weaksauce, ninnybritches kids of today. Nosirree.
Not these bulbous, multi-colored plastic Super Soakers that instantly
identify a kid as a dweeb and the United States as a soft country
that has fallen victim to the ideals of a bunch of left wing
pantywaists.
I
am talking about water guns that looked exactly
like real guns.
Like, to the point where people were getting shot for having them.
That
is a manly and independent country, my friends.
For
several years now I have been afflicted with one of those memories
that nobody
else shared. But now, thanks to the magic of the internet my memories
have been validated and I can at long last go on with my life.
Yes,
Phantomaniacs, Entertech water guns were real. More than that,
they’re apparently what led to the demise of toy company LJN.
![]() |
From 80sToyGuns.com |
As
you all know by now, GI Joe was my favorite toy line when I was a
kid. I collected as much of it as I possibly could and had the
biggest Joe collection of anybody that I knew. I had the Terrordrome
and
the USS Flagg. I was that
kid. I collected all the way up until just after Battleforce 2000
came out. That’s when GI Joe got a little too out there for me for
a military line.
Of
course, since it was still the 80s and safe for kids to run around
and play in their neighborhoods unsupervised, me and my friends also
did some mild LARPing (not that we knew that term) as the characters
from GI Joe. I always wanted to be Snake-Eyes, but since I didn’t
have a mask I couldn’t be. I think I remember my friends decreeing
that I had to be Grunt, which sucked. But they were older so I had to
do what they said. Plus, the oldest one of us had a tan shirt that
looked just like Duke’s, so obviously he was in charge anyway.
Now
that I’m thinking about it, his grandfather had been a cop, so he
and his little brother – who was also older than me - had all kinds
of awesome gear like holsters, goggles, and various other
military-seeming implements. You’d think I would have had access to
cool stuff, what with my dad being active in the Army, but he felt
like his gear was strictly serious business and shouldn’t be played
with by a bunch of kids. So I had to make do with other stuff and
with being Grunt.
The
original male Joes all had little pockets on the sides of their
boots. This one time, in an attempt to emulate this, I tucked my
pants legs into my socks. I can’t explain the kid logic that
thought that looked like boot pockets, but whatever. My friends were
absolutely merciless
about it. They gave me shit for days, despite the fact that I
untucked after the first jibe. I also got made fun of for running
weird this one time. This was more understandable, as I was trying to
run like the characters on Battle
of the Planets
and other Japanese cartoons that were airing in the States at the
time. Say what you will about anime, but the characters run like
idiots. I can’t explain it, but look it up and then picture an
actual little kid trying to run that way. They should’ve kicked my
ass.
Eventually
I was able to convince my mom to take me to the nearest Army/Navy
surplus store – a place called Old Sarge. It moved a couple of
times over the years, but the original location was this incredible
two story building that looked like some kind of post-apocalyptic
outpost. There were all kinds of missiles and pieces of armament
outside, and I think there was even a plane or a helicopter out
there. I wish I had pictures of it, but people in the 80s didn’t
carry cameras everywhere, much less ones with phones attached.
Once
you got inside Old Sarge it was a magical place if you were into
military stuff. Right up front there were cases full of old medals
and rank insignia, neatly laid out on those trays that jewelry stores
have. I loved standing and just staring into those cases, wondering
who the medals might have belonged to and what sorts of adventures
they had experienced.
There
didn’t seem to be anything that Old Sarge didn’t have. Obviously
they had the standards – fatigues of every design, boots from every
branch, hats and helmets of all shapes. But they also had gas masks,
ration kits, ammo belts, and every kind of pouch or knapsack you
could ever imagine. There were web belt riggings that I didn’t even
understand, but that I knew would in some way hold a ton of those
little ammo pouches.
Side
Note: If you’ve ever wondered why all of the 90s comic books
characters had so many pouches, this is why – the military used to
be celebrated and respected in America. As kids, we thought the Army,
Navy, Air Force, and Marines were awesome.
