I’m
writing this introduction before I have even opened Afterlife
With Archie.
I want to be sure and get across just how much I have no idea what to
expect.
I
mean, I know all about
Archie – who doesn’t? I know Betty (the nice girl) and Veronica
(the rich bitch) fight over Archie. Jughead’s his best pal. Reggie
is a rich snob. Moose is the overgrown jock (though I can’t
remember if he and Archie are friendly). I think the principal is Mr.
Weatherby and there’s an old lady teacher. I know the basics.
I
looked at the list of what was new and the first
seemingly-appropriate title was this one. I have never
read an Archie comic in my entire life, so I thought this could be a
fun review on many levels. Not just for the fact that it was an
unprecedented Archie comic about zombies, but also because it would
be my first real exposure to that universe. I bought the last issue
they had and took it into work with me.
Oddly,
as soon as I got into work I got this text from Rescue John (who
never
texts):
“You
should get Afterlife With Archie – it’s awesome.”
That’s
a heck of a coincidence right there.
So
now it’s well into my shift, I’ve got everything pretty much
lined up for the night, and I’m going to crack open my very first
Archie comic.
Here’s
a look at the back cover before I begin:
Sounds
about like what I expected, but the interesting thing is that the
illustration at the top is buy none other than my current favorite
working artist, Francesco Francavilla! That’s pretty cool. Then I
open the book and holy
shit all of the interior art is Francavilla!
My
mind is blown.
***
*Minor
but not total spoilers ahead*
Okay,
so I’ve read the first issue now. My mind is still blown.
While
the cover I bought did seem just a bit lascivious for an Archie
comic, I decided Betty’s get-up wasn’t much different from a
bikini. I was still expecting a fairly family-friendly comic despite
the subject matter. Heck, this might even be a zombie story I could
share with Lil’ Troublemaker.
Not
even.
The
issue opens with the most horrifying thing I could have thought of
prior to reading this comic – Jughead’s loyal hound, Hot Dog, has
been hit by a car. He brings his old pal to Sabrina, the Teenage
Witch and her aunts to see if there’s anything they can do, but
sadly there isn’t. Hot Dog was already dead by the time Hilda and
Zelda can work their magick on him.
This
is all horrible and heartbreaking and not at all what I was
expecting. I am most definitely not disappointed, but I can’t
remember the last time a comic surprised me this much.
Also,
Francavilla’s artwork is beautiful. It creates a dark and macabre
atmosphere that is a direct contrast to what you would ever expect
out of a comic featuring the residents of Riverdale.
When
Sabrina and her aunts can’t help, Jughead goes home and situates
Hot Dog in his dog house. But Sabrina just can’t stand seeing her
pal in so much pain, and what happens next is straight-up Pet
Sematary, but not in a ripoff way; in a tribute way.
Now,
as the reader I knew this was a terrible idea. But what happens next
is super fucked up, even compared to Jughead’s dog being killed. I
am not going to tell you what happens next because I want you to go
out and buy this book (which might be hard because I bet it’s going
to be sold out everywhere, especially once people start reading
reviews).
The
next page opens with the caption “The next morning. Riverdale High.
(Less than 12 hours to first contagion)”
Dude,
what the fuck. This is being set up like any legitimate horror movie.
Now
we are seeing more standard Archie fare, though Betty and Veronica
overtly using the word “sexy” seems like a little more than we
might get out of a standard Archieverse book. The two are, of course,
fighting over who is going to accompany Archie to the Riverdale High
Halloween Dance (because of
course
they have a Halloween Dance).
Art-wise
Francavilla is providing familiar, yet more mature depictions of the
characters we all know (even if we’ve never read and Archie book).
All of the designs ring true, but the characters are not sporting
their familiar exaggerated facial expressions or using over-the-top
pantomime. Everybody is subdued and… heavy.
Eventually
a terrible secret is revealed and eventually…
Eventually
Hot Dog…
Comes
back home…
I
seriously don’t want to tell you anything else. This comic book is
so impressive and so awesome that I really just want everybody to
read it. If I had the money (and the time to hunt down more issues),
I would totally buy a bunch of copies just to give to people to hook
them on this crazy fucking book. I had so much fun reading it, and
was so surprised by it.
