When
I first heard several months ago that Monstrosity Championship
Wrestling was going to be running shows at Six Flags Over Georgia’s
annual Halloween celebration I experienced many emotions
simultaneously – excitement, disappointment, surprise, reservation.
I had no idea what to think initially, I just knew I wanted to make
the absolute most of the opportunity.
Sunday:
off
Monday:
5PM – 5AM
Tuesday:
5PM – 5AM
Wednesday:
off
Thursday:
off
Friday:
5PM – 5AM
Saturday:
5PM – 5AM
Sunday:
5PM – 5AM
Monday:
off
Tuesday:
off
Wednesday:
5PM – 5AM
Thursday:
5PM – 5AM
Friday:
off
Saturday:
off
And
then repeat the above with 5AM – 5PM for two weeks.
I
know – you probably don’t even quite understand what you’re
looking at right now. And once you do you’ll think, “Well, heck –
you only work 14 out of every 28 days”. But the problem is that I
work twelve hours, so the days that I do work are gone.
I might as well not exist on those days. I leave the house at 3:45
and get home between 6:30 and 7 depending on traffic. I have to be in
bed by 9 to get less sleep than I really need. And then on my first
day off I am at ¾ speed at best because I simply haven’t slept
enough or had anything to live for going on two-three days now.
And
yes – of course I am thankful that I even have a job. And my Job
pays me better than any other job I would be qualified for until I
get famous. But it definitely fucks with my time. Both family and
free.
So
when I heard that MCW was going to be at Fright Fest I was totally
stoked, but I knew that I wouldn’t be there every weekend and that
meant that somebody else was going to be doing my
fucking job.
I
am the Host of Monstrosity Championship Wrestling. I’m not going to
get too full of myself here, but I know damn well what I bring to the
show. I love doing it and I know that I do what I do very well. I
could be better and over time I will be, but for right now I’m
pretty damned awesome. And I don’t want anybody else doing that
shit. Not because I’m worried about being upstaged. It could
happen. Somebody could come in and do a better job. Definitely. But
they’re not me.
I
want the shows to be consistent, I want to be at every one of them
(which is impossible), and I want to be unquestionably identified as
The
Host.
Lorne wouldn’t want somebody else running the mic at Caritas, would
he?
I
had to miss the last two MCW shows at our home venue, Club Famous,
and it killed me. The first one was because I got called into work on
my day off. The second was because I had lost my voice to Con Funk
after Dragon Con. I also missed two podcasts that week.
But
I knew there was just nothing I could do about missing some of the
MCW shows at Fright Fest. On top of my Job issues, October is just
generally a busy month for the Troublemaker family. Our Wedding
Anniversary is the 15th,
Lil’ Troublemaker’s birthday is the 27th,
Halloween is – well, you know. And on top of all that we have the
usual parties, haunts, and whatever else to try and get to. And, of
course, putting together content for this very site.
Once
all of the variable shook out, it looked like I was going to be at
the shows on 9/27, 9/28, 10/12, 10/13, and 10/26. A disappointing
few, but I was determined to make the most of them. And at least I
would be there for the opening night on September 27th.It
was very important to me to make the first couple of dates and make
an impact so that the boys would really know it when I wasn’t
there. I didn’t take the audience into consideration. These were
going to be Six Flags patrons who were looking to sit down for a few
minutes. We wouldn’t be putting on wrestling shows, we’d be doing
exhibitions. No storylines, no character progression or anything.
Just a few matches a day featuring monsters fighting wrestlers.
Oddly,
my biggest concern going into Fright Fest was my wardrobe. I feel
very strongly about looking a certain way when I am performing. I
wear suits to MCW because that’s what a ring announcer needs to be
wearing. But this was a different kind of show. I felt like I needed
something much more costume-like. As you learned last month I know a
few people that make costumes, but MCW doesn’t exactly pay well and
I budget very tightly. So extra cash for a custom costume was pretty
much out of the question. As usually happens when I’m in a corner,
the thing that just popped into my head ended up being absolutely
perfect. I’ll get to it in a minute.
First
I had to get to Six Flags.
I
hadn’t been to Six Flags since the day after my wedding eight years
ago and we were both so exhausted then that we wandered around for a
couple of hours and then went home. Before that I bet it had been a
decade since I visited the place. So all of my memories of Six Flags
were from my youth. I wasn’t sure what rides were there now, I
didn’t know exactly where we’d be in the park, and I had no clue
what security or anything else would be like.
