Before
I get into today’s post I want to lay down a sort of State of The
Phantom address.
Or
something.
My
work schedule has already fucked 2014 all kinds of up, but I am still
determined to make the most of this year. As a matter of fact, things
have already begun to get exciting.
Item
1: Mrs. Troublemaker commissioned Mark Maddox (maddoxplanet.com) to make my
Christmas present. This is what he did:
I
simply don't have words.
Item 2: On a whim I decided to submit a Guest application to Dragon Con. I
honestly feel like I do enough to have earned a spot as an Attending
Professional (not a Guest, but they're the same application). Between
MCW and the podcasts and Needless Things and the panels and four
weeks of Dragon Con coverage every year; I think I've earned it.
Turns
out I was right. I will be an Attending Professional at Dragon Con
2014.
Obviously
this gave me a huge erection.
Item 3: A man called Randall Maynard really dug one of the pics from my review of Shocker Toys' SCUD The Disposable Assassin action figure.
He dug it so much he gave it a little (a LOT) extra razzle dazzle and
made it his cover photo on Facebook:
You
guys know me – I'm thrilled when anybody likes Needless Things. But
this Randall fella just so happens to work for Cracked.com as a
designer, so that means a guy from possibly the best site on the
internet is a fan of the most obscure site on the internet (aside
from LilyCollectsSpiderAnuses.com). That was a pretty rad thing to
find out.
Side
Note: I always read MAD and Cracked, but Cracked was definitely the
second banana. How in the heck did the second banana end up as the
funniest website and the one with some of the most thought-provoking
(but still funny) articles? And yeah – obviously MAD has had TV
shows and action figures and whatever, but Mad doesn't feature in my
Facebook feed every single day.
Okay,
on to the post.
I’m
not sure what, exactly, this is. I started it off as sort of a
statement about the beliefs that guide Needless Things (and me). But
as I went along I added in sort of general things that I believe in
or think about. In all honesty I feel like kind of an asshole posting
something like this, but I’m not trying to suggest everybody should
adopt all of the things on this list. I’m just making a list of
thoughts in my head because I didn’t want to put up a toy review to
kick off the first full week of 2014.
So here are some thoughts:
*A
narrative can do anything and go anywhere as long as the characters
are interesting and the writing is strong. There is no such thing as
a wrong decision when it is supported with a good story.
*If
I say that I do not like something, I am simply saying that I do not
like it. I am not trying to convince anybody else to not like it.
Side
Note: Hilariously, I wrote this before an absolutely ridiculous
conversation on the Earth Station Who Facebook page. Several people
were trying to convince me that I shouldn’t talk about not being
happy with Steven Moffat’s run on Doctor
Who.
They then proceeded to not-so-subtly suggest that I wasn’t as big a
fan of the franchise if I didn’t adore everything about it. I
avoided bringing my fandom into it, as that was not the issue. I do
not give one little, tiny rat turd about these people’s perception
of my fandom. But I will not be told that I shouldn’t express my
opinion. Tell me I’m a bad Whovian or whatever all day long – I
think my work here speaks for itself. When you start attacking my
ability to speak my mind is when I have a problem.
*There
is no reason for everybody to be an authority on everything. I can
talk about anything,
but there’s not much that I would say I should be the last word on.
*Toys
should be fun and look cool. Bad paint is never acceptable. If your
action figure lacks articulation, it had better look darn cool or
have a fun feature. If it has a feature, that feature must work
properly or don’t bother. If a toy breaks from falling off of the
shelf it is a failure. If an action figure cannot stand up it is a
failure.
*Keep
your politics to yourself. Nobody is changing anybody’s mind. Stop
antagonizing your friends.
*Atheists
– try to be a little more respectful this year. You have a problem
with religious types because of centuries of persecution, right? I
saw more vindictive hate from atheists in 2013 than from anybody else
on the internet, including liberals and conservatives and those
lunatics from the Westboro Baptist Church. It’s fine that you have
no faith. Please don’t belittle others because they do.
*In
all things, be entertaining.
*Tell
people how great they are.
*By
the same token, it will never
harm you to put somebody else over. Spend as much time as you can
promoting other people. I’m not going to go so far as to say never
say anything bad about anybody because some people just suck, but put
your energy into spreading the word about awesomeness. Don’t
jealously guard your fans because you’re afraid somebody might be
more talented than you are. Always give credit where credit is due.
*Don’t
get stuck in a rut. Be aware of your situation and whether or not it
is helping to accomplish your goals.
*Don’t
be afraid to ask for help and advice. Most people are willing to give
it if they can.
*Don’t
be afraid to tell somebody you can’t help. If you don’t have the
time or know that you won’t follow through, tell them. Stringing
somebody along with false expectations is cruel. And by the time you
finally have no choice but to tell them you cannot help, it might be
too late for them to seek out alternatives.
*You
do not need everybody to love you. Because everybody won’t.
*Take
good care of your teeth.
*If
you don’t ask, you won’t know. But be ready for an answer you
don’t like.
*Don’t
ever tell anybody to calm down. Unless you’re intentionally trying
to piss somebody off. Then you should totally
say that.
*Start
saving for Dragon Con immediately.
*Cut
five monthly comic books from your pull list. You can. You have at
least
five habit books.
*This:
*I
love an annoying, obnoxious laugh. Because you know it’s genuine.
You think to yourself, “Nobody would choose
to laugh like that.”
Side
Note: In another strange coincidence, we went to see Anchorman
2
Saturday night and were in the theater with somebody with the most
genuine laugh I have ever heard. This guy sounded like a donkey
giving birth and he laughed at everything.
So I rescind that last thought. You weirdos keep your gruesome
guffaws to yourself and let the rest of us politely fake laugh our
ways through life.
Okay.
I don't know what to make of all that, but please come back tomorrow
for another toy review.
-Phantom
*applause*
ReplyDelete*bow*
DeleteHappy New Year! That commissioned piece is great!
ReplyDeleteHappy New Year to you! I know, dude. I can't stop looking at it. Chances are that will be tatooed on me before the end of the year. If I can find a spot...
DeleteI feel like I contributed to a lot of these-good and bad! I love you and am sooo proud!-Mrs. T
ReplyDeleteLove you too, sugar booger.
Delete