Hey! You there!
You look like the kind of person who could really appreciate turning
anything and everything into a cyborg and who may (or may not) be
bent on world domination utilizing said cyborgs.
“Why, madam,
you're absolutely correct,” you say?
HOW COULD I HAVE
KNOWN?!?!?!
Left
- The Good Guys – Max Ray, Jake Rockwell and Ace McCloud Right –
The MEGA BABELY Crystal Kane (who I totally want to cosplay)
We are joined
predominantly by three heroes – Max Ray our dude of the ocean blue,
Ace McCloud our guy in the sky, and Jake Rockwell our man on land.
Out of the three of them, I have to say that Ace McCloud is by far my
favorite. I'm not one to usually develop some sort of unnatural
affection for a cartoon character, well, okay, at least a male
character, but this time I'll allow myself the opportunity to
lust. He's the ladies man of the group and shares an affinity for
pick-up lines and double entendré. Granted it's not to the extreme
that I myself revel in, but this is a kids show.
The main
Centurions are supported by Crystal Kane - a knock-out babe with an
Orangutan - who runs Sky Vault. The Centurions are governed by the
Science Council which sounds more awesome than it actually is. Yes,
they formed and fund the Centurions to protect the Earth, but beyond
that they're just like any other politicians. We have a great cast of
voice actors backing the show with Pat Fraley (of TMNT fame),
Neil Ross (Voltron, Transformers, and GI Joe)
and Ed Gilbert (Bravestarr and Transformers) among
others.
From a toy
marketing standpoint the smart thing about this show are the
Exo-Frames and how conveniently they accommodate the “sold
separately” components. One wonders while watching the show
initially “what could those holes be for?” and then it hits you,
“OH! THE ACCESSORIES! DUH!!!!” Every time they are outfitted on
the show it’s basically an instructional segment so you know where
stuff goes once you get all the goods.
By
the way, this is exactly how I would look upon getting any of these
toys! HOOORAYYY!!!!
Two additional
Centurions are added towards the end of the series. Rex Charger - an
energy specialist - and John Thunder, an Apache “infiltration”
specialist who just happens to be a “direct descendant of
Geronimo”. Much like many other cartoons of the 80s, the Centurions
felt it necessary to create some racial diversity by adding a Native
American to the crew. They each get two vehicles. Charger gets
Electro-Charger and Gatling Guard and Thunder gets Silent Arrow and
Thunder Knife, which is less of a vehicle and more of just a damn
knife. For me they're trivial characters even though they do take up
a few specific episodes; it's not like the show really benefited from
them being there.
Left
– John Thunder Right – Rex Charger
In all honesty,
my affinity for a cartoon has a rather significant correlation to it
having something awesome to yell while watching it. Like how Captain
Planet has the whole “earth, fire, wind, water, heart” deal or
He-Man has “by the power of Grayskull...I HAVE THE POWER!” It's
one of those things that is pretty gratifying as a kid (and also
enjoyable to holler when drinking). It's like you're helping the
hero(es). Considering the social skills of most cartoon aficionados,
let's face it, it's nice to feel included. Well, the power cheer (for
lack of a better description) for Centurions is “Power Extreme!”
and that's fun to yell for any reason, just try it. Maybe not in the
bedroom. Well, hey - it's worth a shot even there I suppose, so long
as all parties involved have a sense of humor and a mutual point of
reference so it's not just you being a weirdo.
Like many other
80s cartoons, there is a post-episode PSA. Since it's 2013, the ones
where they talk about technology are especially hysterical. There is
one in particular where we are shown one of those whole-room
computers from the 70s and it is mentioned that “now a computer can
fit on a desktop. Ah, the 80s.
Doc
Terror – I'd be grinning too if I were this maniacal of a genius
The Centurions have a most formidable foe – Doc Terror and his main minion Hacker. These two fellas are self-made cyborgs. Their design is really awesome – very intimidating if you're a civilian and not outfitted in an Exo-Frame. Interestingly, the cyborg halves of them have their own artificial intelligence and act as a memory bank for their human halves. This is one of Doc Terror's designs and only backfires on him twice, haha. The first instance is in “Hacker Must Be Destroyed”, wherein the Centurions finally capture Hacker and his memory is played back in the courtroom. Secondly, in “The Better Half” parts 1 and 2, the cyborg halves break free from the human halves and team up into an uberborg.
Now, like most
super villains, Doc Terror wants but one thing – world domination.
But his methods are what really knock him up there on my list of
all-time villains because – and get this – he turns
E-V-E-R-Y-T-H-I-N-G into a cyborg! Basically, here's his thought
process:
“Hey,
look! Dinosaurs! Now they're Dinoborgs! Oh, and these bats? Now
they're cyborg bats! Wow, those sharks are pretty cool. Shazam! Now
they're even cooler because they're cyborg sharks! This towel here?
Well, my friends, now it's a towelborg!”
Okay, so I have
a flair for exaggeration which contributed to the last one there, but
the others actually happened. Yes, I'm serious and I know, that's
kickass. It's pretty admirable that he has the technical capability
to cyborgify everything in his path and that instead of using it to,
I don't know; do something good, he wants to take over the world and
rule forever. I can't say that's not a damn good plan if one has
access to the same machinery.
Doc Terror has
designed some wicked machinery beyond the “cyborg-ifyer”. He has
comparable robots to combat each Centurion. Strafers are mini fighter
jets, Groundborgs and Traumatizers (which kind of remind me of the ED
units from Robocop) are for land attacks.
Speaking of
villains, the show has a pretty expansive evil-doer line up. We get a
Creature from the Black Lagoon look-alike with Doc Terror's creation
Mako, Dracula, mutant piranha men, mutant plant creatures, mutant
space viruses, a chick that controls whales with an organ, a guy that
controls the weather - the list goes on and like any great cartoon,
keeps you coming back for more. Some of my favorites of the bad guys
Doc Terror employs are the Road Devils. Of course that's probably
because their leader is voiced by Frank Welker and the entire gang
looks like the audience of a Village People concert decided to
stand-in as extras in Road Warrior.
Frank
Welker's appearance ALWAYS makes the show a winner!!!
Along with the
sub-villains we welcome Merlin in a King Arthur centered episode (in
“Merlin”) wherein Merlin is entombed beneath Stonehenge, the lost
city of Atlantis is discovered, we have ancient Egyptian and Mayan
ruins and corresponding curses/alien visitation references. There's a
lot of very peculiar content in this show and that is mostly because
there were several awesome science-fiction writers who contributed to
the show – Michael Reaves and Larry DiTillio among others – I
mean, it COULDN'T be boring.
From what I
understand, this gem of a show had/has a relatively large fan-base,
but for those of you who haven't seen it, I highly recommend spending
the 30 hours or so that it will take you to watch all 65 episodes.
Then do it a few more times because it is worth it! Trust me, I know
a good cartoon when I see one - if I didn't, the Masked One wouldn't
let me waste your time every month!
-Kalan
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