This
post is actually a continuation of Tuesday’s Wizard World Atlanta
recap. You don’t have
to read that if you haven’t already, but you might as well. It’s
where I tell you how Jonathan of WrestlingWithPopCulture.com
got me a media pass for The Walking Dead Escape at Phillips Arena
last Saturday.
The
first I ever heard of the Walking Dead Escape was before 2013’s San
Diego Comic Con. I wanted to say that G4 did a report on it, but I’m
pretty sure G4 was already dead by then – and my heart still aches
with the loss of X-Play
and Attack
of the Show;
though the latter died long before it went off the air. I saw a
report about it being a presentation from Skybound – Robert
Kirkman’s publishing imprint under Image Comics. This is important
because it means that the attraction is based on the comic book and
not AMC’s television series. This is reflected in the art related
to the event as well as the font used on the event’s promotional
materials and merchandise.
I
will say this – that first glimpse at TWD Escape made it look
significantly more physically intense than AZA. It seemed to be
patterned more after those sadistic obstacle courses that crazy,
physically fit people pay to go and get maimed on – Tough Mudder
and the like – than after an actual haunt. But I figured if I ever
had the opportunity I’d give it a shot. There isn’t much in the
realm of dorkery that I wouldn’t at least try. I mean, I have a
website to run here. I need content.
My
initial impression of Escape was that you participated as a Survivor.
The report didn’t go inside the attraction, so I had to guess. I
imagined participants would run the course, doing their best to avoid
Walkers. If one “got” you, you were eliminated. I imagined a
movie set-style city constructed inside the arena where Survivors
would encounter empty alleyways, clogged streets, and all manner of
simply constructed obstacles as they ran from zombie hordes.
The
reporter made it through but looked pretty rough. It seemed like a
memorable experience and one I would be unlikely to have. From the
report it looked like Escape was a one-time deal.
That
was the last I heard until about two weeks ago.
I
got a Facebook invite to a launch party for The Walking Dead Escape
at Phillips Arena in Atlanta on May 31st.
This was a little surprising to me, as a dork-oriented event that
large taking place in my hometown would not usually creep up on me
like that. I never heard a single ad for it and never would have
known about it if it weren’t for the Facebook event. In other words
– the people putting on Escape did a shitty job of promoting it.
Once
I found out about it I had sort of a passing curiosity, but I had
plans to be at Wizard World and didn’t see Escape fitting into
that. Taking too much on at once rarely seems to work out for me and
combining a costumed appearance at a con didn’t seem likely to mix
well with a zombie race. Btu then I got that message from Jonathan
and I couldn’t very well turn down the opportunity to participate
for free.
We
left Wizard World at about 4:45. The lovely Sells had given me the
key to their room in the nearby Embassy Suites so that I could change
in more dignified surroundings than a World Congress Center restroom.
I dropped some stuff off at the car and grabbed my backpack with my
runnin…. Heh… pfft… I’m sorry – I just have a hard time
referring to anything I own as “running gear” with a straight
face. But that’s pretty much what it was, as you’ll see later.
About
halfway to the hotel I realized that I had left the room key in my
coat, which was hanging from the hook in the backseat of my car.
Genius. We went back to the car and rather than waste any more time I
just changed there. I’m sure Jonathan enjoyed the show. The group
of Russian tourists looking for their van certainly seemed to.
Once
I was all geared up we headed across the street to Phillips.
Checking
in was no problem. We got a spiel from Escape’s very pleasant
publicist, where she explained the roles of Survivors, Walkers, and
Spectators; pretty much as I explained them on Tuesday:
“Walkers
would get made up as zombies and dispersed throughout the attraction
to stumble around and menace the Survivors. This didn’t appeal to
me because I didn’t want to just stand around in one area and I
don’t particularly care for having anything other than form-fitting
lycra on my face.
Spectators
would stand along the path or sit in the arena seats and watch. This
did not appeal to me because I am not a giant pussy.
Survivors
would set out upon the path and do their best to avoid the Walkers.
In my mind this would involve running, jumping, crawling, and all
sorts of other physical activities that I am by no means equipped to
perform but that I will not shy away from in the face of possibly
getting a good post.”
We
had a little trouble figuring out how to get into Phillips, until I
suggested that we just go in where they were making up the walkers.
We showed our Media badges to the folks at the door and walked right
in. It took a minute for us to get our bearings, but eventually we
made our way around to where the Escape was taking place. Prior to
that I took the opportunity to upload a video to Instagram:
The
main portion of Escape was in what I consider to be the front of
Phillips – by the escalators near the CNN Center entrance. There
was a large military tent set up that was the entrance to the
attraction. The escalators led up to the Fan area, where you could
buy merchandise and alcohol and later on meet Booker T and some
dancing zombies. Or buy some art from the delightful Chris Hamer,
owner and proprietor of UrbnPop.com:
Chris
told me that Skybound had called him up and asked if he wanted to
work the event and I told him the casual way he said that was pretty
much the coolest thing I had heard all year.
