Once
again I need to cove a little bit of the night before I get to the
next day. Though technically I suppose it was Sunday by the time I
got back to Dragon Con after The Happy Ending.
And the first thing I saw? Evil in his Not Mandarin costume:
That
shit is amazing. He even got the right shirt.
I
was good and drunk by that time, so I had no problem giving him shit
for not doing interviews. The only reason I even applied for e Media
Badge this year – literally
the only reason
– was to try and get an interview with Gates. That guy is my hero.
But I was told he was not doing interviews. So that combined with the
attempted limitations on my picture-taking were enough to make me
stuff that ribbon back in the envelope and just go about my normal
Dragon Con business.
To
his credit, he was as cool as I thought he would be. I still want to
interview that dude.
I
also ran into Chris Gore:
He
was hanging out with Platinum Championship Wrestling’s own Shane
Mackey and I had the opportunity to have a very interesting
conversation with that gentleman. It’s part of a much larger and
funnier story that I will one day publish when the situation is
appropriate.
I
ran into an absolutely perfect Irisa:
And
then we – of course – went to a rave.
Because that’s what you
do at 2 AM at Dragon Con. This one was pretty bad. We knew it was
called “The Last Party on Alderaan” because there was a giant
screen with a 3.5 second loop of a Stormtrooper dancing and the words
“The Last Party on Alderaan” kept flashing up. I don’t know
what was going on, but it took four dudes up on a platform to
coordinate the wholly mediocre music that was happening.
We
decided to hit up the Con Suite in the Hyatt at some point. I didn’t
expect there to be much there at that hour, but I also didn’t have
any other plans. We met these hilarious ladies:
And
I totally could have partied with them some more. One of them was a
skilled kazooer. Kazzooist? Help me out here, Spellcheck.
There
was absolutely nothing – besides those ladies – going on in the
Con Suite, so we boogied on back to the Marriott and the raves
therein. I was very excited to run into the Doctor Puppet lady:
And
when we got to the rave Evil was very excited to show off his mad
hula hoop skills:
This
rave was tons better than the last one, mainly because of Zoidberg:
We
stayed in there for a while, then headed back out to the Atrium. I
felt good and accomplished – it was time to call it a night. I took
a picture of the last of the revelers and headed back to the room,
knowing I was going to need to get up around the crack of noon to get
everything done.
Saturday
I
had no reason whatsoever to get out of that soft, comfy Hilton bed
Sunday morning. My next panel – the Masters of the Universe one –
was at 5:30 PM and I wasn’t nervous about that one at all. I knew I
had Mr. Beau Brown with me and that he would probably do the majority
of the talking. So I regained consciousness – blissfully
hangover-free – around 11 AM and just laid in bed watching Dragon
Con TV, which is the best kind of TV you can watch.
Eventually
I got sick of the leftover funky taste in my mouth from the night
before and got up to brush my teeth. As soon as I did I remembered
that the panel with Peter Davison and Sylvester McCoy was at 4 PM.
I’d have just enough time to stash my stuff for the evening’s
panels in the Track room, grab something to eat, and catch that panel
before 5:30.
The
lines for panels in the Marriott Atrium Ballroom are very, very long.
Both panels I saw in there over the weekend required a couple blocks’
walk to get to where I ended up, and both times the line stretched
far beyond where I was. Right after I exited the Marriott I passed a
guy who was proclaiming, “If you’re getting in line for the
Doctor Who panel you can just forget it! The room only holds five
hundred!” and stomping away. I think that’s pretty shitty and
irresponsible because if people who didn’t know any better heard
him they might give up and miss out on a potentially great panel. I’m
sure the guy didn’t know any better, but he was acting like a giant
baby.
I
ended up in line next to a guy in a pretty impressive homemade
Eleventh Doctor costume. I admire that because I will be buying that
purple coat when Abbeyshot Clothiers produce it. I do not have the
time or skills (mostly skills) to make such a thing. I chatted with
him a little bit, and we both took or coats off because it was
disgusting and hot and muggy outside. And we were standing beside
what must have been a vent designed to keep underground piles of
garbage from exploding.
Once
we got inside it was only slightly less hot and stinky.
I
don’t know how this happens, but I always end up sitting next to
large people. I myself am a large people, so that just never works
out well. I don’t understand why I can’t ever end up next to
petite, nice-smelling ladies. But it just doesn’t ever happen.
Maybe I should carry some with me.