When
I arrived at the Employee Entrance a very nice lady gave me a
temporary parking pass (so that I wouldn’t have to stop and explain
who I was every time) and told me how to get where I was going. I had
to follow a winding road back to the Axis Arena in Gotham City.
Side
Note: If you think the fact that I am spending several October
weekends working in Gotham City isn’t giving me a massive nerd-on
then you obviously don’t know me very well.
On
the way back to the arena I passed a few spots where old rides and
parts of the park had been abandoned. It was both creepy and awesome.
I
parked behind a warehouse with a huge Bat Symbol on the side and saw
Mr. Monstrosity – the boss of MCW – walking out to his car. He
filled me in on what he and Professor Morté had been doing all day
and we headed into the arena.
Side
Note: These two guys are awesome. I’ve mentioned my high opinion of
Professor Morté and his work ethic in the past. And I’m stoked
that I’m part of the vision he and Mr. Monstrosity have for the
company.
I
was surprised to discover that we had a full backstage facility with
two dressing rooms, two restrooms, air conditioning, a water
fountain, a refrigerator, and other amenities. I don’t know what I
had been expecting, but this was a pretty amazing step up from our
normal backstage area. Oh, and there was a Batmobile parked out back:
I
hadn’t even picked up a mic yet and this was already an amazing
experience.
Then
I saw the stage we would be performing on:
Holy.
Shit.
This
was an arena.
Obviously not, like, a huge arena. But an arena nonetheless. And I
knew that thing wouldn’t be full all month, but just to have that
much space to perform in… Whether we drew 20 or 2,000 I was going
to be giving it my all.
After
a brief and only partially successful struggle with some props that
had been looted from the Six Flags junkyard – I think they used to
be part of the entrance to the Mindbender – it was time to start
getting ready. I had the foresight to try out the sound system before
showtime and much to my surprise it was functional and ready to go.
The sound wasn’t great near the ring, but it was loud and amazing
out in the bleachers. This is easily the most my voice has ever been
heard and I fucking
loved it.
A far cry from the very first MCW show where I was shouting at people
in line for Atlanta Zombie Apocalypse without the aid of a sound
system.
I
had four masks with me and just one costume. While I would love to
have a new one for each show, that would be a lot of stuff to bring
and I literally cannot afford that kind of dry cleaning bill. And
again – we would be lucky to hold people through one match, let
alone an entire hour. I doubted we would get too many repeat visitors
across shows. I mainly changed masks because I thought the boys would
get a kick out of it. Anyway, here’s the look I settled on:
Not
bad. Part ringmaster, maybe a little Doctor Who-ish. That shirt, by
the way, is a Donald Trump shirt. I got it at a thrift store and it
is my favorite white shirt that I have ever owned. It’s very odd as
far as the cut and design go. I use it with my Fourth Doctor costume
because it has a great texture and is exotic enough to look slightly
otherworldly. If I ever find any more like it for cheap I’ll buy
‘em. Another great thing about the get-up was that I wore boots
instead of my usual shoes. I’ve got this pair of Grinders that are
about 17 years old and are the best footwear I’ve ever owned (I
know it seems like there’s a lot of hyperbole in this paragraph –
but I broke out the good stuff for Fright Fest!). Way more
comfortable than the zip-up disco boots I usually wear.
Our
designated start time was 2 PM. I was waiting behind the curtain at
1:50. I won’t say I was nervous, but I definitely had a tremendous
amount of energy flowing through me. There’s not much that’s more
exciting than performing in a new place. For me, it’s totally
empowering knowing that whatever the circumstances may be, somebody
somewhere saw fit to put me in that situation.
2
PM hit and I lifted the mic and started my spiel:
“Six
Flaaaaaags Fright Fest
(with a little growl in “Fright Fest”)!
Are
you rrrrready for Monstrosity
(as I said “Monstrosity” I threw back the curtain and started
striding toward the ring, being as big as I possibly could)
Championship WRESTLING!?!?!?!?”
The
crowd popped pretty good. I had seen how many people were out there
before I stepped out, so I didn’t expect to be knocked over by a
response. I continued on about MCW and probably didn’t put out as
much shtick as I could’ve, but I felt like we probably needed to
get to the wrestlers sooner than later. Talking is fun, but what
people really want to see is a werewolf punching the fuck out of a
zombie.
That
first night was a tad shaky – as any big production in a new
environment is going to be – but it was electric. The crowds were
all season pass holders who were stoked to be in Six Flags on a
special night. All of us working for MCW were stoked to have this
amazing new venue to perform in. It all came together to create
something truly awesome.
It
would be absolutely criminal of me to not mention two guys that
strapped in and made it all work – Rick Michaels and Simon Sermon.
