It’s
gonna take me a minute to get to the actual recapping.
Actually,
even the actual recapping might not be all that recappy. It’s funny
– we were talking about the show on the way home and when we got to
this one part Lil’ Troublemaker said not to tell Mommy about it. I
asked him why and he said that the ring announcer had asked the
people not to talk about it. I hadn’t even caught that. But it’s
good that the boy is respecting kayfabe at this early age. I don’t
know how much of anything we’re really supposed to talk about and
we had so much fun at the CHIKARA show that I’d hate to give
anything away that they wanted kept secret. So no match results here.
Before
I get to Saturday’s CHIKARA show I want to briefly discuss Friday’s
Monstrosity Championship Wrestling show.
As
many of you might know I am the ring announcer for MCW. I’m really
more of an emcee or a host due to the nature of the show. I take my
job fairly seriously and I try to do my best. If nothing else, the
athletes deserve my best. And I have to say, I think my best is
pretty darn good. Not great, but I feel like I’m getting better
every show.
You
may or may not have noticed that I haven’t been recapping MCW
shows. It’s because I feel too weird about reviewing (or whatever
it is that I do) shows that I am part of. I just can’t be
objective, and if I can’t be at least mostly objective I don’t
have any business doing it. Friday night’s card was strong, Andrew
and the Disapyramids were the band, and Doc from TNA was there to
check us out and sign stuff.
- Item 1 – I have seen Andrew and the Disapyramids before and didn’t like them. When I first heard they were playing an MCW show I did not think they were a good choice. I was dead wrong. They were full of energy and easily the most crowd-pleasing band we’ve had so far. Those guys blew me away.
- Item 2 – Doc knew who I was. I felt like it was important for me to say hello and to thank him for coming to our show. When I introduced myself and explained that I was the announcer he said that he knew and had seen me online and that I was good. Someday I might get used to people recognizing me, but I doubt it. I also got to do a little business with Doc on the mic. That was cool. Doc did a little business of his own later on, but I think I’m not going to talk about that.
- Item 3 – DeWitt Dawson is one of MCW’s commentators. He is very funny and extremely talented on the mic. He is also a heel and manages Fred Yehi, so he had to leave the announce position and accompany Yehi to the ring for his match with Supernatural. This left Johnny Danger Van Helsing alone on commentary. Professor Morté asked me if I wanted to go up and fill in on commentary and I said heck no.
I’ve
been watching professional wrestling since I was a little kid and the
commentators are my heroes. The way that the good announcers lead the
audience while calling the action is art. A good announcer can make a
solid show incredible and a bad announcer can turn a great show into
garbage. I think Jim Ross is one of the greatest talents ever to come
out of professional wrestling. As great as I think I am at talking, I
have never been sure that I have it in me to do wrestling commentary.
Quite frankly, the thought of trying it has always terrified me.
And
I stood there and looked up at that stage and walked up to stand
beside Johnny Danger and call that match.
I’m
happy with how I did. People in attendance told me I was good. I wish
I still knew move names like I did back when I played SmackDown
every week, but I managed. I did something that I was scared to do
and had never done before. And I got to call a Fred Yehi and
Supernatural match.
Okay,
so CHIKARA was the next day. It was just me and Lil’ Troublemaker.
I had bought one front row ticket because I knew Mrs. Troublemaker
wouldn’t want to go and I wasn’t sure if our son would (kids got
in free, so it could be a last-minute thing). Thankfully he did and
we had one of the best nights ever.
It
was pouring rain when we arrived in Porterdale. I wasn’t sure if
Lil’ Troublemaker would wear his mask when we got there, or for how
long, or if he would at all. After we parked I asked him if he even
wanted us to wear masks and he did, so we suited up and went to stand
in line. The doors didn’t open for another fifteen minutes and I
felt bad having my son stand out in the rain, so I ignored my usual
reservations and walked past the line so we could stand under the
awning. I wasn’t actually going to cut in line – I planned to let
all of those folks go by and we’d wait until the end. Everybody was
cool about it. The Porterdaliens are some of the nicest people I have
ever met. I really like that town.
