I have read a lot of zombie novels.
Really a lot. There are probably 10 on my bookcase, and over 40 on my
kindle. And those were just the ones that were good enough to keep.
There were a lot more books and stories that didn't make the cut, and
got deleted. I read a ton of real novels too so I'm not some
semi-literate horror fiend. It's just that I've
read and re-read my other books so often that I like to throw in
something new by way of zombies once in awhile. Plus, most of them
are just so damn cheap, and many were free. Somebody was planning on
writing a series so they gave the first book away or if they've self
published on Amazon they'll often sell them for under $3. I'll give
pretty much any book a shot when it's free or even a dollar. The
ability to download free samples also keeps me from wasting money on
anything that costs more than $1. I was anti-kindle for a lot of
years, but I can't imagine living without one now. I'll never give up
my real books, but now I'll also never have to go on a business trip
with 5 pounds of books in my luggage.
But back to my point. Having indiscriminately read so many zombie books I have run into more than my fair share of really poorly written zombie books. Some of it has been downright awful. I'm a completionist though, and I just can't seem to help myself from seeing things through to the end. A lot of times I keep reading to see how much worse it can get or how they're going to try and write themselves out of the mess they've gotten into. So who am I to judge? No one really. I'm just a well read fan of the genre who knows good from bad. I'm here to help keep you from writing a bad zombie novel of your own.
First, don't be afraid to look words or
phrases up if you're unsure of a meaning. Double check yourself
sometimes even if you think you know. Maybe get an editor even. You
don't have to pay a professional; just get a friend who's reasonably
intelligent to give it a read through and some feedback, and don't
get defensive about what they say. Nothing pulls me out of a story
faster than trying to decipher what you're trying to say. I'm not
talking about easily missed things like “your” and “you're”
getting mixed up. I'm guilty of the occasional spell check flub myself now and again. But pension and penchant have very different meanings. That is a real example from a book I read, and it was used multiple times.
And you should probably get a thesaurus or look for synonyms with
whatever document program you're using. This is especially true if
you're writing in the first-person from multiple points of view. Not
everyone is going to use the word “abomination” independently to
describe zombies. It's not a word that's used very often now so why
would people spread out all over the place all start using it at the
same time when the zombie apocalypse hits. It's more likely that one
guy would call them “abominations”, someone else “zombies”,
and somebody else “the living dead” or something. There are so
many words that you could use to describe them that you shouldn't be afraid to
mix it up s little.
Do your research. If you want to make
your zombie virus believable then you're going to have to spend some
time preparing. And don't use wikipedia without doing some fact
checking too. If any fool can put something on a website any fool
will. The CDC and WHO have websites too, and while they're probably
more technical you'll get better information. Same thing with
weapons. If you've never fired a gun in your life then you should
consider having your characters stick to melee weapons if you're not going to do the leg work. Military
grade weapons are more complicated than you think (I checked. They're
more complicated than I thought too), and you'll sound like a moron
having people use them incorrectly. A kitchen knife or replica sword
will also not make a good weapon for very long. Even I know that.
That neat wall display of Anduril will not turn your character into
Aragorn. It will kill one zombie if they're lucky, and then they'll
die horribly.
You are not a super hero. A lot of the
books I've read sound like Mary Sue fan fiction that just isn't based
on another story. If you're basing your main character on yourself
please try to base it at least a little bit in reality. Maybe you
think that you'd become a bad-ass zombie killing machine when the
shit hits the fan, but you don't go from a student or cubicle monkey
to Daryl from the Walking Dead with no transition or set up to make
it believable. I know it wouldn't be very exciting for you to have
your little book avatar die in the first wave, but how about some
realistic development of their new found skills? They could meet the
bad-ass zombie killing machine that teaches them how to survive. They
could nearly get killed a few times in the first couple of chapters
until they start learning to survive. Any number of better options
than you woke up, and were suddenly King of the Fucking Zombies in your brave
new world. Not every imaginary being you encounter in your world
needs to fall in love with you, try to rape you, or otherwise think
that you are the coolest thing still alive either. I just finished a
book where three or four dudes were nearly coming to blows over love
of the main character. They weren't lonely survivors looking for sex
with anything that was left. This was one week in, and everyone who
saw this girl was instantly in such deep love that a whole sub-plot
evolved around her difficult decision. Who to bang is not going to be
high up on my list of important choices during this time, but
everybody's different I guess. I hadn't noticed before so I went back
to check. It was written by a woman. Of course.
