Geldor
is another one of those Masters of the Universe minicomics characters
that I know nothing about and have no attachment to. I mean, aside
from the fact that he has Mr. T’s haircut and the stylish livery of
one of the Exterminators from Zardoz.
Anyway,
despite the fact that my vote here counted more than my vote in a US
Presidential election, I didn’t care much. Especially since Matty
didn’t even provide decent pictures of who we were voting for.
I
was quite happy when Geldor was announced as the winner and I finally
saw a picture. He looks totally absurd, thus fulfilling my main
requirement for a MOTUC figure. Of course, the limits of that
requirement were tested and destroyed with the later release of
Plundor, but I just sold that bitch on eBay. So whatever.
Side
Note: Beau – I am going to need a Plundor review.
While
there are many things to question about Geldor, the main one I wonder
about is his name. Typically the word “geld” is related to the
removal of testicles. While this isn’t anything I particularly want
to contemplate, an imposing figure such as this demands a certain
amount of pontification. I will assume that Geldor goes about the
business of testicle removal, as opposed to being the subject of said
practice. This makes Geldor’s weird weapon even more terrifying, as
I can’t imagine testicle removal via that massive thing would be
an accurate procedure.
Of
course, “geld” means “money” in Germanic languages, so
there’s that. This would help to explain why Geldor won in the
German contest, though not why there was a German contest in the
first place.
FIRST
GLANCE
Like
seventy-five percent of Masters characters, Geldor looks totally
silly as an action figure but would be terrifying in person. If it
weren’t for the easily identifiable 4 Horsemen MOTUC sculpt, Geldor
would look like a generic Dollar Tree figure.
PACKAGING
Ah, the
wonderful Masters of the Universe Classics blister box. I’ve
decided it’s just too much package to refer to as a blister card,
though I might forget that by next month. I do love the design and
look of this packaging. It’s very reminiscent of the original line.
Wow.
That’s such a bunch of insane gobbledygook that it must
be exactly what happened in the minicomic. The addendum of “months
later, Geldor returned” leaves a lot to be desired. What did he do,
call everybody?
“Hey
guys – just wanted to let you know I’ve returned.”
And
where, exactly, did he return to? It’s not like he actually went
anywhere. He was swallowed by a tree. That’s engulfment, not
displacement. Get it together, Nietlich.
I do
like that the final sentence is really all you need to know, in
keeping with the other bios in the line.
LOOKS
BEST.
HEAD SCULPT. EVER.
I try
not to be too hyperbolic, but holy shit this is an amazing head
sculpt. I think that maybe the Horsemen knew how boring and generic
this guy looks and decided to absolutely kill the head sculpt.
Geldor’s facial expression manages to convey a mixture of both
contempt and lust for life. This is the face of a man who brings
terror to all who get in the way of his quest for eternal life. This
is clearly a man who will gleefully castrate all who oppose him.
Unfortunately,
my figure has a few bits of paint slop where the white of the
beard/mohawk combo got where they shouldn’t be – two around the
mustache, one on the lip, and one under the right eyebrow. These
aren’t terrible, but it’s been awhile since I’ve seen anything
I could call a paint error on a MOTUC figure.
Otherwise
the paint on the head is great. I like Geldor’s skin tone, which is
darker than standard He-Man but not as dark as Dekker. His hair looks
great – grey highlighted heavily with bright white. His teeth
aren’t quite painted all the way down, but his eyes seem
particularly intense. I think Geldor’s face is more emotive and
interesting than any other MOTUC character, and that’s saying a
lot for a line full of people with crab and elephant heads.
The body
is the same old thing. Geldor has the basic human body with gloves
and feet we’ve seen before. He does have new calves, though, and
they look great. I love the way the boots rise to a point high above
the knee and the lined texture on the lower portions adds some
character. There is a scrape on my figure’s left knee:
So that
sucks.
Geldor
also has new armor and a new underpants/loincloth combo. His chest
armor looks kind of like Road Pig’s from the GI Joe line. I like
the straps because they aren’t as bulky as most of the MOTUC armor
and don’t give Geldor Maggie Simpson Syndrome (where the figure’s
arms can’t hang normally at the sides). His new lower abdominal
gear looks cool, but I do find it a bit odd that his rear is
uncovered. Maybe Geldor likes to party.
Geldor’s
coloring is a whole bunch of red, but it does look distinctive. The
only other MOTUC guy with this much red is Clawful and I sold him
because his head was fucking stupid. There are several different
glosses and shades of red on this guy, so it does get broken up a
bit.
Aside
from the few paint errors on my figure (which I would point out are
the first I’ve seen in quite some time; not that it makes them more
acceptable), the apps are clean and tight.
ACCESSORIES
Geldor
comes with a battle axe that looks like a pizza peel. It’s weird.
But it looks just like the thing he had in the minicomics. What’s
surprising is that it has three different colors on it and isn’t
made of rubber. So good job there.
Personally I don’t like this
thing and will be giving Geldor a better weapon from one of the 3,672
extras I have from various Battle Packs and whatnot.
This guy
also comes with a little glass that I suppose is either ¾ full of
the Secret Liquid of Life or ¼ empty, depending on your outlook.
There’s a joke to be made about the whole nut-chopping thing and
the Secret Liquid of Life, but I’m not gonna go there.
Geldor
can interact with both accessories and can even hold the glass in a
relatively natural way.
FUN
This guy
has the standard MOTUC articulation except for the swivels that some
figures have at the tops of their boots. But I’ll take crazy pointy
knees over swivels any day. This figure can achieve a good number of
poses and move in a fairly human way for a little piece of plastic.
All of
the joints work well. Nothing is loose or stuck.
I messed
around with Geldor for a while. He may be kind of plain, but that
face is so captivating that I just couldn’t put him down. Also, he
came at the same time as Sea Hawk and for some reason I really feel
like they should be buddies:
There
are some adventures waiting to be had right there, Phantomaniacs.
OVERALL
I
wouldn’t have paid thirty-four bucks for Geldor if I saw him at
retail, but I am glad to have him as part of my MOTUC collection.
He’s a distinctive looking human with what is one of the best head
sculpts in the line, if not all of toydom.
I can’t
say that this guy is a must-have, but he is a really neat figure that
looks good on the shelf and is fun to mess around with. I’d say if
you can find him for twenty bucks or less he’s worth it. I have no
idea how popular or desired he is, so your luck with that could vary.
As always, the toy guy at a con is usually your best bet for this
sort of thing, but check eBay if you must.
4
out of 5
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