Under
the awning we ran into a guy I had spoken to before that looks pretty
much just like Angry Matt. He’s a nice fella and we chatted for a
bit. Alicia and her husband were out there too, but it was so crowded
we couldn’t really get over to them. Once the doors opened up I
sort of hung back, but the guy that had been behind us – who had
some amazing signs, by the way – told us to go ahead. I’m not one
to refuse an advantage.
When
we got inside I explained to the guy taking tickets that I had a
front row ticket but had my son with me. He told me not to worry
about it – he could squeeze in or sit on my lap or stand by me and
it would be fine. We were in seat #15. Soon after I sat down, MCW
commentator DeWitt Dawson came over and said that he had had to
purchase his ticket and his daughter’s ticket separately and that
one was #16 and one was #39. That is some crazy luck, right there. He
asked if I’d mind swapping and of course I said no problem. I took
#39 and went across the room. And guess who had #40? Pseudo Matt! Out
of a fairly large room full of people I did not know, I just happened
to swap tickets with one I did and then end up next to another one.
Who
had ticket #38 is a whole other story. I’ll get there.
Before
I forget, if you go to a CHIKARA show, bring cash. The guys all sell
their own merch and nobody can take plastic. This worked out well for
me, as I would have spent a fortune. As it was I had to borrow two
bucks from DeWitt just to buy waters for me and my son because I had
already spent the five bucks I had on raffle tickets.
CHIKARA’s
official host, Gavin Loudpseaker, came out to open the show. This guy
blew me away. He wasn’t just a ring announcer – not that that’s
a bad job – he was an all-around emcee, host, and entertainer.
Which is exactly what I strive to be in MCW. Loudspeaker is really
damn good and is a new hero to me. I thought about picking up CHIKARA
DVDs just to see the guy work, but I’m too early into doing ring
announcing. I don’t want to start unconsciously aping his style.
This is something I am aware of inadvertently doing on my podcasts.
If I listen to Marc Maron’s WTF the day of a recording I can always
hear Maron in my speech later on when I listen to the show. But
anyway, Gavin Loudspeaker is awesome.
The
opening match was a Platinum Championship Wrestling (the local
company that holds its shows in the venue) tag match. It was a
qualifier for their Tag Team Season.
The
Jagged Edge & “The Revelation” Shane Marx w/ Rachael Freeman
Vs.
The
Washington Bullets
Jagged
Edge and Marx are two of the most-hated heels in PCW. The Bullets –
brothers Jon and Trey Williams – are some of the hottest and most
over faces. This was a great match for the opener because Lil’
Troublemaker remembered all of these people from the St. Patrick’s
Day show we attended. He booed the mess out of the bad guys and
jumped up and cheered when the Bullets came out. It was awesome. I
love that he got so into it.
The
PCW guys had an intense, exciting match that got everybody in
attendance fired up. Regardless of Lil’ Troublemaker’s reaction,
this was a great choice for an opener.
Speaking of great choices, the
Bullets went over and advanced in the Tag Team Season.
YOUR
WINNER – The Washington Bullets (I’ll give that result because it
wasn’t a CHIKARA match)
After
the match, Gavin Loudspeaker came out and sang a fairly unflattering
song about Tim Donst.
I
have to say here that I went into this show only tangentially
familiar with CHIKARA. I know the name because it is Angry Matt’s
favorite promotion. I know Los Ice Creams (who were not there that
night) because of this:
And
I know of the Ants. Other than that all I really knew going in was
that CHIKARA uses a fair amount of comedy and a large amount of very
good wrestling talent. While Georgia boasts some very good
independent wrestling – PCW, PWR, UIW, Anarchy, and more that I
haven’t seen enough of to mention – the top tier indies that are
just a tad below TNA recognition-wise don’t come here much. I think
we’ve had one ROH show. So this was an exciting opportunity to see
product that was completely fresh and new.
But
this also meant that I had no idea who Tim Donst was and that Gavin
Loudspeaker’s song – while funny – didn’t do much other than
set this Donst guy up as a heel and as some sort of authority figure
or something. Which is really all it needed to do.
