Side Note: I wrote this last week when I thought I would be over this crappy illness by now.
I
usually try to maintain a 1,000 word minimum here on Needless Things.
It’s the standard I requested of my Guest Stars last week and I
adhere to it myself as best I can. Sometimes when I have a lot of
particularly good photos or I have drawn stuff I don’t worry about
it. Other times I feel like there’s something I just really need to
comment on and want to post even though I may not have my minimum to
say about it.
This
time what I have is so awesome I felt like it didn’t matter how
many words I got out of it because I knew everybody would be like,
“Holy shit – that’s awesome.”
Genius.
When I saw that picture I had one of those moments where you see an
idea so good and so simple you’re ashamed of yourself for not doing
it. I’ve got so many loose toys boxed up that it’s absolutely
shameful I’ve ever spent a dime on a Christmas ornament.
My
first thought was to do what that guy had and screw eyelets into all
of Lil’ Troublemaker’s Action League figures. I realized that
would probably not go over too well with Lil’ Troublemaker and that
it would be prohibitively expensive to replace all of those figures,
so I started thinking about the old toys I had and what might be
appropriate. That’s when I remembered the Ziploc bag full of
M.U.S.C.L.E. figures that had been languishing in my bottom drawer
for the past five (or more) years. Those would be perfect. Not only
are they a nice, soft plastic; they’re also iconic enough to be
significant hanging on a tree.
I
knew I could probably get small eyelet screws at Walmart, but I don’t go to Walmart anymore
so I went to Hobby Lobby.
We
haven’t always had the best luck with that place. Much like Joann
Fabrics, the employees tend to be rude almost to the point of
hostility. This time was different. Well, a little different. I found
an employee and asked her where to find the eyelets. She didn’t
actually speak to me and definitely gave me the stinkeye, but she did
take me directly to the correct aisle and even handed me a packet of
eyelets. I didn’t have time to thank her before she ran off, but I
am thankful.
I
am somewhat delirious as I write this. I’ve been sick all week, but
I didn’t totally realize I was sick until Tuesday morning. I
actually stayed home from work. I don’t like doing that, but I will
if I feel I am sick enough that it could affect my job. This is the
first time I’ve called in sick this year. I slept fourteen hours
Tuesday and probably almost twenty on Wednesday. I drank fruit juice,
ate cough drops, and did nothing. I didn’t even feel like reading
comics. I felt better on Thursday and today (Friday) felt good enough
to come into work, though I still feel kind of shitty and foggy.
Anyway,
I still feel crappy but it’s manageable. I have not, however,
managed to get much of anything done on the writing project that I
was supposed to be working on this week. Between being abnormally
busy at work and feeling pretty shitty I just haven’t been
productive. I also don’t know if I’m going to be able to manage a
special project that I was supposed to be doing the evening of the
tenth. And then there’s the annual Christmas party at the Monkeys’
place. I need to come up with two outstanding gifts. They have to be
funny, but also cool. I want whatever me and Mrs. Troublemaker bring
to be the ones that get traded until they can’t be traded anymore.
I don’t want the first person that gets them to end up with them.
We’ll see. My energy levels are super low and I’m also hungry
right now so everything seems bleaker than it should.
Cut
to five hours after that last paragraph and I have to say I’m
feeling a lot better. So let’s talk about M.U.S.C.L.E. (heretofore
referred to as “MUSCLE” because it’s a pain in the ass to type
the proper way).
I’ve
mentioned the MUSCLE toys before. They’re these wonderful little
Caucasian-colored Japanese figures. They’re modeled after a
combination of crazy Manga-inspired designs and for-real, actual
wrestlers. There’s one of Terry Funk. The acronym is “Millions
of Unusual
Creatures
Living
Everywhere”
and these guys are probably the height of minifigure popularity in
America. Yeah, the Battle Beasts came after but I don’t feel like
they were ever quite as big as MUSCLE. Everybody had a bunch of
MUSCLE figures. We used to stick them all over a room or an outside
wall or whatever. Just seeing how many we could jam into every
available architectural crevice. We barely even waged any kind of
wars with them because I was the only one who had the MUSCLE ring and
it broke the first time we played with it.
The
MUSCLE wrestling ring was a little plastic wrestling ring with
elastic ropes. There were two clips inside the ring that were
attached to handles on the outside. The handles made the clips move
so you could clip figures on and make them fight. The problem was
that the clips were hard plastic and non-adjustable. The MUSCLE
figures were made in many different sizes. So naturally I had to jam
one of the larger figures into the clip and fight with him. The first
time the other figure-holding clip bashed it, my clip snapped off. It
was a rare instance of me not being upset when a toy broke because I
knew darn well that the square guy with the tiles all over him was
too big for the clip.
Eventually
MUSCLE figures came in other colors – blue, green, purple, and red.
To me these new colors always felt like posers. True MUSCLES were
that not-quite-flesh-tone pink. I don’t know why. You’d think I
would have been all over the green and purple ones. But no – even
to this day I still feel like the pink MUSCLES are the real deal.
Which is why I only used those for my MUSCLE tree, despite not having
enough to cover the whole tree and having plenty of the multi-colored
figures left:
That’s
right. I covered a little tree with MUSCLES. And I love it. I was so
entranced with the idea that I sat on the floor at 2 AM and got
blisters on my fingers from screwing eyelets into those little pink
heads:
This
MUSCLE tree may well end up being one of our presents for the
Christmas party. I’m also considering finding a smaller tree and
using the multi-colored figures. After all, those aren’t legit.
-Phantom
Ha ha, sweet man! I had actually bought several packs of the Green Lantern Action League 3-packs and each and every frigging one came with a Hal-Jordan. So I gave one away, kept one for display, and used the clear green one for our Christmas tree! I really like how your tree turned out. MUSCLE figures are dope, I may just have to make a few of these myself!
ReplyDeleteAs for the eyelets, what I found worked really well is heating up a small nail with a lighter, then poking a hole in the top of the figures head. Then the eyelet goes in much easier with no finger blisters! Thanks for sharing man!
The MUSCLES are a bit softer than the Action League guys, so they weren't any trouble to screw into (ahem). It was just the repetition that killed my fingers. I'll use a lever of some sort next time. Actually, I've got some new pieces I'm working on now...
DeleteSweet. Can't wait to see it!
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