This
is a bold move on my part, as I haven’t even opened the book yet. I
have no idea how well this month’s offerings will lend themselves
to my little project.
Let’s
find out!
If
you don’t know, Previews
is the catalogue that Diamond Comic Distributors use to offer the
products they distribute to comic book stores around the country.
This is where you can view and order (through your favorite Local
Comic Book Shop) comic books, trade paperback collections, t-shirts,
books, media, and toys and other collectibles from hundreds of
different vendors that deal in geek-oriented merchandise. The genius
part is that you actually have to pay for your copy of Previews
for the privilege of ordering other things to pay for. It’s like
the Ren Fest except without the horse poo smell.
So
every month a new edition of Previews
is sent out to comic book stores. Contained in the pages within are
products that might be currently available or could be released
anytime in the next year; but typically about two months away. Or
sometimes never. I’ve ordered lots
of things that have just never come in. Without getting into the
specific politics of Diamond, let me just say that they aren’t
quite
a monopoly and also aren’t quite
the worst distributor anybody has ever dealt with in the history of
the universe.
But
I’m not here to discuss that. I’m here to discuss a few of the
weird and/or wonderful items offered in this month’s edition.
Well,
I guess I’m off to a good start with what appears to be Zombie
Robin right there on the front cover. We know at the very least he’s
resurrected Robin, which likely will lead to all sorts of other
sinister problems.
Thanks
for making the first entry easy, DC!
Oh,
and I’m thrilled they’re bringing back Damian, but I hope we
don’t have to endure too much bullshit before he and Bruce are back
to crimefighting as usual. Then again, I may not have much
opportunity to find out… READ ON!
Halloween
Connection: Robin is back from the dead and hungry for BRAINS! Or
justice. Probably just justice.
Well,
Dynamite is looking out for me, too. Putting the hero of one of my
favorite horror franchises right up front is a great call. Plus, I
don’t even have to stretch to make a Halloween connection!
Cullen
Bunn is writing pretty much everything these days, and that’s okay
because Cullen Bunn is pretty good at writing. As much as I hate to
say it, I did not enjoy Steve Niles’ run on the last AoD
book, so I’m looking forward to a fresh take. I think Bunn has the
right frame of mind to do Ash right.
Halloween
Connection: Nobody, and I mean NOBODY has faced down more horrors
than Ashley J. Williams! He is the King, baby.
I
love Hellboy, but I need to get caught up on the trades and on every
title that isn’t actually the main Hellboy
book. When you look at all of the tie-in books and miniseries, it’s
actually a rather daunting world.
This
new title – celebrating 20 years of Hellboy – looks like a good
place to check back in. Especially with Alex Maleev doing the art. I
love his work and am glad to see him in different company. This book
goes back to Hellboy’s beginnings working with the Bureau of
Paranormal Research and Defense. There shouldn’t be any continuity
stuff to worry about, so I’m excited.
Halloween
Connection: Okay, so maybe Ash hasn’t faced down more horrors than
Hellboy. This comic has seen analogs of almost every monster, demon,
legend, and obscure deity you’ve ever heard of. And Hellboy has
beaten them all. Plus he actually is
a demon. The King of Halloween, indeed.
I
don’t know anything about Airbenders or Korras, but this is a
cool-looking statue. It’s classy and just has a great look to it.
Halloween
Connection: It’s a tribute to a dead guy, who may well be haunting
the surrounding area. This looks like exactly the sort of thing that
would be in the middle of some creepy little Asian village that Josh
Gates decided to explore.
Gail
Simone’s pre-New 52 Secret
Six is
one of the best comic books I’ve ever read. I still have an awful
lot of respect for Simone, but after a run on Batgirl that I didn’t
agree with and a run on Red Sonja that put me to sleep I won’t
blindly follow her any more.
If
this book featured the same cast as her prior run I would put it on
my pull list now, but I only recognize two of the faces on that cover
– Black Alice (I think) and Talon. And I have no use for Talon. And
yes – I understand that in the hands of a great writer the
characters really don’t matter, but I need some
kind of draw to take another chance. I think I’m going to have to
wait for word of mouth on this one.