There
was dubstep playing the whole time up there, which was simply awful.
The
fan area is where we ran into the third member of our party, none
other than Chambers of Horror’s own Luke Godfrey. We downed some
zombie Fireball shots (no different from regular Fireball shots
except that we said, “Zombie Shots!” before we drank them) and
headed for the big tent. From here on out is my official review and
recap of Skybound’s The Walking Dead Escape as it was presented in
Atlanta.
You
start off with a large group of people in front of one of those
mildewy Army tents. There was a lady in an orange shirt with a
megaphone up on a podium. This is where the mistakes began. Mistake
number one was not dressing the people directing us like military.
Instead they were dressed like the people that run the rides at Six
Flags. It’s hard to suspend your disbelief when some lady in a neon
orange shirt is stumbling over a script she is literally reading off
of the piece of paper in her hand. Mistake number two is that every
single person with a role in Escape referred to Walkers as “zombies”.
Over and over again.
If
you know Walking Dead – the comic or the show – you know that the
word “zombie” is never
used. These are worlds where zombie movies don’t exist. George
Romero never did his thing. These characters don’t have a clue what
the fuck
is going on. They just know that the dead are walking (hence,
Walkers). “Zombies” is not a word in that world in the same way
that “Flurbulplex” is not a word in ours.
So
the orange shirt lady instructed us to make our way into the tent.
There another orange shirt lady told us that they didn’t know what
was going on but that zombies were attacking (but… isn’t that a
description of what’s going on?). She explained the attraction to
us and told us several times not to run. Then there was a scream from
the back of the tent and some sort of other commotion and orange
shirt lady told us to run (?). This thing was just full of
contradictions.
But
it seemed that urgency was in order so Jonathan, Luke, and your ol’
pal Phantom Troublemaker took off like somebody lit our little asses
on fire.
Right
out of the gate – or tent, as it were – there was a zombie horde
awaiting us. They were just sort of shambling around in little zones,
clearly instructed to reach out and not touch someone. We had been
told not to touch them or we would be ejected. Luke filed that
information away for later in the event that we might end up wanting
to be ejected.
We
ended up outside at one point and had to run through some abandoned
cars full of dead bodies and some walkers… walking. It was raining
pretty hard outside, which was actually kind of cool and added to the
atmosphere of the event. I didn’t have any of my normal electronics
on me, so I didn’t mind.
We
ran all through Phillips arena and eventually emerged into a parking
area. Normally this would be the place where things would happen like
Raven running over Kane with a golf cart, but instead we ran into
more zombies. At one point there were concrete barricades set up with
chain link fences on top, forming barriers that you had to crawl
through. I sensed that this would be a good way to fuck up my knees,
so rather than crawling I laid down and log-rolled through. As far as
I could tell I am the only one that utilized this particular move. In
my opinion that makes me the smartest person that was there.
The
next set of barriers removed the possibility of the log roll. There
was a zombie trapped in the middle, surrounded by fencing so there
was no choice but to crawl. Once out the other side I saw a large
sort of gate made of chain link with a zombie stuck inside. We had to
run through that to emerge onto the circular ramps on the other side.
Let
me paint a picture for you – I was not running in the sense that
one being chased or otherwise molested by the undead would run. As
you might have surmised from my log-rolling, I was attempting to be a
ridiculous as I could possibly be. So my running style was more akin
to a John Cleese’s gait in the “Ministry of Silly Walks”
sketch, albeit at a sped-up framerate. I was pumping my arms and legs
in as exaggerated a manner as I could manage, nearly hitting my chin
with my knees. This was, of course, extremely stupid because it took
twice as much energy as a standard run and probably three times as
much as the slight jog I could have gotten away with. It’s doubly
stupid given that as far as I know nobody has any footage of it that
will ever credit me. There were tons
of photographers and videographers all over that course, but I have
no clue who any of them were.
I
had to stop to tie my shoe at one point – something I would not
have done in a real undead crisis – and lost track of Jonathan and
Luke. Good for them. I wouldn’t have waited for me either. By the
time I caught up with them – and I did catch up – we were being
directed into a school bus that was clearly full of zombies. I
pointed this out to the guy telling us to get on the bus and he
looked slightly uncomfortable and said, “Uh, just go on in”. We
chose to go around the first bus, but had no choice but to enter the
second bus, which led back into the arena and was the only way to
continue on the course. Luke was waiting inside and might have
actually made Jonathan poop a little bit when he jumped out at him.
It was probably the scariest moment of the Escape.
Upon
entering the arena we found ourselves in the sort of area where Mick
Foley might drop and air conditioning unit on Big Show. It was full
of walkers that seemed slightly more motivated than some of the
others we had encountered. From there we entered the actual arena
floor. There was a large medical tent set up and some people with the
courtesy to actually dress up as doctors were directing us inside.
Where there were a bunch of zombies.