After
Loudspeaker finished his song he did a little hype, pushed
RaffleMania (which could win you a CHIKARA mask of your choice), and
then made what I would say was the most pleasing announcement of the
night - he said that CHIKARA is a family show and advised the
audience not to use profanity or act inappropriately. This made me
very happy, as I love taking my son to wrestling shows, but you never
know how the fans or the wrestlers and promoters are going to be.
The
Kentucky Gentleman, Chuck Taylor
Vs.
Shenron
I
hated Chuck Taylor the second he walked out. The guy was in baseball
pants (you all know how I feel about baseball) and just looked
skeevy. Like Scott Baio’s sketchy little brother. He was pretty
clearly the heel.
His
opponent was a masked fella called Shenron. There was more to his
name – “The Sould Dragon” or something – but I can’t
remember exactly. The important thing was that Lil’ Troublemaker
went nuts for him. Also, he had a thing from Dragon Ball Z on his
trunks. I dislike baseball slightly more than I dislike Dragon Ball
Z, so I was okay rooting for this guy.
The
match itself was a great opener for the CHIKARA portion of the event.
We had a clear heel and a clear babyface and both men were very
talented. Taylor knew how to work the crowd and Shenron knew how to
do lots of flippy stuff. After it concluded the crowd was definitely
fired up and ready for more.
The
next match was a tag match and I think was the first one advertised
for the show. It was the one Lil’ Troublemaker was the most excited
about because everybody had masks that clearly identified their
gimmicks.
Vs.
The
Shard & Jigsaw
While the crowd reaction during the entrances suggested who were the tecnicos (babyfaces) and who were the rudos (heels), the actions of the teams during the introductions would have been enough to give it away. Over the course of the night I found that every CHIKARA wrestler was very skilled at acting under masks to communicate intent and disposition. That was just as impressive as the actual wrestling. It was also important because unlike PCW or MCW, CHIKARA does not have announcers that are audible at the live shows. The wrestlers have to do all of the storytelling with the occasional assist from Loudspeaker.
Vs.
Sugar
Dunkerton w/ Icarus
Gran Akuma looked really familiar. I don’t know if he wrestles for other promotions under another name or anything, but I feel like I’ve seen him before. From the fan reactions and his disposition he seemd like the clear tecnico of this match.
While
I felt like I recognized Akuma, I definitely know his opponent –
Sugar Dunkerton. The first time I saw Sugar was back at one of the
first PCW shows at The Masquerade. He came off as a guy who was
mostly a basketball gimmick and just barely a wrestler. I think he
might have even had a different name. But times have certainly
changed. Not only does Sugar know how to work a crowd, he was totally
solid in the ring. It seemed like he was supposed to be the rudo –
and his valet definitely looked like a scumbag – but Sugar is a
local guy and received a warm welcome.
This was a fun one to watch, but I think it lost Lil’ Troublemaker a bit because nobody had a mask. At one point he asked me if he could have some water. I realized I had spent my cash on raffle tickets and hadn’t thought about the fact that the concession stand in the venue only accepts cash. Crap. I asked him if he thought he could wait and he said okay, but a few minutes later asked if we could leave. Okay. We needed water. Thankfully DeWitt was across the way and I felt like I knew him well enough to borrow a couple of bucks. I didn’t feel comfortable asking Pseudo-Matt.
I
hunched over and me and Lil’ Troublemaker ran around the ring where
DeWitt gave me some bills. We got a couple of waters and headed back
to our seats, where we decided that we were good now and didn’t
need to leave. Also, we had a dollar left over. I gave it to my son
and told him to run it back over. I don’t know why, but this was
kind of a test. I was just curious to see if he’d go over there by
himself with all of the action going on in the ring. He’s five and
hasn’t been around a whole lot of live crazy stuff like that. It
wouldn’t be a big deal if he didn’t want to; I’d just go. But
he took it and ran over and told DeWitt thanks and came back like it
was no big deal. I was kind of proud. But not as proud as I’d be in
a few minutes.
Vs.
