Holy cow, JAKKS Pacific is cranking
these little guys out! I can’t believe we’re already have four
series and a Christmas set. Considering the line debuted at Toy Fair
in February of last year and showed up at retail around May (I think)
that’s impressive. When I first saw them I thought for sure they’d
last maybe a couple of series and then be replaced by something else.
Anyway, Target put these on clearance
as soon as they came in and I bought ‘em. Not that it really
mattered because I would have gotten them anyway. These guys are
awesome.
First Glance: One thing I
love about the SLUG Zombies is that each new series is a surprise.
Beau and I were talking about it on the Needless Things Podcast
the other day and one of the things missing from modern toy
collecting is surprises. Thanks to the internet (damn you, internet!)
we now know not only what toys are coming out, we also have a pretty
good idea of when they are coming out. But for some reason the
SLUGs are sort of under the radar. I don’t see anybody reporting on
them and while the official website is fun, it isn’t exactly
chock full of information.
Anyway, this fourth series is just as
fun as the others. Plus, there is what basically amounts to an Ash
figure.
Sculpt: Obviously this is
a different format from my regular toy reviews, as there’s no paint
or articulation to discuss. But I am going to run down each figure
briefly. I’m only missing one guy from this series because the
3-pack I bought actually had three figures that were not in the
coffin. I would have bought the one with Play-It-Safe Sammy – a
Zombie Fighter in a biohazard suit – if they had had it.
English Dead Guard
Me and Lil’ Troublemaker
both love this guy because of the giant cannonball hole in his torso.
He looks to me like the British guy from Pirates of the Caribbean,
but I guess pretty much any British soldier could look like that. His
name is the absolute worst fucking name so far in the series, and
that’s really saying something. There is no effort whatsoever
involved in the name “English Dead Guard”.
Moldy Moxie
The idea of a zombie on
roller skates is pretty hilarious. As lousy as the names are on these
figures, the designs are pretty awesome. Actually, Moxie’s name
isn’t so bad. Now that I think about it, if we could just get all
of the zombies on roller skates we might be okay. I doubt very much
they’d stay upright for long. I shouldn’t have put that on the
internet. Now Robert Kirkman’s probably going to steal it for The
Walking Dead (damn you, internet!).
Jamaica Me Sick
This is apparently a
fusion of Jimmy Cliff and Bob Marley, so depending on your views on
Haile Selassie I and the amount of marijuana you have on hand it may
or may not be offensive. His previous job is “Guitarist for Jimmy
and the Moaners”. His likes are “Voodoo & incense”, which
seems off because as far as I know voodoo would be at odds with the
Rastafari movement. This is another solid sculpt and a good celebrity
parody figure, which is one of the trademarks of the line.
Buckskin Bill
I’m not sure why this
Davey Crockett/Daniel Boone stand-in has a live raccoon on his head,
but I’m also not sure why he is in modern times fighting zombies.
I’m not complaining. JAKKS can go ahead and ignore eras as much as
they want as long as we keep getting these goofy little pieces of
plastic. Things would get boring pretty quickly if it was just modern
times.
Dismembered Dennis
I love the SLUGs that are
in boxes and stuff. This one is a bonus for being a zombie in three
boxes.
“What’s grosser than
gross?”
“Three zombies in a
box.”
“What’s grosser than
that?”
“One zombie in three
boxes!”
HA!
Gangrene Gene
(3-pack)
It’s a fucking
Parrothead zombie. He likes “Parrots and gettin’ caught in the
rain”, presumably because the “author” of these things didn’t
want to say “Piná Coladas”. I don’t know if this is for
copyright reasons or because that’s an adult beverage, but since
you can buy jellybeans flavored like that I’d say the former. I do
like the sculpt because it reminds me of Coconut Joe from Club
Dread, which is an awesome movie.
2
Scoops-Too-Late-Steve
Terrible name. Great
concept.
