Maybe I already feel like I've gotten
another perspective on the world of The Walking Dead because I've
already followed other characters and explored different places in
that world. I saw the devastation in Macon, and the destruction of
Savannah first hand. Not through a crazy person's deluded fantasy
world (hopefully), but through a video game. I am referring, of
course, to The Walking Dead video game which was hands down the best
game of 2012. Hands down, it's not up for debate. Just to make myself
extremely clear I do mean the Telltale adventure game based on the
comics, and not the steaming pile of poop by Activision based on the
show. If you like a good video game please steer clear of The Walking
Dead: Survival Instinct. I know that watching Daryl and Merle survive
in a pre-Ricktatorship world might sound fun, but nothing could be
further from the truth. Other than being voiced by Norman Reedus and
Michael Rooker this game does everything wrong. It's ugly, short, and
so very sloppy. Actually the length might have to go into the pro
column because you wouldn't want to spend more than 6 hours with this
hot mess of a game. The only reason I included a picture in here is
to try and convince you not to waste your time and money like I did.
Trust me. I know my zombie games.
But now on to a completely different
rant.
If you haven't played The Walking Dead
by now do so immediately. I mean, after you finish reading this. And
maybe go make yourself a sandwich - you’ll be in front of the TV for
for a while. It's broken into episodes and seasons, but nothing to do
with the show. Character cross-overs from the comics give you a
little inside information on how a few characters from the comic/show
became the people the were when you first see them in the main
stories. Other than that this is all new ground. The story is deep
and compelling, the pacing is fantastic, and the tension is deeper
than any Resident Evil game ever (sorry RE4). I normally hate
fetching missions and babysitting a useless character (looking at you
again RE4), but here it doesn't feel like a chore. Besides the one
girl who can't figure out how to work a radio most of your team is
pretty helpful. When she asked me to find her batteries saying “I
honestly wouldn't even know what to look for” I seriously
questioned how much help she was going to be against zombies. The
bitch was really lucky she was a good shot otherwise she would have
been bait in a skirt. Adrenaline junkies will be bored stiff (ha ha,
zombie puns) by the story driven style. I am reminded of a
conversation with my brother where he was talking about having played
a really bad Walking Dead game. All through his description of how
boring and repetitive the game was I assumed that he was talking
about that awful shooter. It wasn't until he mentioned a specific
event that I realized he was talking about the point and click
adventure game. I'm sure he's not the only one who did have, or will
have, problems with the pacing of this game. After all, in the days
of Left 4 Dead, Zombie Island, and countless other thrill a minute
zombie games this is a huge shift in gears. You rarely have to worry
about killing anything. The few times you do use a gun it's actually
quite frightening. Whether through conscious choice or an unfortunate
programming decision it's very tough to aim and fire weapons in the
Walking Dead. That makes it feel even more real to me. For all of my
video game induced zombie bravado I'm sure I'd be just as shaky and
terrified if the real thing were to ever happen.
Here you make a lot more choices about
what to do, how to treat people, and how to stay the hell away from
the undead than you do worrying about the killing. Those choices
affect everything from how other people feel about you to who lives
or dies. Since your main job in this game is to keep a small child
alive you'll have a much tougher time of it if she thinks you're an
evil d-bag. But then how can you make a small child understand that
in the apocalypse sometimes someone has to die so that you can live?
There's no true escape, no hope, no happy ending. You just keep
running while pretty much everyone around you dies. Did I mention
that I really love this game?
Season 2 (remember that it's set up
like a series even though it's based on the comics) is due out
sometime soon. Probably to coincide with the Christmas shopping
frenzy so now is the perfect time to play it. Or to play it again if
you've already gone through once. With 3 save slots you can make
different decisions to see how it changes the game. I've got them all
filled (3 slots filled...chortle, snicker) with different styles of
play. I've got a super nice guy, a ruthless bastard, and a game where
I pretty much played through making the choices I think I would make
in the situation. It came out kind of neutral. Sometimes I took care
of people, and sometimes I let people die because the risks of saving
them outweighed the benefits. It's all about survival, and the
morally ambiguous things you have to do while trying to get through
the apocalypse.