Halloween
Connection: Lots of creepy stuff in that image – snakes, smoking
guy, ratty looking girl, weird cat mask, stains, and a bunch of
ladders. Yeah – ladders are scary. Try falling off of one and get
back to me.
I’ve
read the first two chapters of Grant Morrison’s utterly bizarre
story and I am enjoying it so far. I can’t say that I’m loving
it, because as with all things Morrison I feel like there’s a
certain amount of the narrative that’s going over my head. But I
like how free and unfettered by continuity the whole thing feels,
even though it is steeped in DC continuity. Captain Marvel is one of
DC’s characters that has always eluded me to a certain extent. I
loved him when I was a kid and I thought his name was Shazam (wait a
minute – isn’t it supposed to be now? And yet this blurb
identifies him as Captain Marvel. I suppose Earth-5 doesn’t have a
Marvel Comics), but I’ve never gotten into the comics. He’s
always awesome in DC animated projects. I’m looking forward to this
one.
Halloween
Connection: Doctor Sivana is one of the creepiest looking human
villains ever. That overbite gives me nightmares.
I
never had any interest in this because I tend to not enjoy “this
might be the future but probably not” comics. But thanks to an
article detailing the return of the original, pre-New 52 Blue Beetle
and Booster Gold I developed an interest. The premise of this book is
sort of like Jurassic Park but with superheroes. Batman, Superman,
and everybody else have been cloned (sort of) in the future, but
without the life experiences that made them who they are.
Or were.
Whatever.
That
all sounds pretty cool. Add Blue and Gold to that mix (written by
DeMatteis and Giffen as they should be) and I’m really interested.
Halloween
Connection: The superheroes are created in the future using
parasites. Gross.
I
dropped Batman.
I’ve
done it before and I’m sure I’ll pick it back up and then drop it
again. But it’s just not a comic book that’s making me happy. The
arcs are long and tedious and everything
has to be some kind of event-level story. I’m over it. Somebody
somewhere is making a serious mistake when I’m more excited about
Sabrina the Teenage Witch than I am about Bruce the Gown-Up
Vigilante.
Halloween
Connection: It’s Batman. C’mon. Between a guy dressed as a bat
and the absolute best and creepiest rogue’s gallery around I don’t
think I even need to point out a connection.
I
will keep reading Batman
and Robin
because it does make me happy. Damian’s return hasn’t gone in a
way that I could have anticipated and I appreciate that. Count me in
for Robin
Rises.
Halloween
Connection: The way they’re selling this thing I can’t help but
be reminded of Pet
Sematary.
“The
Primate Directive” they’re calling it. I love it. I love Star
Trek and I love Planet of the Apes, but I probably wouldn’t buy
this without the creative team attached. The Tiptons wrote the
excellent Star Trek/Doctor Who crossover and the equally excellent
Doctor Who 50th
Anniversary story, “Prisoners of Time”. There’s no doubt in my
mind that they’re going to create a fun and faithful story
involving these two franchises.
Halloween
Connection: The Apes franchise presents one of the most troubling
versions of the fall of humanity that I’ve seen. And Star Trek is
chock full of amazing aliens and monsters. Either franchise would
make for a great Halloween party theme!
I
don’t need to spend money on this. But Garbage Pail Kids were
definitely
one of my things when I was a kid. And I can’t help but be
interested when names like Peter Bagge and Dean Haspiel are attached.
I don’t see these characters working in a long-form narrative (just
watch the movie for proof), but a series of shorts and strips might
work.
Halloween
Connection: This would work for Halloween or for Dragon Con – get a
group of people together to cosplay Garbage Pail Kids. That would be
EPIC.
So
IDW is just straight-up adapting erotic fan fiction now? I’ll have
to see fi this one is suitable for Whose EFF.
Halloween
Connection: If Tunnel Rat making his way to the center of Fortress
Maximus isn’t horrifying enough for you I just don’t know what to
say.
I’ve
liked Angela ever since she showed up in Spawn. I have her tattooed
on my left arm, but that’s more because it was an awesome drawing
of a (redhead) warrior angel than because it was Angela, though I did
like that miniseries a lot. Now that she’s a part of the Marvel
universe I am very curious to see what they do with her and if she
can carry a solo title.
But
mostly – Kieron Gillen.
