Monday, January 13, 2014

Toy Review - Masters of the Universe Classics Geldor from Mattel

Geldor is another one of those Masters of the Universe minicomics characters that I know nothing about and have no attachment to. I mean, aside from the fact that he has Mr. T’s haircut and the stylish livery of one of the Exterminators from Zardoz.
Geldor won a contest last year where customers fans had the opportunity to vote for one of several figures to get made. Just off the top of my head, I think the choices were a bunch of repaints, an elf chick that never technically existed in the Masters universe, and maybe some kind of laser duck? I dunno. I think I voted for a green Trap-Jaw because you can never have too many Trap-Jaws. I honestly didn’t care all that much because none of the characters seemed all that exciting except for, oddly enough, the made-up elf girl. And I knew she wouldn’t win because the twelve people that inhabit the forums were being total dicks about how much she should win. Or shouldn’t. I don’t remember.
Anyway, despite the fact that my vote here counted more than my vote in a US Presidential election, I didn’t care much. Especially since Matty didn’t even provide decent pictures of who we were voting for.
I was quite happy when Geldor was announced as the winner and I finally saw a picture. He looks totally absurd, thus fulfilling my main requirement for a MOTUC figure. Of course, the limits of that requirement were tested and destroyed with the later release of Plundor, but I just sold that bitch on eBay. So whatever.
Side Note: Beau – I am going to need a Plundor review.
While there are many things to question about Geldor, the main one I wonder about is his name. Typically the word “geld” is related to the removal of testicles. While this isn’t anything I particularly want to contemplate, an imposing figure such as this demands a certain amount of pontification. I will assume that Geldor goes about the business of testicle removal, as opposed to being the subject of said practice. This makes Geldor’s weird weapon even more terrifying, as I can’t imagine testicle removal via that massive thing would be an accurate procedure.
Of course, “geld” means “money” in Germanic languages, so there’s that. This would help to explain why Geldor won in the German contest, though not why there was a German contest in the first place.
Like seventy-five percent of Masters characters, Geldor looks totally silly as an action figure but would be terrifying in person. If it weren’t for the easily identifiable 4 Horsemen MOTUC sculpt, Geldor would look like a generic Dollar Tree figure.
Ah, the wonderful Masters of the Universe Classics blister box. I’ve decided it’s just too much package to refer to as a blister card, though I might forget that by next month. I do love the design and look of this packaging. It’s very reminiscent of the original line.
Wow. That’s such a bunch of insane gobbledygook that it must be exactly what happened in the minicomic. The addendum of “months later, Geldor returned” leaves a lot to be desired. What did he do, call everybody?

Hey guys – just wanted to let you know I’ve returned.”

And where, exactly, did he return to? It’s not like he actually went anywhere. He was swallowed by a tree. That’s engulfment, not displacement. Get it together, Nietlich. 
I do like that the final sentence is really all you need to know, in keeping with the other bios in the line.

I try not to be too hyperbolic, but holy shit this is an amazing head sculpt. I think that maybe the Horsemen knew how boring and generic this guy looks and decided to absolutely kill the head sculpt. Geldor’s facial expression manages to convey a mixture of both contempt and lust for life. This is the face of a man who brings terror to all who get in the way of his quest for eternal life. This is clearly a man who will gleefully castrate all who oppose him.

Unfortunately, my figure has a few bits of paint slop where the white of the beard/mohawk combo got where they shouldn’t be – two around the mustache, one on the lip, and one under the right eyebrow. These aren’t terrible, but it’s been awhile since I’ve seen anything I could call a paint error on a MOTUC figure.

Otherwise the paint on the head is great. I like Geldor’s skin tone, which is darker than standard He-Man but not as dark as Dekker. His hair looks great – grey highlighted heavily with bright white. His teeth aren’t quite painted all the way down, but his eyes seem particularly intense. I think Geldor’s face is more emotive and interesting than any other MOTUC character, and that’s saying a lot for a line full of people with crab and elephant heads.

The body is the same old thing. Geldor has the basic human body with gloves and feet we’ve seen before. He does have new calves, though, and they look great. I love the way the boots rise to a point high above the knee and the lined texture on the lower portions adds some character. There is a scrape on my figure’s left knee:
So that sucks.

Geldor also has new armor and a new underpants/loincloth combo. His chest armor looks kind of like Road Pig’s from the GI Joe line. I like the straps because they aren’t as bulky as most of the MOTUC armor and don’t give Geldor Maggie Simpson Syndrome (where the figure’s arms can’t hang normally at the sides). His new lower abdominal gear looks cool, but I do find it a bit odd that his rear is uncovered. Maybe Geldor likes to party.

Geldor’s coloring is a whole bunch of red, but it does look distinctive. The only other MOTUC guy with this much red is Clawful and I sold him because his head was fucking stupid. There are several different glosses and shades of red on this guy, so it does get broken up a bit.

Aside from the few paint errors on my figure (which I would point out are the first I’ve seen in quite some time; not that it makes them more acceptable), the apps are clean and tight.
Geldor comes with a battle axe that looks like a pizza peel. It’s weird. But it looks just like the thing he had in the minicomics. What’s surprising is that it has three different colors on it and isn’t made of rubber. So good job there. 
Personally I don’t like this thing and will be giving Geldor a better weapon from one of the 3,672 extras I have from various Battle Packs and whatnot.
This guy also comes with a little glass that I suppose is either ¾ full of the Secret Liquid of Life or ¼ empty, depending on your outlook. There’s a joke to be made about the whole nut-chopping thing and the Secret Liquid of Life, but I’m not gonna go there.

Geldor can interact with both accessories and can even hold the glass in a relatively natural way.
This guy has the standard MOTUC articulation except for the swivels that some figures have at the tops of their boots. But I’ll take crazy pointy knees over swivels any day. This figure can achieve a good number of poses and move in a fairly human way for a little piece of plastic.

All of the joints work well. Nothing is loose or stuck.

I messed around with Geldor for a while. He may be kind of plain, but that face is so captivating that I just couldn’t put him down. Also, he came at the same time as Sea Hawk and for some reason I really feel like they should be buddies:
There are some adventures waiting to be had right there, Phantomaniacs.
I wouldn’t have paid thirty-four bucks for Geldor if I saw him at retail, but I am glad to have him as part of my MOTUC collection. He’s a distinctive looking human with what is one of the best head sculpts in the line, if not all of toydom.

I can’t say that this guy is a must-have, but he is a really neat figure that looks good on the shelf and is fun to mess around with. I’d say if you can find him for twenty bucks or less he’s worth it. I have no idea how popular or desired he is, so your luck with that could vary. As always, the toy guy at a con is usually your best bet for this sort of thing, but check eBay if you must.
4 out of 5

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