The
panel itself was a bit awkward. The moderator had a couple of good
questions, but the chemistry between him, McCoy, and Davison was off.
Don’t get me wrong – it was still very interesting and an
absolute thrill to be able to see two Doctors up on stage together.
It was just odd. And then they started a Q&A session.
I
fucking hate Q&A sessions.
I
think fan panels where the audience gets to interact with the
panelists are awesome. It makes everybody feel like part of the
experience and creates a fun group dynamic. But when actual
celebrities are up there, there’s a reason they’re getting paid
to be at Dragon Con and I’m waiting in line for an hour or more to
see them. And it’s not so I can listen to some moron ask about
Episode 47 and what kind of socks the person was wearing or if they
prefer Maroon 5 or Nickelback. It’s not entertaining to me and I
feel like it’s a burden on the guests (though I suppose I’m wrong
because they all seem to be fine with it). I just think it’s a bit
much to ask these people to try and make something entertaining out
of questions from uninformed goobers.
And
no – I am not in any way saying that everybody that attends Dragon
Con is an uninformed goober. Just the people that seem to find their
way to the mics during Q&A sessions.
John
Barrowman handled his Q&A session beautifully. He got a number of
questions and when they were dumb he just went ahead and talked about
whatever the fuck he wanted to talk about. And was so animated about
it that nobody even noticed. But I think other celebrities are in a
perpetual state of having to stop themselves from saying, “What
kind of dumbass question is that?”
So
anyway, when they started lining up people for the Q&A I leaned
over to the Eleventh Doctor and told him I was leaving. I don’t
know why, but I felt that I owed him an explanation.
This
left me with over an hour before I needed to show up for my panel. I
was already in the Marriott, so I decided I might as well run through
the Walk of Fame again. I had only hit up Peter Davison on that first
visit and the room had been half full anyway. I didn’t really plan
on getting anything signed (I didn’t have anything with me), but
it’s always interesting to cruise through that room and see what’s
happening.
The
first person I saw when I walked in was CCH Pounder and there was
nobody
at her table.
I didn’t understand that at all. That lady is awesome in everything
and has popped up in so many great genre shows. Plus she is
Amanda Waller. Period. So I went over to talk to her. I am not the
best conversationalist when it comes to Famous People. It’s not as
bad as those old Chris Farley sketches, but I just don’t know what
I’m supposed to talk to them about. Our lives are very different.
But I found out this was her first Dragon Con and ended up having a
fun conversation with her about conventions and the effect genre
television has and fans in general. She was a very sweet lady and
definitely a little overwhelmed by Con. The picture I picked out
happened to be the only one of that kind she had. I just thought she
looked extra sassy in it and told her so.
After
thanking Ms. Pounder I headed off around the corner and beheld a
truly awesome sight – Michael Rooker was standing beside a table,
holding court for a small group of people.
I
have thought Michael Rooker to be one of the baddest of asses ever
since Henry:
Portrait of A Serial Killer.
His turn in Mallrats
only reinforced his coolness rather than undermining it. Follow that
up with a string of awesome performances up to and including the
lovable yet reprehensible Merle from The
Walking Dead
and you’ve got a bona fide Bronson-esque man’s man. I had
to get a picture with that guy.
The
line to see him was not long, so I jumped right in. There were a
couple of kids in front of me and I’m glad for that because I got
to see the most charming thing I saw all weekend.
The
kids told Rooker that their Meemaw was a huge fan of Merle and TWD.
Rooker asked them where she was and they said she was at home because
she couldn’t get out for Dragon Con. He told them to call her, so
one of the kids pulled out his phone and dialed up. When Meemaw
answered, Rooker grabbed the phone and said, “Is this Meemaw? Why
aren’t you here? This is Merle and I’m pretty pissed off that you
didn’t come out to see me. Well you’ve got a great couple of kids
here, Meemaw. Alright, love you too.”
That
was awesome to see. This is a guy who truly loves doing what he does.
I
was up next and got my picture:
And
also got him to sign a pic of his monster from Slither.
Let
me tell you – just being in that man’s presence is something. He
emits power and intensity. I think the closest I’ve been to being
quite that awe-inspired by somebody’s sheer presence was Stephen
Platinum.
On
the other end of the spectrum is Julian Sands, who was two table over
and very quiet. He has a whole different sort of intensity to him. I
hadn’t even known that he was at Dragon Con, but was excited to see
him. I was really hoping he would have a picture from Naked
Lunch.