Halloween
Connection: If the character takes off and the solo book is a
success, could a movie or TV show follow? And if so, could we someday
see “Sexy Angela” costumes offered? And what, exactly, would that
consist of? A belt and a sword? Which is kind of all she wears
anyway.
This
is written by Mark Waid, so I want it, but I can’t tell if it’s
based on the show or if it is supposed to be part of regular Marvel U
continuity. Judging from the background, I’d say it has to be
Marvel U. And the guy on that cover looks nothing
like Clark Gregg.
Halloween
Connection: Look! Spider-Woman is on that cover! Spiders are creepy!
Sorry.
By
now you guys should know how I feel about The Dark Tower and about
Peter David, but I’m just not buying this book. I might check out
the trades. I dunno. I mention this today because the lobstrosities
from the book are some of the most horrifying creations to come from
King’s twisted mind and
because what they do affected me more than anything from any book I
have ever read. And some sick freak decided to draw one and stick it
in the middle of Marvel’s Previews book.
Halloween
Connection: LOOK AT THAT THING.
I
never dove into Dave Sim’s Cerebus comics because I knew it was an
ongoing narrative and it seemed like a daunting task. I think it’s
time now that the stories are back in print and the original art has
been restored to an amazing degree. I’m pretty sure this is the
result of Sim’s crowd funding campaign. Previews definitely doesn’t
have enough information on this, but I’m excited about it.
Halloween
Connection: Directions for a Cerebus Halloween costume:
-Go
to your local Dollar store or Big Lots and buy their horned helmet
and a sword
-Go
to your local thrift store and buy a black vest
-Find
a thing that looks like Cerebus’ necklace and spray paint it gold
-Strip
naked, tie a loaf of bread to your face, and spray paint yourself
gray
-Add
accessories and TADA! – Cerebus!
I
like the art on the cover and the story sounds really cool.
BUT
THAT IS DEADSHOT.
Right
in the middle of those dudes. It’s Deadshot. Clearly. It’s not
even “sort of” Deadshot or a parody of Deadshot. It just is
Deadshot. Can you do that? Surely that’s not okay.
I’m
going to order this just to find out what the heck is going on.
Halloween
Connection: That might be Deadshot in the middle, but to the right of
him you might notice
Halloweeninja!
As
we all know, Halloweeninja is the Japanese version of Sawan. Instead
of having his magical cow stolen, Halloweeninja lobs marzipan
throwing stars at children and steals their candy.
No
one has ever seen Halloweeninja. Until now.
YES.
I’ve been waiting years
for more about Snake Plisskin. I hope they get around to Cleveland
and I hope
that maybe someone can convince John Carpenter to write it himself.
Halloween
Connection: John Carpenter – who created the character of Snake
Plisskin and wrote and directed both films starring Snake – also
wrote and directed one of the most well-known Halloween-centric films
of all time – Ghosts
of Mars,
starring Ice Cube and Natasha Henstridge!
I
was all snotty and passed on these when they came out because they
weren’t by Ben Edlund. They were by some kid named Chris McCulloch.
I hear he’s done some other stuff now that’s kind of okay, so I
guess I’ll buy this collection.
Halloween
Connection: Chris McCulloch wears a Jackson Publick costume many time
throughout the year, not just at Halloween.
This
is pretty much like Tales From the Crypt and I’ve really been
digging it. Check back for my review of the first four issues next
week.
Halloween
Connection: It’s a horror book. That’s it.
This
is screen-accurate and makes noise. It looks great.
But there is no way I could justify spending four hundred bucks on
this thing. You’ve got to be a huge
Back to the Future fan for this one.
Halloween
Connection: To get a little more bang for your buck, this could
double as an ice cream maker for your Willrow Hood costume.
I
love Batman. I love the 1989 Tim Burton movie. I also loved the video
game adaptation of that movie by Sunsoft. And I love NECA for making
a figure based on Batman’s odd appearance in that game.
Halloween
Connection: Without having the background of the video game, this
figure might appear to be some sort of evil reverse Batman from an
alternate dimension where… uh… everything is blue. I guess.
SPOOKY!
This
was a surprisingly light month considering it represents Previews’
December offerings. Then again, this is all just the stuff I’m
interested in (and by no means am I buying all of the things I
mentioned here). For someone else it might be a very expensive
edition. I felt like there was an awful lot of anime and manga stuff.