Every kid I knew was way into military stuff and this went for those
several years older than me, as well. So all of those artists that
started hitting big in the 90s had grown up with that fascination
with the military and likely those same kinds of trips to the
Army/Navy store. Those places used to be a
lot
more common than they are now. All of those piles and piles of
pouches – for ammo and otherwise – made their way into the
character designs. And you know what? They totally made sense. Where
do you carry stuff around in your skintight bodysuit, exactly? You’re
telling me Wolverine doesn’t even carry a wallet?
I’m all for the pouches of the 90s. It’s much more absurd for
comic book superheroes to have no
pouches.
After
one trip to Old Sarge I had some kid-sized fatigues, a web belt and
canteen, and a handful of pins and badges. I remember wanting an
airborne pin like Duke’s, but they didn’t have one. I do believe
I used one of those old Delta pins that they used to give to kids on
airplane flights:
My
narrative is going to take a leap here, because I have no idea when
any of this was happening other than “while I was way into GI Joe
(1983 – 1989ish)”. But I do know that the first Entertech water
guns came out in 1985 and I assure you I started harassing my parents
about them no less than one nanosecond after I became aware of their
existence.
For
a time my friends and I played with lame, fake-o looking water guns
or other toy pistols. It always bothered me. I have been and always
will be something of a stickler for accuracy, a trait that was no
doubt instilled in me by my dad, who can’t enjoy a military movie
if they’re wearing the wrong boots. When I saw the first commercial
for these things, I no doubt lost my shit:
It
seems like a fair amount of whining and begging would have been
needed for me to end up with any of these no doubt pricey water guns,
but I don’t recall any kind of difficulty. I remember fighting for
Madballs, Garbage Pail Kids, and Transformers, but nothing sticks out
about Entertech other than the fact that I had a couple.
Side
Note: Madballs and GPKs were too gross for Mom. She didn’t want me
having them, but I was actually a really
good kid for the most part so with the proper amount of begging I was
usually able to get what I wanted. Transformers obviously weren’t
gross, but they were expensive and I wasn’t into cars. Out of those
three I was able to get the most Garbage Pail Kids, but every so
often my mom would come to her senses and throw them in the trash, so
I’d have to start over again.
The
first series of Entertech guns consisted of a good assortment of
water-spurting weapons – some pistols, some submachine guns, a
couple of rifles, and an RPG(!). I wasn’t interested in the RPG
because it was the one offering that looked too
fakey. All of the rest were very slightly off in scale or design, but
still looked convincing to the eyes of nine-year-olds that believed
that King Kong Bundy had actually ended Hulk Hogan’s career (that
happened in 1986, but it’s pretty much my favorite reference of
childhood innocence and I will mention it any time I can).
![]() |
From ILovethe80s.com |
The
guns themselves were motorized. In addition to shooting continuous,
pulsing streams of water when you held the trigger down, they
produced noises that sounded kind of mildly gun-like. I honestly
can’t remember if these were electronic gun sounds or just the
mechanics of the firing system, but it added so much to the fake gun
experience. Because of the mechanics the guns had a weight to them
and were also made of a sturdier plastic than most toy guns.
I
had one of the pistols and the kickass Water Hawk, which was based on
a TEC-9. I cannot even begin to tell you how badass I felt carrying
those things around. I think my dad even got me a holster for the
pistol.
LJN
even produced a Rambo
tie-in:
![]() |
From the YoJoe.com forums |
This
may seem like a terrible and age-inappropriate idea, until you
remember that there was a Rambo
cartoon and action figure line (also from LJN).
There
were a
lot of
kids in the neighborhood I grew up in. It was a massive collection of
streets and houses that, though interconnected, was actually two
separate subdivisions. I didn’t even know all of the kids. I
remember one afternoon this water gun war happened. I don’t know
how it was organized and why it never happened again, but there were
at least sixty kids involved. It started off as a fun game of
hide-and-seek-and-shoot-with-water, but at some point some older kids
that I didn’t know got involved. They were throwing rocks and mud
and shoving the younger kids around. I got pushed down in the street
at one point and landed on my Water Hawk. It broke and covered me
with water.