Amasis
We were both excited to see the Batiri. They’re one of the factions in CHIKARA and they are vaguely bat-themed. Lil’ Troublemaker is a HUGE Batman fan, so this seemed like his group. We did not know they were rudos.
Kobald
came out first and did a creepy little walk around the ring, stopping
in front of us. The whole crowd had been booing him while me and Lil’
Troublemaker had been settling back down and ascertaining that all
was good and we could stay for the rest of the show. Right as things
sort of leveled back out, Kobald turned around and sort of screamed
right in Lil’ Troublemaker’s face.
Obviously
I am not mad about this. So far all of the wrestlers had been
interacting with the kids – hi-fives and whatnot – and really
making them a part of the show. So Kobald was just doing his thing as
a bad guy. But my (again – five-year-old) son is not accustomed to
having monsters scream in his face. So he did what I would have done
at his age (and probably for a few years beyond) and did his very
best not to cry but started crying. If he had asked to leave right
then, the show would have been over for us. We would have walked
right out the door because I am not one of those guys that believes
in making his kids sit through stuff that they don’t want to do. My
dad was that guy and it definitely shaped our relationship in a
negative way. I would have cried and asked to leave and he would have
said no and I would have just kept crying.
But
Lil’ Troublemaker didn’t ask to leave. I told him it was okay and
that Kobald was a bad guy and a jerk and that somebody would be
coming out in a minute to beat him up. Again, if he had asked to
leave then, we would be gone. But he didn’t. He stopped crying and
got over his shock and when Amasis came out and started whooping
Kobald’s tail my son got way
into the match. He totally forgot about the shock and was standing up
and yelling at Kobald and cheering for “purple and gold” (we
didn’t catch Amasis’ name).
So
thanks CHIKARA and in a super-weird way thanks Kobald.
Vs.
Green
Ant & The Spectral Envoy
Okay. In CHIKARA – unlike in the Troublemaker household – Ants are good guys. Except for the ones that aren’t. The Colony: Xtreme Force are bad guy ants with action figure themes – Missile Assault Ant, Arctic Rescue Ant, and Orbit Adventure Ant. deviANT is apparently just a jerk.
So
this match was action figures versus green and Halloween. As much as
we were into the previous match, we were way into this one too.
There
was an intermission sometime during the event, but I can’t remember
when. Many of the wrestlers came out to sell shirts and stuff. I
wanted to get pictures with several of them, but I would have felt
bad doing that and not having any cash to buy anything. So we just
hung out and watched.
Vs.
Saturyne
This is the part where we found out who Tim Donst is. Tim Donst is a jerkface. He had a guy with a turtle backpack, a guy named Jakob who had half a shirt, and a dominatrix-looking chick with him. The turtle guy had actually come outside before the show and complimented our masks, so he seemed nice enough. I’m not sure about the alignments of the rest of the crew. And I also can’t tell you about what went down here. This is the part that Lil’ Troublemaker said not to talk about.
I
can’t remember if the raffle happened next or after the next match,
but I’ll go ahead and mention it now.
The
announcer said it was time for RaffleMania and to determine who won
the mask. He had a mask full of tickets, but said that he was going
to need some help. Much to my surprise, because nothing like this
ever happens to me, he came over to Lil’ Troublemaker and asked if
he wanted to help! It’s always hit-or-miss as to whether my son is
going to speak to somebody he doesn’t know, but he must have nodded
or said yes (he was sitting on my lap so I couldn’t totally tell).
The announcer asked his name and he said it, then the announcer asked
if Lil’ Troublemaker could pull a ticket out of the mask. He
addressed the fact that I had six tickets and said there would
probably be an investigation if I happened to win. But I didn’t,
and when it was done the guy turned around and asked the crowd to
give it up for Lil’ Troublemaker, which they did.
That
was pretty awesome.
Vs.
Eddie
Kingston
For
the Title of Grand Champion of CHIKARA
(I have no pictures from this match - we had other stuff going on)
This
match was basically a straight-up, old-school wrestling match. It
could have taken place in a National Guard Armory in 1985. Both
grapplers knew how to work the crowd and exactly what they were doing
the whole match. Kingston played the part of the grizzled veteran and
Angelosetti – the CHIKARA Young Lion Champion – was a cocky,
talented kid. And he was talented. Between his looks and skills I’ll
be surprised if we don’t see him on TV somewhere in the next few
years.