And
the thing to remember is this – writer Roberto Aguirre-Sacasa and
Francavilla apparently have carte blanche to do whatever they want to
do in this world. The mind boggles at what could be accomplished with
these familiar characters in a horror setting. Because I doubt very
much we’re going to be limited to zombies. I don’t think these
guys are going for the Archie gang in The
Walking Dead.
I get the feeling they’re going for an all-out, gonzo horrorshow
that just happens to feature what are traditionally the most
wholesome comic book characters this side of Duckberg. And the whole
series – like this issue – will be chock full of subtle and
not-so-subtle nods to all the horror we know and love. Issue #1 alone
features bits acknowledging Pet
Sematary,
Night of
the Living Dead,
and even an appearance by everybody’s favorite demonic tome, the
Necronomicon!
Buy
this book. Buy it now.
Phantom
Troublemaker vs. 31 Days of Halloween
I’m
changing the format a bit this year in order to more accurately
portray SyFy’s schedule and also to preserve my sanity. I had the
genius idea to cut and paste the schedule directly from SyFy’s page
rather than typing it out in my own format. This has saved me an
awful lot of time and also means that individual episodes are listed
rather than blocks of programming like previous years. So what I’m
going to do is provide commentary where I feel it is needed rather
than posting next to every single entry. Don’t worry – you’re
getting the same amount of hilarious, then kind of funny, then
labored, then thoroughly disenchanted Phantom content. Just in a
different way.
Like
last year, I am covering the programming from the time this posts
until the time of the next post. That means that on Fridays you are
going to be treated to a shit-ton of this stuff.
Let’s
do it!
Oct 14 11:30 AM 31 Days Of Halloween
Movie The Cursed
No, not Cursed,
which is a kind of funny but not very good movie starring Jesse
Eisenberg and Christina Ricci. This is The
Cursed,
which I don’t know anything about.
Oct 14 01:30 PM 31 Days Of Halloween
Movie Open Graves
I want to watch
this one. It sounds like kind of a loony, low-budget take on Final
Destination.
Plus, Eliza Dushku is in it.
Oct 14 03:30 PM 31 Days Of Halloween
Movie My Soul To Take
This one
actually is from Wes Craven, but I thought it looked terrible so I’ve
never seen it. It bombed at the box office and has abysmal reviews,
so it looks like I was right to avoid it. Naturally, I am now very
curious.
Oct 14 05:30 PM 31 Days Of Halloween
Movie Blade II
Oct 14 08:00 PM 31 Days Of Halloween
Movie The Devil's Advocate
Every year SyFy
shows this as part of their Halloween lineup and every year I wish
they wouldn’t. It’s not necessarily a bad movie, it just isn’t
really a horror movie. It’s more like if the Lifetime channel tired
to make a horror movie.
Oct 14 11:00 PM 31 Days Of Halloween
Movie Nightmare On Elm Street 4: The Dream Master
Oct 14 01:00 AM 31 Days Of Halloween
Movie Nightmare On Elm Street 5: The Dream Child
Oct 14 03:00 AM The Twilight
Zone Queen Of The Nile
Oct 14 03:30 AM The Twilight
Zone What's In The Box
Can anybody out
there even hear or see the phrase “What’s in the box” without
thinking about Brad Pitt’s panicked, heart-rending delivery from
Se7en?
I can’t.
Oct 15 06:00 AM Paid Programming
Oct 15 08:00 AM Fangasm Beam Me Up,
Stan
Oct 15 09:00 AM Fangasm A Date With A
Supermodel
Oct 15 10:00 AM Fangasm Take Me To
Your Lee-der
More
of this. Not the least bit Halloweeny, but I’m not rating that this
year. Because I totally forgot I usually do that until I pulled up an
old post to reference the other day. I need an editor.
-Phantom
Anybody besides me miss the old Sci-Fi Channel? Because every year syfy has 31 days of halloween this sucks!
ReplyDeleteUnfortunately the "old Sci-Fi Channel" that people so frequently lament over was not financially feasible. Which means that the only folks to blame for the perceived differences are humanity and TV watchers at large. If the old programming schedule had been profitable they wouldn't have changed it.
DeleteAlso, while an awful lot of their Halloween schedule does suck, it is all month long and has plenty of fun programmig to offer.