I
don’t recall what happened with the pistol, but I do know that was
the end of me having Entertech water guns. Because by that time
things had started to go bad.
The
tragic portion of the tale is that the toys looked real enough that
people were using them to commit crimes and the police had even shot
a kid, only to find out that the supposed firearm was a product of
LJN. This obviously led to a ton of bad publicity. The beleaguered
toy company tried to turn things around on the line by offering
brightly colored versions of the Entertech products, but after having
the realistic versions no self-respecting kid could start carrying
around a neon green and yellow Uzi with a red barrel. I couldn’t,
anyway, and apparently most kids agreed because in 1990 LJN went
under and was bought by Acclaim as a branch of their video game
production operation.
After
my Water Hawk broke I was pretty much out of the realistic gun game.
The first of the incidents must have been occurring by then because
my mom put her foot down in a way that she rarely did – no more
Entertech guns. My pistol mysteriously disappeared shortly
thereafter.
I
wasn’t much of an outside kid. Even before I had any video game
systems I just wasn’t a fan. But there was no denying the appeal of
going out into the woods and playing GI Joe with some awesome,
realistic-looking guns for a few hours.
I
never did find any boots with pockets on the sides, though.
Back in the 50s and 60s kids used to have gun days in actual public schools. What happened? Today Cops are so trigger happy and tweaked that no one can go outside anymore to play with guns without some dumb incident occurring. I miss the 80s. Now everyone seems to be indoors on there games. I am glad i am not a child of today. I feel sorry for today's children who can't do what i used to do, be free and run wild.
ReplyDeleteGood times. I myself had a water gun that looked like a realistic Uzi with a reloadable water clip. I don't remember if it was Entertech or not though. We also loved to play Lazer Tag at night on the roof of the local high school or in the cemetery.
ReplyDeleteOne of my favorite toy guns was a Pet dispenser I inherited from my brothers. It was a pistol that had a clip for the candy. Can you imagine releasing toy like that today? Hey, Kids! Just point the gun barrel inot your mouth then pull the trigger for a tasty treat!
What a smooth and correct article. The use of words is commendable.
ReplyDeletebest-water-guns
Ahhh brings back memories! I still have the water hawk and found your site looking for a fair value- I have the box and manual to go with it , that just how treated my toys, including my vintage California Mongoose BMX! Back to the water gun- I chuckle at the idea of a neighborhood wide water gun fight! I arranged several of those over the course of the summer i was in the range of 10 -13 or so. We had two massive teams with water guns and homemade flags. I titled it the '3 day war'- I have know idea why other than aspirations to make it last for three days! We had a blast, terrorized the neighborhood , captured one anothers flags had a big camp out and did it all again the next day. the first one fizzled after a day and a half but was truly a episodic experience for the entire neighborhood, whether you were involved in the fun or not! thanks for the great memories and I will continue to reminisce as I clean, catalog and post all my beautiful GI JOES next!
ReplyDeleteAhhh brings back memories! I still have the water hawk and found your site looking for a fair value- I have the box and manual to go with it , that just how treated my toys, including my vintage California Mongoose BMX! Back to the water gun- I chuckle at the idea of a neighborhood wide water gun fight! I arranged several of those over the course of the summer i was in the range of 10 -13 or so. We had two massive teams with water guns and homemade flags. I titled it the '3 day war'- I have know idea why other than aspirations to make it last for three days! We had a blast, terrorized the neighborhood , captured one anothers flags had a big camp out and did it all again the next day. the first one fizzled after a day and a half but was truly a episodic experience for the entire neighborhood, whether you were involved in the fun or not! thanks for the great memories and I will continue to reminisce as I clean, catalog and post all my beautiful GI JOES next!
ReplyDelete