I’ve worked a lot of different jobs in my life, but I don’t think
I’ve ever seen the amount of professionalism I saw in those two
that first Fright Fest weekend. Not at an office job, not at a fast
food joint, not at retail. I’m not blowing smoke here – Rick and
Simon are two of the classiest, most professional people I’ve ever
worked with. I have a huge respect for all of the men and women that
actually get in that ring and go,
but those guys are legit.
Speaking
of men and women of the ring, I got to work with a
lot of
new people over the weekend, and that was a thrill, too. I love being
able to introduce new people and see what they’re going to do in
the ring. I’m not going to call out everybody here, but there was a
ton of talent I hadn’t worked with before and it was cool. And
cooler than cool was being able to introduce DCW legend Reverend Dan
Wilson and the Devil’s Rejects. That was some shit, man. The
Devil’s Rejects
is one of my all-time favorite movies, so getting to growl that into
a mic in front of an arena full… well, an arena… was awesome.
Friday
was totally exhausting and I got a bit dehydrated, but on Saturday I
brought a water bottle and had the timing down a bit more so that I
could get backstage to recoup a bit. It’s not like I’m out there
wrestling or anything, but I do try to put a lot more into my
performance than just saying some names into a mic. I was running
around the arena starting chants, getting in and out of the ring, and
my personal favorite – acting like a total chickenshit.
Phantom
Troublemaker is terrified
of wrestlers. If one so much as comes near him, he gets nervous and
hides behind a ref or backs away or whatever. Despite the fact that
I’m a good bit taller than most of the guys I work with, the point
is that they’re tough, scary fighting men and I’m just an ego
with a microphone. I want to do anything I can to put them over. So
if one walks over and asks for the mic, I cower and thrust it out
towards them like they were a tiger after a steak I’m holding.
Stuff like that.
It
was during one of these moments of cowardice that I fucked myself all
up.
It
was maybe the third show on Saturday. There was a tag team match and
I can’t for the life of me remember which one it was. It was about
time to bring it home when something happened that I felt the need to
overreact to. I honestly don’t remember what it was. I want to say
something to do with Dark Mon because we had kind of been doing bits
all weekend. But anyway, I flailed around and backed away from
whatever it was, felt my left ankle catch on something, and had
plenty of time to think:
“What
the fuck is that? Crap, I can’t do anything with my left foot. I
can’t get my right foot over there to catch myself. Wow – my left
foot is really stuck. Shit – I guess I’m going to fall down right
now. Fuck”
And
BAM I hit the concrete. I had two terrible concerns that happened at
exactly the same time: the first was that I was going to tear my coat
up. The suit it came with was fairly expensive and it’s a pretty
nice coat that – with the advent of this costume – I have
realized I can get a good bit of mileage out of. But it isn’t the
most durable fabric in the world. I landed hard – really hard –
on my left knee and elbow (and kept going down – my whole body
hit). I thought for sure there was going to be a big hole in that
elbow. There wasn’t and this still amazes the fuck out of me. I did
find a couple of small abrasions around the hip pocket, but they
aren’t apparent and definitely aren’t holes.
Second,
at the same moment I was thinking about my almost certainly ruined
coat, I heard a pretty solid “thunk” and was positive it was my
phone and that my phone would be shattered. But I looked down and it
was the Six Flags mic. It had simply slid out of my pocket and I’ll
tell you right now – judging from how that thing looked when I got
it, that is not the worst thing that has ever happened to it.
It’s
almost a week later and my knee is still sore, but I don’t care.
In
short, that last weekend of September was one of the best ever. And I
haven’t even gotten into Sunday yet (I will). The pure excitement
of being part of such a big entertainment entity was unbelievable.
I’m finishing this up on Friday night. MCW is tomorrow and I won’t
be there and it sucks. But I have so much excitement about the fact
that I will be back this weekend that it’s almost sustaining me in
a way.
So
if you’re at Six Flags Over Georgia this weekend, come to the Axis
Arena in Gotham City at 2,3,4, and/or 5 to see mo0nsters, zombies,
demons, and the best professional athletes on the planet go to WAR
for your amusement! You’ve never before seen anything like
Monstrosity
Championship Wrestling!
Phantom
Troublemaker vs. 31 Days of Halloween
I’m
changing the format a bit this year in order to more accurately
portray SyFy’s schedule and also to preserve my sanity. I had the
genius idea to cut and paste the schedule directly from SyFy’s page
rather than typing it out in my own format. This has saved me an
awful lot of time and also means that individual episodes are listed
rather than blocks of programming like previous years. So what I’m
going to do is provide commentary where I feel it is needed rather
than posting next to every single entry. Don’t worry – you’re
getting the same amount of hilarious, then kind of funny, then
labored, then thoroughly disenchanted Phantom content. Just in a
different way.