He and his assistant both seemed confused by that. I picked out a
nice pic from Warlock
and got that signed, instead. Later on Mrs. Troublemaker told me he’s
on Dexter,
so I guess that and Warlock
are kind of more his thing than some weird, old Cronenberg film.
Side
Note: I watched Videodrome
for the first time the other night. I didn’t even realize I hadn’t
seen it before. I thought I was a better movie fan than that. I kind
of want to write a review, but would that be moot at this point?
After
chatting briefly with Mr. Sands it was time for me to be on my way. I
had my own business to attend to.
Which
you’ll just have to read about on Monday when I post Needless
Things Podcast Episode 11: Dragon Con Masters of the Universe Panel
with William Stout(!).
Of
course, immediately after that I had the GI Joe Panel, which you can
read about next Wednesday(!!) when I post Needless Things Podcast
Episode 12: Dragon Con GI Joe: A Real American Hero Panel!
Yeah,
seriously. Two podcasts in a week and five (FIVE) within a month. I’m
taking the rest of the year off (not really).
Just
to wrap this up, both panels went ridiculously well. It was
fascinating talking to Mr. Stout – a world-renowned artist and the
Production Designer on Masters
of the Universe
– and the Joe panel might be my favorite one that I’ve been on.
The
Hooligans had decided earlier in the day that we would try to make
Chinese Dinner happen after the GI Joe panel. Gnoll was on the panel
with me – and was great, by the way, like I knew he would be –
and had made reservations this time. I ran back to my room to change
because I really just wanted to be comfortable for a while. The
problem was that dinner was at 8:30, I had the ESO Podcast at 10-ish,
and I was introducing Calabrese sometime during their 1:30 show. I
had
to have the mask on for those last two but I also wanted to wear my
Phantom Murdermaker costume because I hadn’t had an opportunity to
all weekend.
I
really sweated over that one. In the end I decided to pursue the
least practical route and wear regular clothes to dinner, run back to
the room and change into Murdermaker for the podcast, then go back to
the room and change into my rock n’ roll gear for Calabrese. It
took me a while just to get back to the room and make my decision, so
I texted Evil and asked him to go ahead and place my order whenever
they got seated. I had also told Rock N’ Roll Jonathan and his lady
Indrid that I would meet up with them on the way to dinner. I like
the both of them and wanted to hang out some more.
On
the way to dinner we saw this:
I
had predicted dudes dressed up like Miley Cyrus and I am glad that I
never saw it in person. Her costume is not accurate, but her head
certainly is.
I
have to go ahead and say right now that I made all of these things
happen and it was totally amazing.
Dinner
was great as usual. Once we got past some initial seating
difficulties it was all General Tso’s chicken and
Forbidden
Mai Tais
And
I don’t care what Little Pond says (repeatedly) – the Chinese Mai
Tais are better. They’re not as strong as Trader Vic’s, but
they’re fucking delicious.
After
dinner we all dispersed and I got back to the room as fast as I
could. Our reservation had been for 8:30 (again), but we didn’t get
out of there until probably 10:30. The ESO Podcast was a sort of
“come in and talk when you want” sort of thing, so being late
wasn’t so bad. But being really
late kind of would be. Fortunately the Murdermaker costume is super
easy – coveralls and a mask that straps on rather than tying up
like my wrestling masks. Unfortunately
the mask is latex and makes me sweat like a Catholic in… well,
pretty much anywhere. Sweat will literally pour out from the bottom
of the mask. But I love that costume and was determined to wear it.
I
got to the podcast right around 11 and managed to get my two cents in
around sips of beer. I only made it through one can the whole time I
was there and I think it was because sweat was pouring directly from
my mask into the can.
After
the podcast I ran back to the room to take a quick shower and change.
My rock n’ roll get-up was the most comfortable thing I wore all
weekend. I felt like a whole new person and headed out for one big,
final night of partying.
My
first photo victim after changing was this chick:
I
just liked whatever the heck she was wearing. She is clearly happy to
be involved in whatever it is I am doing.
Then
I saw these folks:
I
don’t know why this picture is so blurry - I wasn't even drunk yet. That shit just happens
sometimes. They’re dressed as contestants from Super
Sloppy Double Dare.
I asked them if that’s what we were calling Sunday night at Dragon
Con now. I was kind of proud of myself for that one.