Anyway,
I’m fine with less stuff because not only did I have to make all of
those tenuous Halloween Connections, I also need to cover
Needless
Things V. 31 Days of Halloween
Every
October for the last few years Needless Things has provided
commentary on SyFy’s – the television channel devoted to science
fiction (sort of) – schedule. Not because the channel provides the
best Halloween content, but because they provide the most.
Aside from some paid programming in the wee hours of the morning
(because somebody
has to pay for Sharknado
3: Again With This?),
SyFy makes an effort to program content that is at least
Halloween-ish every hour of the month.
It
is for this that we thank them and devote far more effort than we
should into dissecting what they have to offer.
Oct
8 11:00 AM Ghost Hunters, Season 8 Camp Fear
In
which Jason Voorhees and Blossom Russo meet and end up discussing the
wonders of female biology.
Oct
8 12:00 PM Ghost Hunters, Season 8 French Quarter Massacre
Because
the French can’t do anything
right.
They couldn’t even manage a half massacre.
Oct
8 01:00 PM Ghost Hunters, Season 8 Don't Feed The Apparition
Yogi
and his pal Boo-Boo are gunned down by hunters and have to use the
energy of the dark beyond to steal them pic-i-nic baskets.
Oct
8 02:00 PM Ghost Hunters, Season 8 Ghostly Refuge
Innocent
ghosts are being hunted down and unjustly incarcerated by four evil
New Yorkers. Can Corbin Bernsen injunct the District Attorney in
time?
Oct
8 03:00 PM Ghost Hunters, Season 8 Paranormal Politics
(redacted
for inflammatory political commentary)
Oct
8 04:00 PM Ghost Hunters, Season 8 Curtain Call
In
this episode, Tucker and Bennet visit Hiawatha County and judge their
annual curtain calling contest. Also, the build team finds out if
goats have legs.
Oct
8 05:00 PM Ghost Hunters, Season 8 Fear Factory
Special
Guest Joe Rogan hunts down Bigfoot and makes him eat a yak penis.
Portions of this sentence actually happened on SyFy.
Oct
8 06:00 PM Ghost Hunters, Season 8 Tunnels Of Terror
Fred
Krueger’s colonoscopy will be broadcast LIVE!
Oct
8 07:00 PM Ghost Hunters, Season 9.5 Orphans Of Gettysburg
Their
parents weren’t really dead, they just couldn’t remember their
address.
Oct
8 08:00 PM Ghost Hunters, Season 9.5 Phantom Fleet
Yours
truly shows off his collection of bath toys.
Content
Warning: Things might get sexy.
Oct
8 09:00 PM Ghost Hunters, Season 9.5 An Officer And An Apparition
Bull
falls in love with a ghost, but it turns out it’s just Harry’s
zany dad.
Guest
Starring John Astin
Oct
8 10:00 PM Ghost Hunters, Season 9.5 Don't Forget About Us
I…
can’t seem to recall… huh.
Oct
8 11:00 PM Ghost Hunters, Season 9.5 An Officer And An Apparition
Oct
8 12:00 AM Ghost Hunters, Season 9.5 Family Plot
The
Keatons plan a raid on the Republican National Convention to try and
win back their son, Alex. But since they’re dumb hippies they end
up in jail. Alex goes on to have a successful career as a Deputy
Mayor
werewolf basketball player.
Oct
8 01:00 AM Syfy Original Movie Headless Horseman
I
have no Headless Horseman jokes. It’s 4:30 in the morning. I’m
tired. I just made a stupid Michael J. Fox reference for no
good reason.
Oct
8 03:00 AM Syfy Original Movie Leprechaun's Revenge
SyFy
– there are twenty-four hours of programming to fill on St.
Patrick’s Day and only five or six Leprechaun movies. Don’t you
think you should save this one?
Oct
8 05:00 AM Paid Programming
Oct
9 06:00 AM Paid Programming
Oct
9 08:00 AM Syfy Original Movie Headless Horseman
Oct
9 10:00 AM Syfy Original Movie Leprechaun's Revenge
Or
maybe just play it twice in a twelve hour period.
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