Picture it: All the little neighborhood
kiddies see the ice cream truck sitting there at the end of the
cul-de-sac. They rush toward it hoping for tutti frutti, a drumstick,
or one of those red, white, and blue things. But when they arrive at
the small, white truck there’s nobody in the window. They move
closer, assuming the friendly neighborhood ice cream man – Steve –
is restocking the freezers or something. There’s a bad smell, but
maybe it’s coming from the nearby storm drain. Little Tommy Morris
puts both of his hands on the little stainless steel counter at the
bottom of the order window – the one with the napkin dispenser
bolted to the left side and the little tray of spoons on the right.
He pulls himself up until his chin is resting on the stainless steel,
which has been made hot by the afternoon sun. Little Tommy tilts his
head slightly to peer towards the back of the ice cream truck and
starts to call out for smilin’ Steve, bur before he can make a
sound a discolored hand lunges out of the shadows of the truck’s
interior and grabs little Tommy’s left ear. The rest of the
children – too shocked to move – watch as Steve moves into view.
Steve’s normally pristine white shirt
has a dark, shiny stain on it that start at his neck and spread
downward. His red bowtie is askew and slightly undone. The ice cream
man’s face is pallid and sickly-looking. There is a slimy sheen on
his skin that doesn’t look quite like sweat. Where his right eye
was, there is only a red-rimmed hole with a terrifying blackness
inside. Thick, viscous fluid is running freely from Steve’s open
mouth, which is getting wider by the second. He is making a wet,
gurgling noise that is getting louder and louder.
The children take in all of this in
mere seconds, as that’s how long it takes for Steve to draw little
Tommy Morris’ head up and sink his teeth into the boy’s skull,
releasing a spatter of blood that lands on that no-longer-white shirt
to mingle with the fluids already there.
Casey Bergen lets out a hoarse yell and
it electrifies the rest of the children. Some scream before they
bolt, most simply take off running as fast as they can. Chad Tatum
simply vomits and falls to his knees, wailing for his mother as Steve
the ice cream man works his way through Tommy Morris’ skull and
draws him into the ice cream truck.
Ferocious Frankie
(3-pack)
I do not have a story for
a zombie dog. Apparently JAKKS does, though, because that’s
Gangrene Gene’s hand. Nice touch and the first example of any of
these figures interacting with one another or having a shared
background.
The Brain Eatin’
Barbarian
He’s less Conan and more
just a generic barbarian with a few gross parts. I like his nicked-up
sword.
Gruesome Gabe
Gabe has a perfectly good
name, which is half relief and half disappointing. Honestly, part of
the fun of talking about the SLUG Zombies is seeing just how awful
the names can get. So this guy is a greaser. Notice that his combing
is actually pulling his scalp back from his skull. Gross. Gabe’s
favorite food is “Grilled head cheese sandwich and a maggot malt”.
This is the most repulsive thing this line has produced yet. Not the
maggot malt. I’d drink ten maggot malts before I would eat one
single bite of any kind of head cheese.
Head cheese is the most
disgusting thing I have ever had in my life. This guy I work with
brought some in and was offering samples. I used to have this policy
where I would try anything (food-wise) once. That head cheese ended
that policy. When I have to describe it, I tell people that it tasted
like what I imagine it would taste like if you dug a month-old corpse
up out of the ground and took a bite.
Johnson
(3-pack)
This is obviously Lara
Croft, but I can’t figure out for the life of me why she’s called
“Johnson”. Unless it’s a reference to penises, which I suppose
plenty of basement-dwellers have shown to the character in one way or
another.
Leo the Lifeless
Leo’s name isn’t bad,
just boring. He was a door-to-door salesman before he became a
zombie. He knocked on the wrong door and ended up undead. Another
pretty decent little story that was told in a single line.
Deranged Denise
The first child victim of
the SLUG Zombies line. Denise is mostly disturbing for that reason.
She’s decayed and nasty and clinging to her teddy bear, which is
all the more disconcerting.
Decomposing Dan
Not much story here,
though. He’s a zombie painter. He looks neat, but is nothing to get
too excited about. Hey, we need zombies to stand in the back, too.
Let’s move on.
Sawblade Sampson
I don’t want to mark out
for this guy just because he is blatantly supposed to be Ashley J.