The
inhabitants of the Walking Dead Escape world were proving to be kind
of assholes.
Once
out the other side of the tent we ran back into a hallway where we
were stopped by some guy with a “Staff” badge. He told us this
was a safe zone and I did not trust him one bit. But I was glad to
have the opportunity to stop because, quite frankly, I was about to
have a fucking heart attack. Not from the walkers, which were utterly
unconvincing but still pretty fun, but from the running. The constant
running. I leaned on the wall and tried to remember how you were
supposed to breathe when your lungs were on fire and your knees had
fallen off of your legs about ten minutes ago.
This
is where the story goes bad. Up until this point I had been having a
lot of fun. Not because the Escape had been competently arranged –
far from it. But because running freely through Phillips Arena
through hordes of walkers cannot possibly not
be fun.
We
stood in that hallway for at least half an hour. At one point the
Staff guy informed us that they had run out of zombies and were
waiting for more to populate the areas ahead of us. This was fucking
crazy talk. Our group consisted of about twenty people, and we stood
there talking for quite some time. Think about that one. Got it?
This
might be where the story goes bad, but it’s also where the story
goes perfect.
Because we had been having a great time running from walkers and
having adventures, but now we were just standing around and talking
for way too long with not a walker in sight. Sound familiar? Do you
get where I’m going here? It
was just like the fucking show.
I
made my little joke and everybody laughed and was kind enough to not
point out that Escape was based on the comic, which is much more
exciting than the show. Jonathan found a large sign rolled up on the
floor that said “Safe Zone”. I pointed out that zombies probably
couldn’t read and wouldn’t know to it was a safe zone. And if
they could read, maybe they had made the sign and this was a trap.
Then one of our party sneezed and I shouted, “He’s infected! Kill
him!”
Eventually
Luke had had enough of waiting (or bad jokes). Well, we had all had
enough, but Luke was the one that said it. He verified with the Staff
guy that he would be ejected if he touched a zombie and I gently
pointed out that the lack of zombies was the whole problem. So he
turned around and went back the way we came, hoping to find a path of
egress. Jonathan and I followed.
I
had no idea how bad the situation was until I turned the corner
behind where we had been standing. People were stretched all the way
back into the arena. Hundreds of Survivors were just standing there,
waiting. As we made our way through the huddled masses, some asked us
what was going on and over and over again we told them that they were
out of walkers. Disappointment and impatience were thick in the air.
Once
we got back to the arena floor we headed up the stairs and out
through one of the portals. We just happened to emerge in the spot
where the walkers were being made up and were shocked to find a
couple hundred people waiting to be made up. It was then that I
realized the flaw in planning of the Walking Dead Escape – the
Walkers and Survivors had been told to show up at the same time. The
problem was that the Survivors just had to go and stand in front of a
tent. The Walkers had to undergo the makeup transformation into
members of the undead. There simply wasn’t enough time to make up
the volume of walkers needed. Oops.
The
bright side to the delay is that it had kept us at the Escape long
enough to be there for Booker T’s appearance. He got to his table
at 7:30, right before we got back upstairs. I shook his hand and got
his autograph while Jonathan took pictures. I wanted a for-real
picture, but the photo ops weren’t until 9:30 and we all agreed
that wasn’t going to happen, no matter how many zombie dancers they
had in store.
Side
Note: No – I have no idea why Booker T was there.
I
had a blast at The Walking Dead Escape, not because of the way the
event was planned but despite it. The poor choices in staffing were
bad. Running out of zombies was inexcusable. Other aspects of the
event were very cool. The way the arena was set up and the immersion
of the news reports on the televisions was great. There was also a
sort of “undead hum” playing over the sound system. That was
cool. The fan area was a neat setup with a bar and some other stuff.
The atmosphere was good, but the event itself fell flat. I would have
been asking for my money back if I had paid.
Post by El Phantasmas.
In
short, Shane Morton has no reason to be mad. Unless he wants to be
mad that somebody would rip his idea off and do it so poorly.
At
best I expected Escape to be AZA, but on a bigger scale and with less
flair. At worst I thought it would be an overblown obstacle course
that I would give up on in five minutes. It ended up falling
somewhere in the middle. I had a lot of fun with what I was able to
hang in there for, but that whole walker shortage was just absurd. I
can’t even really rate the thing, but I suppose I’d give it a 2
out of 5 if I had to. And one of those points is for Booker T.
Can
you dig that,
SUCKAAAAAAAA!?!
Side
Note: Jonathan took three pictures of me and Booker T. In this last
one it totally looks like I am leaving Booker T hanging, though that
is something I would never
do under any circumstance. Jonathan said I should have gone,
“SUCKAAAAA” and walked away. Also something I would never do.
Perhaps it's a hint that king booker will be playing king Ezekiel. "I HAVE A TIGER SUCKAAAAA
ReplyDeleteI'd go for that. It would be terrible, but it would make the show more interesting.
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