Unfortunately,
I missed most of the match because Lil’ Troublemaker wanted to
leave again. Fortunately, I had remembered that sometimes when we’re
out somewhere and he needs something he’ll ask to leave rather than
saying what he needs (which is something I do also). So I asked him
if he needed to go to the bathroom and he said he did. There was a
bit of a wait to use the restroom and Red Ant was standing in the
hallway watching the match. While I really wanted to tell him how
much I had enjoyed his match, his presence there suggested to me that
this match was a big deal and I probably shouldn’t disturb him.
By
the time we got back to our seats the match was over, so I’m hoping
CHIKARA will release the event in some form so I can see it.
Vs.
3.0
For
the Campeon de Parejas
I don't have any pics from this one either because Kobald
came out at one point and I was more worried about my son's state of mind than taking pictures. But I got to be proud of Lil’ Troublemaker
all over again because he didn’t sweat him. The evil Bat-guy even
ended up right in front of us several times and everything was fine.
I think Lil’ Troublemaker even yelled at him a few times.
All
in all CHIKARA gave us a fantastic experience and the best I have
shared with my son so far. We both had an awesome time and will
remember it forever. I think it’s one of those things that Lil’
Troublemaker will look back on twenty years from now and really
cherish.
If you'd like to see a ton more pictures, go check out my gallery on Facebook.
If you'd like to see a ton more pictures, go check out my gallery on Facebook.
Afterword
Okay, so the guy that had ticket #38.
He
had been talking to some people about WWE outside while we were
standing under the awning. I think he was saying something about a
Shield match. I didn’t get involved because I barely pay attention
to WWE anymore, but the conversation caught my ear because the guy
was well-spoken and making good points. Not to sound like a jerk, but
that’s not always what you hear while standing outside of
professional wrestling events.
Once
we got inside, that same guy ended up sitting next to us, on the
other side from Pseudo-Matt. We spoke briefly and he asked me about
my mask and I gave him my spiel about what I do. He showed me a shirt
with The Colony: Xtreme Force on it and I flipped out because action
figures are my thing. I told him I run a website about toys and
stuff. He said he did something similar. I told him I’d give him a
card when I had a chance to get up (I have actually started
remembering to carry business cards with me).
As
the show went on we all had fun and for whatever reason Lil’
Troublemaker turned around to tell this guy stuff a couple of times.
The guy was very friendly and cool and at one point I remembered to
give him a card. He said he’d be at Heroes Con and I told him we’d
see him there. Good times.
So
the day after the show I was talking to Evil about Iron Man 3
and he
told me that apparently Chris Sims was at the CHIKARA show.
If
you don’t know, Chris Sims was a writer for ComicsAlliance.com,
which is no longer operating because AOL are jerkfaces.
After Matt over at Dinosaur Dracula, Sims is probably my favorite
writer online, even if I don’t agree with his unabashed love of
Nolan’s “Batman” movies (yes - those are intentionally quotes
rather than italics). Sims is pretty hilarious and has a point of
view similar to mine on many things and a way with words similar to
Dave Barry. He is one of the rare internet writers that irritates me
by making me jealous of the things he writes.
So
as soon as Evil mentioned Sims, everything clicked in my head and I
was all like, “Holy crap, I was sitting next to him. I think.” So
I looked up his Twitter account (which I had to follow because I just
don’t like Twitter that much) and tagged him in a tweet to ask if
that was him. He responded that it was and he remembered us and asked
if we were still going to see him at Heroes Con. So sometime in June
– probably the evening of the 6th
or 7th
– know that I will be hunting Chris Sims down in Charlotte, buying
him a beer, and explaining to him why he is so, so wrong about
Nolan’s “Batman” movies.
See
you in June, Sims.
-Phantom
My son loves Kobald. We were there cheering for the Batiri. If Kobald had screamed in his face he'd have screamed back.
ReplyDeleteGood for him!
Delete