I honestly didn't mean for this to
degenerate into a video game review, but once you see how I feel
about the game you probably understand where I'm coming from a little
bit better. I don't feel like I need another Walking Dead TV show.
I've pretty much already got one. A live story that I can be a part
of and interact with. I'll still watch the new companion show (as
long as it's not a Woodbury based story), but it's got some really
big bloody shoes to fill. Probably even harder to fill since there's
still a few toes left inside. Remember when you only had to worry
about shaking spiders out of your boots?
-Beth
But that's not all, folks! We still have the gargantua-sized Weekend Edition of
Phantom
Troublemaker vs. 31 Days of Halloween
I’m
changing the format a bit this year in order to more accurately
portray SyFy’s schedule and also to preserve my sanity. I had the
genius idea to cut and paste the schedule directly from SyFy’s page
rather than typing it out in my own format. This has saved me an
awful lot of time and also means that individual episodes are listed
rather than blocks of programming like previous years. So what I’m
going to do is provide commentary where I feel it is needed rather
than posting next to every single entry. Don’t worry – you’re
getting the same amount of hilarious, then kind of funny, then
labored, then thoroughly disenchanted Phantom content. Just in a
different way.
Like
last year, I am covering the programming from the time this posts
until the time of the next post. That means that on Fridays you are
going to be treated to a shit-ton of this stuff.
Let’s
do it!
Oct 4 11:00 AM - Forever Knight Last
Act
Oct 4 12:00 PM - Forever Knight Dance
By The Light Of The Moon
Oct 4 01:00 PM - Forever Knight Dying
To Know You
Oct 4 02:00 PM - Forever Knight False
Witness
Oct 4 03:00 PM - Forever Knight Cherry
Blossoms
Oct 4 04:00 PM - Forever Knight I Will
Repay
Oct 4 05:00 PM - Forever Knight Dead
Air
More Forever
Knight!
I don’t think this is the show that I thought it was. I believe I’m
getting it confused with another vampire show about different clans
of vampires. The one I’m thinking of had that spiky-haired douche
in it that was in, like, everything
in the late 90s and early 2000s. He looked kind of like a cross
between Christian Slater and that little shithead on 90210.
But I think that’s a totally different show. If Blogger wasn’t
such a piece of shit about comments I’m sure one of you
Phantomaniacs would help me out.
Oct 4 06:00 PM - 31 Days Of Halloween
Movie Resident Evil: Afterlife
Well, we know by
now what Beth wrote about. Was it Resident
Evil
or was it one of her other topics for the month (she has four and
they’re all great)? I’m writing this on Monday night, so I have
no idea.
Here’s a piece
of Resident
Evil
trivia for you – I have never, ever
finished a Resident
Evil
game; though I came close on the third one (which is still my
favorite). The last one I played was the first GameCube one (not the
rereleases) and I only played the demo. I just knew that thing would
be too hard. I’m not the best at video games and the RE
franchise is not exactly user-friendly.
Oct 4 08:00 PM - WWE Smackdown
I took all of
the wrestling programs off of my DVR schedule.
Okay, I plan to
as I am writing this. And if it goes unchanged then it means I did
(yeah - I did). I
don’t even really watch anymore. And I’d much rather spend that
seven(!) hours a week watching horror movies than watching something
that has, quite frankly, become a chore. I’m not going into it here
because this is Halloween stuff, but damn. I just don’t get
televised wrestling anymore.
Oct 4 10:00 PM - Haven
Lost And Found
I have still
never watched a single episode of this show. It’s based on Stephen
King stuff and stars Edge, one of my favorite wrestlers. But that guy
is in it. You know who I’m talking about.
Oct 4 11:00 PM - Being Human The Teens
They Are A Changin'
I haven’t
watched this either, but I think my reasons are more solid. It’s a
total drama show. It almost doesn’t even make pretenses about being
a horror show.