Let
me tell you about this adorable little lady:
I
said, “Excuse me little donut bear – I don’t know what you are
but it’s awfully cute. Can I get a picture?”
She
said she was Donutella (sp?) from Toki Doki and clearly expected that
I would know what the heck that meant. Now, I will admit that “Toki
Doki” rang a bell, but I wasn’t sure if it was a cartoon or a
video game or what. Then her friend started eating her donut. And I’m
sure there was no innuendo involved in that whatsoever.
They
said that I should hang out with them because they’re fun and they
were going to be getting into trouble. I am old and married and don’t
like fun or trouble, so I told them to have fun without me and went
on my way. And immediately ran into a group of luchadors in much
better shape than me:
I
also passed this photographer lady several times. She was definitely
doing business – taking photos with a purpose. But her crazy sci-fi
bodysuit looked pretty awesome, so I had to get a shot of her:
And
these folks:
I
caught them coming up the escalator and assumed they were something
specific. The designs and profiles all just worked too well together.
I’ve gotten in the habit of asking people what they are now. Not
because I necessarily need to know, but because I’ve noticed that
folks really seem to enjoy talking about their costumes. It turns out
they were all original designs they just put together. I think they
look great.
Obviously
this guy was spot-on:
And
I don’t know what this guy is doing, but I’m pretty sure it’s
something douchey. He was just walking around like that, not really
paying attention to what he was doing. I really
wanted to swat that thing out of his hand. But instead I went in the
other direction because I had a very specific problem to address.
I
hadn’t seen Calabrese all weekend and I was supposed to be
introducing them in about an hour.
If
you listened to Episode 9 of the Needless Things Podcast
then you know that Jimmy and Bobby asked me to introduce them at
their Dragon Con show, which was possibly even more exciting than
seeing Princess Genius in person:
But
every time I had a moment to stop by their table that weekend they
weren’t there. Now, it’s not like I had a ton of times to stop
by. I went by Thursday night and none of the bands were really in
yet. Then on Friday I had my sober agenda to work through and didn’t
really think about it. Then panels on Saturday then holy shit it’s
Sunday already. You know how Dragon Con is.
But
now time was up and I had to talk to somebody. So I went to the table
and talked to the gentleman there, who turned out to be the patriarch
of the Calabrese clan. He was super nice and showed me to the
backstage area so I could talk to the guys. I found Davey back there
working on his drum kit. He was the one brother I hadn’t talked to
before, so I wasn’t sure how he was going to be.
He
was, of course, just as cool as Bobby and Jimmy. He knew about the
intro and we kind of went over what we were going to do. The guys
have a standard show intro, then play a few songs, then do the full
band intro. I’d be doing that this time. I told him how stoked I
was and said I’d be right up front, ready to go. And then –
because I have learned a thing or two – I checked with security to
see how they wanted to do things and make sure they knew what was
going on. It was good that I did because they would not have let me
up on stage otherwise, regardless of whether or not the band called
me up. They told me where to stand and talked to everybody working
the show about what was going to happen. I was very impressed.
And
here’s where I’m going to sound like a drooling Dragon Con
sycophant. But if you’ve read my older recaps you know that is far
from the truth. I have done more than my share of pointing out faults
with Dragon Con staff when I have perceived them. But over the past
couple of years I have seen an outstanding improvement in
organization and professionalism. The scheduling seems tighter, the
events seem more organized, and the staff seems more informed. There
has been a minimum of the rude yelling at attendees that used to be a
regular part of Con. As a matter of fact, I didn’t witness any this
year. So good job on that, Dragon Con.
Back
to my situation - I had gotten everything ironed out with Calabrese
and with Dragon Con security. But there was one huge problem left to
deal with.
I
had spent the entire weekend yelling at wrestlers, talking on panels,
talking over large crowds, not drinking enough water, and drinking
way too much beer.
My
voice was fucking shot.
I
had no idea what was going to happen when I got on that mic in front
of Calabrese and several hundred excited rock n’ roll fans. But I
was doing it anyway. I had to. I had been drinking nothing but water
since the ESO panel and had a pocket full of Halls Soothers – which
I highly recommend, by the way – that I had been sucking on.
I
got right up front as planned, but realized there was another
problem. Nobody I knew was there to record my big moment. It was too
late for me to go wandering around to find somebody, but I couldn’t
very well do this thing and not have it documented. So I leaned over
to the girl next to me and told her what was going to happen. I asked
her if she’d mind getting video, showed her how to work my camera,
and hoped she had a steadier hand and better aim than most of the
people that I know.