If I think I'm so smart why haven't I
written a zombie novel of my own? Maybe some day I'll take all this
sage advice and use it to write my story. Woman thinks she's a
bad-ass because she's killed so many zombies in video games, and read so many stupid books. She
grabs the baseball bat next to the door, and her best knife from the
kitchen, and heads out to face the danger. Woman is shocked into
inaction by actually seeing one of the monsters for the first time,
and is promptly eaten. Then I guess it'd have to be written from my
point of view as a zombie because otherwise the whole thing would end
really quickly. And that, I assume, is all the explanation you need
as to why I'm choosing to teach rather than do.
As I'm once again posting on a Tuesday I get to recommend Face Off a second time. It's getting close to the end, and it's been even better than usual the last few weeks. There's a hell of a marathon Tuesday so get into it.
Town of the Living Dead was unwatchable. I only made it through half the episode. It was like watching Cletus the Slack-Jawed Yokel make a movie. They said that if the movie ever gets finished that SyFy will air it. Thus proving once and for all that they really will show anything.
I really wish Freddy Vs. Jason had been a better movie. I was super excited about it, but it just didn't live up to my expectations.
Needless
Things V. 31 Days of Halloween
As I'm once again posting on a Tuesday I get to recommend Face Off a second time. It's getting close to the end, and it's been even better than usual the last few weeks. There's a hell of a marathon Tuesday so get into it.
Town of the Living Dead was unwatchable. I only made it through half the episode. It was like watching Cletus the Slack-Jawed Yokel make a movie. They said that if the movie ever gets finished that SyFy will air it. Thus proving once and for all that they really will show anything.
I really wish Freddy Vs. Jason had been a better movie. I was super excited about it, but it just didn't live up to my expectations.
Oct 14
|
08:00 AM
|
Syfy Original Movie
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Children Of The Corn
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Oct 14
|
10:00 AM
|
31 Days Of Halloween Movie
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Freddy Vs. Jason
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Oct 14
|
12:00 PM
|
Face Off
|
Ancient Aliens
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Oct 14
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01:00 PM
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Face Off
|
Twisted Trees
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Oct 14
|
02:00 PM
|
Face Off
|
Animal Attraction
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Oct 14
|
03:00 PM
|
Face Off
|
Wizard Of Wonderland
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Oct 14
|
04:00 PM
|
Face Off
|
Killer Instinct
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Oct 14
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05:00 PM
|
Face Off
|
Serpent Soldiers
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Oct 14
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06:00 PM
|
Face Off
|
Scared Silly
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Oct 14
|
07:00 PM
|
Face Off
|
Teacher's Pets
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Oct 14
|
08:00 PM
|
Face Off
|
Off With Their Heads
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Oct 14
|
09:00 PM
|
Face Off
|
Beautiful Disaster
|
Oct 14
|
10:00 PM
|
Town Of The Living Dead
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Dong Of The Dead
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Oct 14
|
10:30 PM
|
Town Of The Living Dead
|
Zombie Karate
|
Oct 14
|
11:00 PM
|
Face Off
|
Beautiful Disaster
|
Oct 14
|
12:00 AM
|
Town Of The Living Dead
|
Dong Of The Dead
|
Oct 14
|
12:30 AM
|
Town Of The Living Dead
|
Zombie Karate
|
Oct 14
|
01:00 AM
|
Z Nation
|
Home Sweet Zombie
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Oct 14
|
02:00 AM
|
31 Days Of Halloween Movie
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Hybrid
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Oct 14
|
04:00 AM
|
Scare Tactics
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Tow Truck Killers
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Oct 14
|
04:30 AM
|
Scare Tactics
|
Ghoul Bus 2
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