Oct 5 12:00 AM - Haven
Lost And Found
Oct 5 01:00 AM - Fangasm Beam Me Up,
Stan
Oct 5 02:00 AM - Fangasm A Date With A
Supermodel
Oct 5 03:00 AM - 31 Days Of Halloween
Movie Fertile Ground
“In
darkest night the last survivor of a terrible fire at the Miskatonic
Institute for the Criminally Insane stumbles into a circle of
mysterious obelisks. His burned, crackling body has reached its
limit. Just inside the ring of huge stones, he falls face down on the
ground. Not knowing why, he uses the very last of his strength to
drag himself to the center of the strange formation, leaving a trail
of peeling flesh and bodily fluids behind.
Once he
finally reaches the clear spot in the center of the stones, he feels
a reassuring warmth from the ground. Not warm like the fire he so
recently escaped; but warm like… a woman’s warmth…
I think you see
where this is going. Dude fucks the ground and some kind of
druid/crazy person crossbreed is born and kills a bunch of people. I
dunno. I just made all of that up. Who knows what this movie is
really about.
Oct 5 05:00 AM - Deals From The
Darkside Houdini Handcuffs
If this show is
about some shitbag selling “cursed” or “possessed” stuff to
dum-dums I totally
want to watch it.
Oct 5 06:00 AM - Paid Programming
Oct 5 09:00 AM - Fangasm Beam Me Up,
Stan
Oct 5 10:00 AM - Fangasm A Date With A
Supermodel
Oct 5 11:00 AM - Syfy Original
Movie Boogeyman
Don’t confuse
this with that crappy theatrical The
Boogeyman.
This is a SyFy Original starring the awesome Eddie McClintock. It’s
not the best movie ever, but it’s definitely worth watching.
Honestly, it might be the best take on the Boogeyman I’ve seen in
the last twenty years.
Oct 5 01:00 PM - Syfy Original
Movie Headless Horseman
A month ago I
would have sworn that I’d be mocking this SFO (this is how I’m
going to refer to SyFy Originals for the rest of the month because I
am tired of typing it out) in favor of Sleepy
Hollow.
Apparently I would have been wrong.
Oct 5 03:00 PM - Syfy Original
Movie Carny
This is a
terrifying concept that pretty much sells itself. I don’t even have
anything funny to say about it because it’s just fucking
terrifying.
Oct 5 05:00 PM - 31 Days Of Halloween
Movie Husk
It looks like
today’s theme is “Provincial Horror”. Which is honestly a
pretty solid kind of horror. I was born and raised here in the South
and while I have a certain amount of love for Southern things and a
certain level of disgust for people who dismiss this region out of
hand as being full of racists and morons; there’s a lot of creepy
shit to be found in the more rural areas. It’s definitely unnerving
to be driving around at night on some of the more far-fling highways
and thoroughfares.
Oh, and I’m
not saying the South isn’t
full of racists and morons; it just isn’t any more than any other
region.
Oct 5 07:00 PM - Syfy Original
Movie Children Of The Corn
Movies about
evil kids just creep me out too much. Evil kids and Greys are
probably my main creep-outs.
I think it’s
very odd that SyFy would choose to reboot a franchise that already
had, like, fifty sequels rather than just making another sequel like
they do with other series. Return
of the Living Dead,
Anaconda,
and Lake
Placid
have all gotten the SFO treatment with varying degrees of success. I
just can’t imagine them looking at the original Children
of the Corn
and thinking, “Well, we can do that better”.
Oct 5 09:00 PM - Syfy Original
Movie Scarecrow
Scarecrows are
tricky. They can be some of the creepiest figures available if
handled right, but if the portrayal is off at all they just come off
as stupid. Oddly, I have faith that SyFy got it right.
Oct 5 11:00 PM - Syfy Original
Movie Mothman
Okay, Mothman
freaks me the fuck out, too. I was way
into Cryptozoology and aliens and mythology as a kid (well, I still
am, really) and Mothman was one of the few creatures that seemed
directly related to Greys. I do not need that shit in my life.
However, Jewel Staite is in this so I might have to check it out.
Oct 6 01:00 AM - Syfy Original
Movie Scarecrow
Oct 6 03:00 AM - Syfy Original
Movie Headless Horseman
Oct 6 05:00 AM - The Twilight Zone One
For The Angels
The Twilight
Zone
is one of the greatest shows that has ever been made. But I still
feel very strongly that SyFy should reserve it for New Year’s
programming. It’s their thing and it makes it feel special. If they
want something for Halloween they should show Tales
From the Darkside
or even the Twilight
Zone
reboots. That late 80s (I think) run featured some of the scariest
stories I have ever seen.