After
that I ended up talking to a couple on my other side. The girl was a
big Mike Patton fan so obviously we had a pretty long conversation
that was only interrupted when it was time for Calabrese to start. I
didn’t tell them what was going to be happening.
And
then the lights went down and a timid, unsure voice with a pronounced
Southern accent said,
“Ladies
and gentlemen, Dragon Con presents Sell-a-breeze.”
Wow.
Maybe I should have just gone first. That was officially the worst
introduction I have ever heard. I will gladly offer my services to
introduce all of the bands next year.
Seriously,
though – is there some way I can put my name out there to do this
sort of thing? I have seen so many events where there is no thought
given to providing an exciting introduction for bands or speakers or
whatever. Wouldn’t these folks prefer to come out to a lot of
energy rather than a subdued crowd that’s wondering what’s going
on?
But
then the sleazy dance music from Grindhouse
kicked in and it didn’t matter anyway because the Kings of Horror
Rock were on their way.
Calabrese
kicked out some badass jams. If you’ve seen them, you understand.
If you haven’t, I feel bad for you.
After
a few songs, they paused for a break and Jimmy stepped up to the mic.
I sensed my moment coming and handed my camera off to the awesome
young lady that had agreed to record for me. And this is what
happened:
As
you can see my voice was just fine. Not at my best, but still pretty
great. That was one of the coolest things I have ever had the
opportunity to do. I don’t know how many people were in the
ballroom at that time, but I do believe it’s the largest crowd I
have ever performed in front of. And while they didn’t go totally
apeshit for me (like a certain portion of the folks at the Earth
Station Who panel), I had them.
The
rest of Calabrese’s set was a total blur. I was so high from being
on stage – and chugging two celebratory beers right after – that
I have no idea what went on except that purely by coincidence they
went into my current favorite song of theirs, “Dead Don’t Rise”.
After
the show I met these two:
The
one in white kept poking my nose and going, “Boop.” I don’t
know if that was part of a character or what. The other one was at
Dragon Con for the first time and we talked about that a bit. I wish
I had had my recorder on me. I would have done a quick interview
because she had some pretty interesting things to say. I was once
again invited to hang around for fun and trouble – or some
variation of such – and decided it would be a good time to go and
check out other portions of the Marriott. Which led to running into
Hoolicanuck Phil:
And
this:
So
then it was just time to go and talk to Calabrese.
I
don’t remember specifically what we talked about, but I know 80s
toys were a big part of it. I could definitely record another podcast
with those guys at some point. Eventually they had to pack up for the
night, but we got one last shot of rock n’ roll awesomeness:
After
that I ran into Dr. Dynamico and Money Ham.
I think Money Ham gets
the award for Most Random Encounters this year. We hung out until the
beer was gone and then I took pictures of Money Ham struggling to get
into his room:
And
went to bed.
I
woke up Monday feeling pretty good, but also not wanting to bother
with the Dealer Room all the way over at the Americas Mart. Me and
the missus have gone back and forth about whether or not the move was
good. I felt like it was; she didn’t. I think the fact that I left
on Monday without going one last time proves her point. If it had
still been in the Marriott I would have gone. I had thought about the
fact that the place was so big and further away and decided I would
probably be able to get some crazy deals on Monday. But I wasn’t
walking to that place and then back to the Hilton.
So
I packed the car and went home.
The
end.
I
don’t feel any particular need to summarize. It should be pretty
clear that I had an awesome year at Dragon Con. Once again I left
completely satisfied and with no trace of the post-Con blues. I had
made the most of Con and felt great about it.
Come
back Monday for the Masters of the Universe panel and then on
Wednesday I’ll put up the GI Joe panel. Tuesday and Thursday will
be toy reviews that I haven’t decided on yet. Friday will be the
newest installment of Best Cartoon Ever (of the month). After that
we’ll be less than two weeks away from
31
Days of Halloween
Which
includes my daily commentary on SyFy’s schedule, spooky toy
reviews, new Guest Posts, and of course a brand new Halloween episode
of the Needless Things Podcast!
Oh, and I haven't mentioned this yet because I am terrible at marketing myself, but I have opened a Storenvy store where you can buy my Luchador versus Owlbear t-shirt, a Podcast sticker, and Belligerent Monkey's awesome Phantom Troublemaker print:
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-Phantom
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