What
better way to celebrate the impending holiday than by doing a review
of a guy dressed up as a bat?
No,
no – not Batman.
Batros.
You
know – Batros? From that one episode of He-Man
and the Masters of the Universe?
He was the guy that was dressed up like a bat because… uh…
because some writer thought, “Heck, we haven’t done a bat guy”.
And who better to steal some books than a bat guy?
Right?
So
Batros may have been sort of a lame Batman ripoff, but like he always
does Bruce Wayne won in the end by turning the tables and becoming a
lame Batros ripoff. EAT THAT, He-Man!
I’m
gonna be honest, here – I didn’t remember any
of these Filmation characters when I signed up for this sub. I just
wanted the figures because they all looked even loonier than regular
MOTU characters. I assume it’s because they didn’t have to
actually exist as toys (at the time), so the cartoon’s creators
went out there a bit. For the most part I am totally happy with the
MOTUC line as long as the characters look crazy. I don’t really
care how obscure they are, though I do prefer if they have some kind
of actual history. That’s not to say I’d prefer one of these
Filmation characters or a concept figure over, say, Modulok; but I
don’t hate on these more obscure and sometimes silly creations.
Except
for the bunny guy. I’ll get to him soon enough.
Batros
here is so silly that I asked my Needless Things Podcast co-host Mr.
Beau Brown if he could throw a few extra words in to help out. His
words will be in BLUE
TEXT,
like Batros’ stupid hat.
First
Glance:
I literally laughed out loud when I opened this mailer. History has
taught us that a man in a bat suit can look not-silly. Menacing,
even. Clearly Filmation slept through history class. Batros looks
like a grade-A goofball. And I LOVE HIM FOR IT.
Articulation:
Batros has the standard MOTUC articulation.
Head
– ball joint
Shoulders
– ball joints
Biceps
- swivels
Elbows
–pivots
Wrists
– swivels
Abdomen
- pivot
Waist
– swivel
Hips
– ball joints
Thighs
– swivels
Knees
–pivots
Boot
Tops - swivels
Ankles
– rockers
Holy
frijoles! Batros’ ankle rockers actually work really well! I don’t
normally start with the feet, but I was so surprised by what is
lately a rare occurrence that I had to go ahead and comment. Nice
job, Matty!
Batros’
head is obviously somewhat restricted by the furry collar that is the
bottom portion of his bat hat.
I
expected his elbows to be restricted by his wings, but they pivot
just as deeply as any other MOTUC figure.
My
Batros’ abdominal pivot was stuck at first and I thought that it
just didn’t have the usual range, but after a little careful
bending I got it unstuck and it moves just fine.
All
of the other joints on this figure work quite well. They are all
tight and hold poses, but none are stuck to the point where I had to
resort to hot water or the freezer.
Sculpt:
Batros has a new head, biceps, and feet(!).
The
head is straight-up Alex Toth. From the incredibly unsubtle profile
to the “LOOK AT MAH EVIL EYES!” eyes, Batros could easily be from
Space Ghost or the Herculoids. The cowl is detailed with fur and I
love the notches in the ears. His face has a distinctive shape even
if you discount the evil eyes and the fangs, but why
would you ever discount those fangs!?!
They look so dainty and refined. This is not a man that drinks blood.
This is a man that sips
blood. Probably with his pinky out.
Most
of the body is from other figures but looks absolutely appropriate
for Batros. The matching bracers are cool and the loin cloth… why
am I talking about this? It’s Masters of the Universe. He has a
loin cloth. They all
have loin cloths.
The
new biceps have wings attached to them and I am absolutely shocked at
how good they look and how well they work. After the Sorceress
debacle, I didn’t expect Matty to know how to handle wings on a
humanoid (and no – Stratos’ don’t count; they barely even
interact with the sculpt). But Batros’ wings look great and do not
interfere with the figure’s posing or articulation at all. As a
matter of fact, his elbows seem to me to pivot just a wee bit more
deeply than other MOTUC figures. The wings are a sculpted part of the
new biceps. They are made from a softer, more flexible plastic, but
in this case that’s fine.
He
has the Demo Man clawed hands. He also sports a new booted feet
design that I like.
Holy
crap! I thought for sure that Batros had the same boot-tops as Icer
and I was wrong! I find this foot/boot combination to be absolutely
bizarre and I find it even stranger that Mattel actually sculpted new
parts rather than just putting Icer’s boots on Roboto’s feet.
Because they totally could have. What we got looks good, though, and
most importantly the rocker ankles actually work really well.
Coloring:
Batros’ skin tone is great. He looks like a creature of the night
with the sallow purplish-grey skin. It has a nice wash to bring out
some of the definition. This is a unique skin color among the MOTUC
figures so far and it really makes Batros stand out. Well, almost as
much as his stupid hat does.