Oct 6 06:00 AM - Paid Programming
Oct 6 09:00 AM - 31 Days Of Halloween
Movie 100 Feet
“One hundred
feet – but seventy-five
people!!!!!! AAAAAAHHHH!”
or
“One hundred
feet – but twelve
people!!!!!! AAAAAAHHHH!”
I think I might
be way off-base on this one. Wait – I know I am! This is that
freaky movie featuring the delicious Famke Janssen! This is actually
a good one – you should watch it!
Oct 6 11:00 AM - 31 Days Of Halloween
Movie Pulse
I didn’t like
this or
the Takashi Miike original. Which is kind of weird. There aren’t
many of his movies that I don’t like. Plenty I don’t love,
but few I outright dislike.
Oct 6 01:00 PM - Syfy Original
Movie Children Of The Corn
Oct 6 03:00 PM - 31 Days Of Halloween
Movie The Skeleton Key
This kickass
Louisiana voodoo tale stars the talented and easy on the eyes Kate
Hudson as a caregiver that gets into a spooky situation. I genuinely
dig this movie for its atmosphere and mild but well done plot twist.
Oct 6 05:00 PM - Syfy Original
Movie House Of Bones
I watched this
last year because it stars Charisma Carpenter and Corin Nemec. I do
not remember one thing about it except for a scene where Charisma
Carpenter is running from a car into a house. Take that as you will.
Oct 6 07:00 PM - 31 Days Of Halloween
Movie Psychosis
I wish so, so
badly that this was a movie about professional wrestler Psicosis.
Sadly, it is not. When you can’t get a movie starring WWE Legend
Mil Mascaras off the ground I can’t imagine one starring WWE Future
Endeavored Psicosis would be an easy sell.
Oct 6 09:00 PM - 31 Days Of Halloween
Movie The Ninth Gate
I have only seen
this movie twice. I did not like it the first time and I loved it the
second time. I’m still not sure if it’s supposed to be about
Stephen King or what, but I’d like to watch it again. I saw a promo
for this showing the other day and even got a little excited about
seeing it again.
Oct 7 12:00 AM - 31 Days Of Halloween
Movie Drag Me To Hell
I absolutely
love this movie. No, it isn’t a return to the horror of Evil
Dead.
But it is totally Sam Raimi through and through. As soon as this one
ended the first time I saw it I wanted a sequel about Justin Long
traveling to Hell to rescue Alison Lohman. Maybe he’d even find
help in the form of a certain experienced S-Mart employee.
Yeah, sometimes
my casual fan-fic thoughts get out of hand. But how awesome would
that be?
Oct 7 02:00 AM - 31 Days Of Halloween
Movie The Skeleton Key
Oct 7 04:00 AM - Fangasm A Date With A
Supermodel
Oct 7 05:00 AM - The Twilight Zone The
Sixteen-millimeter Shrine
Because The
Twilight Zone
is so educational? I find it weird and awesome that some kids
somewhere are watching this as part of their schooling. And I suppose
stories by American legends like Richard Matheson, Ray Bradbury, and
Ambrose Bierce are good things for kids to be exposed to.
Oct 7 06:00 AM - Paid Programming
Oct 7 08:00 AM - 31 Days Of Halloween
Movie Wes Craven’s Dracula II: Ascension
I am totally
confused by the gamut of Dracula movies that have come out since
Dracula
2000
(which I will discuss below). I have no idea which ones are related
or what order they go in or anything. I just know that there are a
shit-ton of movies with “Dracula” in the title and that they all
vary greatly in quality and use of logic and that, quite frankly, it
makes me question Public Domain just a little bit.
Oct 7 10:00 AM - 31 Days Of Halloween
Movie Dracula 2000
This movie has
exactly three things to recommend it – Christopher Plummer’s
performance as Van Helsing and Vitamin C’s boobies.
-Phantom
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