The Spirit of Hordak

This is another one of those things that started out as an intro and mutated into something big enough to be its own post. So here’s this big rant about how MattyCollector.com does business. Part four or five of Lord knows how many rants about Matty:

Before I get to Fang Man, let me address this Spirit of Hordak business.

Excuse me – I meant “bullshit”, not “business”.

I got a message from Beau the other day:

Did you see that Hordak?

Geez – already gone.

I got one though.

I thought it was some kind of weird joke. It turned out that Matty had just offered a figure called “Spirit of Hordak” and that they had sold out pretty much instantly.

Obviously I thought this was a bunch of nonsense. There was no way Matty would offer up some new figure – not even a variant – without ever mentioning it or alerting their loyal subscribers. I mean, we subscribers are the ones that keep the lines going. We pledge year after year to buy whatever Matty offers, sight unseen, just so we can keep getting new figures; even if those new figures are complete garbage that we don’t want. So there’s no way in hell that Matty is going to create an awesome variant of one of my favorite characters and not even give a tiny bit of notice to the people that they have publicly and often credited as the sole reason their sorry asses are still in business.

That would be fucking absurd.

So imagine my surprise and shock and dismay when I started poking around the ol’ internet and saw multiple posts across the toy news web about a translucent red Hordak figure that had just been offered without warning an hour before.

As many of you may know, translucence is one of my favorite gimmicks for action figures, only topped by “Glow in the Dark”. Trap-Jaw is my favorite Masters of the Universe character, but Hordak is a close second. And a translucent red Hordak is a thing of awesomeness that I never would have imagined. I was furious. And yeah – it’s “just an action figure”. But it’s also a direct slap in the face to those of us who made that pledge to keep the MOTUC line going. And for the amount of money I’m giving those jackasses I think it is reasonable for me to get a little infuriated when they pull something like this.

Obviously I was not the person that was mad. Once Matty got wind of the negative reactions – and if they were surprised by the backlash they deserve a good cockpunch just for being stupid – good ol’ Scott Nietlich had to do his thing and say that this Hordak would be popping up on the site from time to time and that a limited number would be available to subscribers during an Early Access.

Fuck that shit for two reasons:

1. I do not have time to just fuck around the internet waiting for this figure to pop up. I don’t have access at work and the only time I really get online at all is to post these things.
2. Fuck your “Limited Numbers”, Nietlich. If you had the sense God gave a fucking squirrel you would give each subscriber the opportunity to order one of these figures. Just one. Not four, not ten. One. But to not give your most loyal customers the first shot – and a fair one – at a figure like that is just outrageous.

I knew damn well that their “Limited Numbers” would preclude me getting this figure. But at least it was a chance.

HAHAHA! Not really. I was at work when the Early Access items went up for sale. This is a problem, but isn’t actually Matty’s fault. And I was able to excuse myself to the privacy of a Men’s Room stall at the correct time so I could try to bring MattyCollector.com up on my phone with a 1X signal and only about ten minutes to get things done. But I managed to log in on time and make my way to the Early Access page, which I have never used before. Sure enough, Spirit of Hordak was there along with Slush Head and whatever the other figure was. But they all said “Coming Soon”. I refreshed a couple of times and nothing changed. Shit. I couldn’t be away from my desk any longer, so I closed the browser and went back to work. I figured I would try again at the next hour if I could leave the room.

At about twenty after the hour I got a message from Evil saying that everything was up and that Hordak was sold out.

Dude, I was so fucking pissed I can’t even describe it. I do not understand how a business could do things the way Matty does. It would be one thing if all of their sales were day-of and first-come, first-serve. If the subscriptions didn’t exist. Or if this were some low-budget, indy company producing original characters. But this is one of the biggest toy manufacturers on the planet selling licensed, well-known characters. To chumps.

In reality I don’t suppose this Spirit of Hordak is much different from the Con-Exclusive figures – Temple of Darkness Sorceress and Strobo (who I also missed out on when he was offered for Early Access, but that was my fault because I had severely underestimated what “Limited Quantities” meant). You can’t get those figures unless you happen to be in the right place at the right time. And Spirit of Hordak is the same. But this one seems like so much more of a kick in the ass.

I guess the thing that really pisses me off about this whole situation is how many of Matty’s shitty MOTUC figures I’ve bought and haven’t wanted while there are two – Strobo and Hordak – that I want and can’t get; despite the fact that I have shown Matty for the past three years that I am in the elite cadre of loyal customers.

So I got stuck with the fucking Star Sisters and Netossa and Bow and Swift Wind, but I’ll never have this figure that I actually want. Fuck you in your fucking douchey asses, Matty.

Oh, and Beau was kind enough to offer to do a Guest Review of the Spirit of Hordak when he receives his. So that’s cool.

-Phantom