Williams – Bruce Campbell’s character from the Evil Dead
movies and Army of Darkness. But that’s exactly what’s
going on. The fact that he has an electric kitchen knife instead of a
chainsaw is absolutely hilarious, but it would seem to contradict his
name. Whatever. This guy is great. Now we just need (name) and (name)
from The Black Earth.
Color: The zombies are a
sickly green hue and the humans are almost the same pink as the old
MUSCLE figures that this line is so reminiscent of. I’ve noticed on
some older figures that the green seems to be changing shades
slightly over time. I think this is probably a defect, but as long as
they don’t start deteriorating I’m okay with it. I like having
several different shades of tiny zombies hanging around the Phantom
Zone (I’m trying out names for my workspace/toy museum).
Packaging: There are two
types of SLUG Zombie packaging so far – coffins and blister cards.
The coffins each have twelve specific figures in them and the blister
cards have three random figures. I originally thought buying the
coffin got you all of the figures, but it doesn’t. There are
sixteen figures in each series, so you’re going to have to buy at
least a couple of blister packs if you want them all. The coffin of
twelve is normally $9.99 and the three packs are normally $3.99, so
it’s less than a dollar a figure for the big one and $1.33 apiece
for the smaller packs.
The coffin itself is cardboard with a
window in the front to show one of the figures so you know what
you’re getting. I have to give JAKKS credit for that one. Some
other toy companies might have had some nice, full-color depictions
on the front and just let you assume you were getting fully decoed
figures.
Once you get the coffin open, there is
a plastic tray inside with the various figures arranged on it. This kind of amuses me for some reason.
I like the way they just kind of stacked the guys up to make the
space work. They’re not just jumbled in there, but they aren’t
exactly organized and separated either.
Overall: This is such a
great toy line that JAKKS is giving us. It’s affordable, there’s
a lot of variety, and there is a great potential for future expansion
if they ever use my idea to start doing red vampires, brown
werewolves, and maybe do some glow-in-the-dark figures. I will keep
buying them as long as they keep making them.
4
out of 5
These are available at Target and Toys
R Us now. As of this writing, Target still had plenty of Series 3 &
4 on clearance. I highly recommend you pick some up just for fun.
-Phantom
Hey Phantom -- Great site! I think "Leo the Lifeless" is a nod to Larry Fine of Three Stooges fame, just as "Louie Fingers" (from Series 3) and "Teddy Terror" (from Series 2) parody Moe and Curly. Thanks for keeping everyone in the loop about this awesome line, and good luck on your new podcast!
ReplyDeleteThanks for the tip! I took a photo of the three figures together after you mentioned it. It's up over on the Facebook page:
Deletehttp://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=556071087756345&set=a.556071081089679.141115.497939220236199&type=1&theater¬if_t=photo_comment
I don't get the Johnson name either, but it,s fun to include a buxom vixen monster slyer in the lot.
ReplyDeleteEven more when she's teaming up with Ash from Evil Dead and Davy Crockett agains't zombie!
I really loved these figures. Too bad it seems that JAKKS has moved on and we won't be seeing any more.
DeleteDecomposing Dan is Norman Rockwell, but who would know historical figures, in comparison with B movie stars!
ReplyDeleteNot me, that's for sure! Although referring to Norman Rockwell as a "historical figure" might be stretching things a bit.
DeleteThe thing I can't understand about S.L.U.G. Zombies going out of business is this, they are selling out of Zombie purse sized tissues, and making actual Zombie themed ammunition that is REAL. How do you loose money on a cheap nostalgic 80's toy that barely costs anything to produce that is ZOMBIE themed? During the PEAK of pop culture's zombie binge? During the Walking Dead and Zombie table top game craze? HOW?!?!?! Obviously this line was horribly mismanaged and the distribution was a simple nightmare, JAKKS should have had an option to buy right from them direct and attempted to get their product out (the new waves) to stores in a timely manner, before fans of the series collecting it got frustrated and quit. The company itself was very rude when you called them, and the Midwest simply did't exist in their eyes. Pretty sad end to what could've easily been 10 waves as planned. Someone got greedy or lazy, bottom line.
ReplyDelete