The
blue parts are just blue and lack any sort of wash, though the bat
ears do have some darker coloring inside. I get why the blue parts
are blue and I wouldn’t want it to be different from the cartoon,
but I think black or dark grey with a black wash would look so much
better. But then the character wouldn’t be nearly as Filmation-y.
The black belt and bracers with the glossy studs look awesome.
Batros’
face is solid. The paint on the eyes reinforces that feeling of Toth
influence and the fangs are tightly done, with the paint covering
what it should and not slopping over onto the mouth.
The
wings are a matte black on the outside and an almost vulgar red
inside with a dark wash to break it up a bit. They look great.
Overall
Batros has an excellent paint job. The shades and glosses all look
awesome and there are no errors on mine.
Flair:
Batros has a new harness and a fluffy little collar.
The
chest symbol. Ugh. It is so a Horde emblem. But it's not. But then
you see it and your brain automatically sees the Horde. So it can be
distracting but I suppose the Horde hasn’t totally cornered the
market on red bat public awareness campaigns.
Yeah,
that emblem is pretty Hordey. I bet Hordak has sent this guy a bunch
of cease-and-desists. Looks like Batros never got them. Probably
because Hordak sent Cy-Chop
to
deliver them. Hordak, you
don’t have the guy with giant scissor hands deliver your mail.
Dumbass.
I
like the harness a lot. It has a solid thickness to it and is another
piece that is just different enough to make Batros stand out. But it
is also totally a barbarian shirt and plants him firmly in the
Masters Universe.
The
furry collar would be the funniest fucking thing I have ever seen if
it were by itself. Just this little muffler around some unfortunate
figure’s neck. But it is actually meant to be the lower part of
Batros’ cowl, so it is only the second
funniest thing ever. It looks good when you’re taking in the whole
figure, but when you get up close and are just looking at the head
and neck it makes it look like Batros has a super-long neck. But it’s
okay. No biggie.
Accessories:
Batros comes with a shitty rubber mace that is absolutely bent the fuck up:
He
comes with a repaint of Spikor's mace. Which makes no sense. In his
one FILMATION episode, his big master plan is to steal all of
Eternia's books. We get a nice speech, which is a good message.
Knowledge is power, kids.
We
have had two books released as accessories with Orko and Shadow
Weaver. The guy's whole deal is books. He should have just come with
a repaint of one of the books and a spell casting hand since he
spends most of the episode shooting energy blasts from his hands. We
get no explanation where these powers come from. Sadly, we don't have
a clawed male spell casting hand. We have gloved (Faceless One) and
ungloved (Marzo). We have opposite problem with the females since the
female spell casting hands have nice lady fingernails on them
(Castaspella, Catra, Shadow Weaver). This meant that Shokoti who is
magic as fuck has the female accessory holding gloved hands that can
hold the zero accessories she comes with. The mace itself looks fine
but has no place on Batros. With its black and red color scheme I
suppose it could find a place on another Horde member. It would look
good with a Horde Trooper.
Packaging:
It’s a blister card! The most powerful packaging in the universe!
Okay,
maybe not. But I do love blister cards. Don’t make me pull tools
out of my utility belt to open a friggin; action figure.
Here’s
his bio:
You
needn’t say “mercenary” twice. And “filch”? Really? This
sinister, shadowy, dark mercenary tried to filch
books? Somebody please get Toy Guru an editor. Edi-Tor.
Real
Name. Wiley? Just Wiley. No last name. I don't know many Wileys. I
know Wile E. Coyote who I have a great fondness for as someone with
ambition and unique approaches to situations. Not many others. Batros
comes from a race of half-man half-bat pirates. A whole race of them!
Now I know of a whole race of half-man half-bat guys called the
Spillians. Who REALLY look like half-man half-bat guys. Lord Dactys
looks awesome. Apparently Batros comes from some race of guys who
look an awful lot like humans and wear exciting Furry Leather Bear
Rave Party Bat outfits. Which means he also looks exactly like the
bat-guy should in He-Man.
Value:
As I’ve said before, these Filmation releases feel slightly more
special than the regular line. I know that’s an illusion, but let
me have my moment. Because of that. I feel like they come a lot
closer to being worth the money. They still aren’t
worth $34. They just seem closer.
Overall:
I love this guy. So far the Filmation sub has been nothing but wins.
Obviously Batros isn’t a necessity, but he’s a darn fun figure
that looks really neat. If you see one at a con, I’d say pick him
up. He'd be perfect if not for the shitty mace and Beau being right about the book thing.
I
really want to put him on a flight stand. If Duncan wasn't already
the Batman of MOTU, Batros at least has the silhouette. He has that
caveman Batman look about him.