Like
last year, I am covering the programming from the time this posts
until the time of the next post. That means that on Fridays you are
going to be treated to a shit-ton of this stuff.
Let’s
do it!
Oct 7 10:00 AM 31 Days Of Halloween
Movie Dracula 2000
I mentioned
Vitamin C’s pert breasts in Friday’s post.
That was probably a bit cruel given that you won’t actually see
them in the SyFy version. If you’re going to watch this turd, at
least watch the Unrated version.
Oct 7 12:00 PM 31 Days Of Halloween
Movie Drag Me To Hell
Like I said
before – I love this movie! It wasn’t terribly gory or profane,
so it might be relatively intact on SyFy other than being interrupted
by commercials every ten minutes.
Oct 7 02:00 PM 31 Days Of Halloween
Movie Psychosis
Oct 7 04:00 PM 31 Days Of Halloween
Movie Ninth Gate, The
I really hate
when they just repeat programming within a couple of days. At least
spread it out so my Halloween and rum-addled mind has time to forget
you’re doing it.
Oct 7 07:00 PM 31 Days Of Halloween
Movie Cirque Du Freak: The Vampire's Assistant
I totally dug
this flick. I doubted John C. Reilly’s ability to play any kind of
sinister character, let alone the vampiric protagonist of this movie;
but I am happy to say that I was dead-ass wrong. He is tremendous in
this one. It’s a shame it flopped at the box office because I would
have loved to see more. I think this was just too weird a premise for
the average moviegoer.
Oct 7 09:00 PM 31 Days Of Halloween
Movie Dawn Of The Dead
This will,
presumably, be the remake. This film is one of my main points when I
am arguing in favor of remakes. Or, at least, defending them.
Regardless of how you compare it to Romero’s original masterpiece
(the peak of his career, if you ask me), it’s still a great zombie
flick with one of the best casts ever assembled for a horror movie.
Oct 7 11:30 PM 31 Days Of Halloween
Movie Daybreakers
Not a bad
vampire flick. I can watch it about once a year. It isn’t so good
that I resent SyFy’s commercial breaks, and isn’t so bad that I
want to change the channel.
Oct 8 01:30 AM 31 Days Of Halloween
Movie Prowl
This one is
three years old, and I know I’ve written about it before because
the stellar description on Wikipedia sounds familiar. Check this out:
"The film concerns a young lady named Amber, who dreams of escaping her
small town existence. She therefore persuades her friends, Peter, Suzy,
Eric, Fiona and Ray to accompany her to find an apartment in the big
city, Chicago.
Unfortunately, the vehicle transporting Amber and her friends to
Chicago breaks down and as a consequence they gratefully accept a ride
in the back of a semi driven by a "blatantly untrustworthy truck driver"
named Bernard. However, Amber and her friends become concerned when
Bernard refuses to stop and they discover that the cargo consists of
hundreds of cartons of blood. Concern turns to panic and terror when
Bernard "ends up taking them into an abandoned meat-packing plant that
is now a training ground for a group of bloodthirsty vampires".
The leader of the creatures, Veronica, wants them to learn how to hunt
human prey and has coaxed Bernard into helping her. Amber and her
friends attempt to evade the creatures in order to survive."
Oct 8 03:30 AM The Twilight
Zone Stopover In A Quiet Town
Get back to New
Year’s, Twilight
Zone!
Oct 8 06:00 AM Paid Programming
Oct 8 08:00 AM Deals From The
Darkside Cat O' Nine Tails
If I can watch
one of these OnDemand before Monday I will comment about it. If not,
you will all know I am a big phony who is not truly
dedicated to quality commentary about SyFy’s Halloween schedule.
Oct 8 08:30 AM Deep South
Paranormal Till Death Do Us Part
Oct 8 09:30 AM Deep South
Paranormal Got Them Lady In Black Blues
Oct 8 10:30 AM Deep South
Paranormal Old Soldiers Never Die
When did this
happen? There is no way I can address this iteration of the whole
“ghost hunting” TV show nonsense without deriding the South. And
given that I recently got all bent out of shape about people deriding
the South I am not going to do that. But all of this is just complete
bullshit. And that’s coming from somebody that does not dismiss the
possibility of the paranormal. I think that weird shit can happen. I
just don’t think any of these bozos on TV are ever going to
document any of it.
-Phantom
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