4 out of 5
Check
out BigBad or eBay if you want to pay a premium. Matty might
have some left over to sell for their Black Friday (or whatever) sale
this year.
Maybe
in the end he is in fact MOTU's Wile E. Coyote. He looks just like he
bought the bat suit from the Acme Catalogue, put it on and is ready
to run off the cliff. He is a great one off villain from FILMATION
and to me looks like a Masters character should.
Good
Journey,
-Beau
Phantom
Troublemaker vs. 31 Days of Halloween
I’m
changing the format a bit this year in order to more accurately
portray SyFy’s schedule and also to preserve my sanity. I had the
genius idea to cut and paste the schedule directly from SyFy’s page
rather than typing it out in my own format. This has saved me an
awful lot of time and also means that individual episodes are listed
rather than blocks of programming like previous years. So what I’m
going to do is provide commentary where I feel it is needed rather
than posting next to every single entry. Don’t worry – you’re
getting the same amount of hilarious, then kind of funny, then
labored, then thoroughly disenchanted Phantom content. Just in a
different way.
Like
last year, I am covering the programming from the time this posts
until the time of the next post. That means that on Fridays you are
going to be treated to a shit-ton of this stuff.
Let’s
do it!
Oct 10 11:00 AM Ghost
Whisperer Unhappy Medium
Oct 10 12:00 PM Ghost Whisperer Bad
Blood
Oct 10 01:00 PM Ghost Whisperer All
Ghosts Lead To Grandview
Oct 10 02:00 PM Ghost
Whisperer Holiday Spirit
Oct 10 03:00 PM Ghost Whisperer Slam
Oct 10 04:00 PM Ghost Whisperer First
Do No Harm
Oct 10 05:00 PM Ghost Whisperer,
S5 Dead Listing
Oct 10 06:00 PM Ghost Whisperer,
S5 Lost In Shadows
As you may know
if you are any kind of fan of Needless Things, I find Jennifer Love
Hewitt to be absolutely delightful. She is charming and sweet in
interviews and can dress like an absolute slut-pot and still seem
totally innocent and demure. That’s a tricky thing, right there.
I’ve seen more
than a few episodes of Ghost
Whisperer over
the years, and while it doesn’t compel me like other shows do, it
is a perfectly nice setting in which to enjoy Ms. Love Hewitt for 42
minutes. You will not, however, get to see her dressed like a
slut-pot on this show. So here you go:
Oct 10 07:00 PM 31 Days Of Halloween
Movie Night Of The Demons
SyFy just blew
my fucking mind. There is a remake of Night
of the Demons that
is four years old and I didn’t even know about it? I would refer
back to my old posts to make sure I haven’t referred to it before,
but I just don’t have that kind of time or willpower. Shannon
Elizabeth is in this remake. She dresses like a slut-pot lots
but doesn’t quite pull of the innocent and demure thing:
It’s okay,
Shannon, we still think you’re super.
Oct 10 09:00 PM Syfy Original
Movie Ghost Shark
That last movie
aside, there is a definite ghost theme today. I appreciate when SyFy
puts that kind of effort into their programming. Except for when it’s
natural disaster day. I hate natural disaster movies.
We have Ghost
Shark
on the DVR and I still haven’t watched it. It can’t possibly be
as good as Sharktopus
and it can’t possibly be as bad as Sharknado.
There’s just no winning here.
Oct 10 11:00 PM Syfy Original
Movie Ghost Town
Hot the heck is
a movie with a dull, uninspired name like Ghost
Town
supposed to stand out amongst titles like Ghost
Shark,
Ghost
Storm,
Thir13en
Ghosts,
and The
Ghost Stole My Banana?
Oct 10 01:00 AM Syfy Original
Movie Ghost Voyage
Ghost on a boat.
Slightly more intriguing than ghost in a town. Significantly less
intriguing than The
Ghost With Shannon Elizabeth’s Boobs.
Oct 10 03:00 AM Syfy Original
Movie Haunted Prison
I saw some of
this one last year and it was actually pretty fucked up. Check it
out.
Oct 10 05:00 AM Deals From The
Darkside Bamberg Shackles
Watch some turd
take advantage of stupid people with too much money.
Oct 11 06:00 AM Paid Programming
Watch some turd
take advantage of stupid people with too much money.
Oct 11 08:00 AM Friday The 13th: The
Series Cupid's Quiver
Oct 11 09:00 AM Friday The 13th: The
Series The Poison Pen
Oct 11 10:00 AM Friday The 13th: The
Series A Cup Of Time
I LOVE THIS
SHOW. I don’t know if it’s the best horror-themed show ever, but
it’s really good. It suffers a little bit from being very 80s, but
is still a lot of fun to watch.
-Phantom
No comments:
Post a Comment