Let me preface this by assuring you
that I will not be discussing anything that happens in either the
Twilight books or movies. Sure I read the books and saw the movies,
but that isn't what this is about. I am not a Twi-hard a Twi-mom a
Twi-twink or any other crazy thing with a “Twi” in front of it.
I will admit that I am predisposed to like vampires (I blame Anne
Rice for starting me down this road). I'm sure many ladies out there
will be able to relate to why I like Twilight. And even if you can't
relate maybe you guys out there will at least understand this whole
Twilight thing a little better after this.
Finally 2008 came and brought not only
our long awaited fourth book, but also our first movie. So we
gathered at the movie tavern, and proceeded to go super crazy girl
ass nuts. Looking back I realized that it was never a good movie. I'm
not going to get into how bad the “acting” was, why there was
nothing special about the effects, or even how lame that whole
sparkly vampire business was. I'm not here to review the movie (but I
do love that I got to use that trick where you say what you're not
going to do, but by saying you're not doing it you totally just did.
Mind games, ha). But I digress. What was fun about the first Twilight
movie wasn't even the movie itself. It was the whole experience that
made it fun. I was testing the limits of how far I could take this
girly thing. It turned out to be pretty far actually. Because in
early spring the next year we planned a sleepover for the DVD
release. Sure the movie would be playing on repeat all night, but we
had so much more going on. There was wine, and cake, and a cardboard
standup of Robert Pattinson, and wine, and ice sculpture, and pillow
fights, and wine. Once again the experience was more important than
what movie we were watching. And no, I will not be including pictures
of the pillow fights.
So with all of that
Twilight related fun under my belt I was honestly and genuinely
surprised to find the second movie (New Moon) to be so much worse
than the first one. Maybe it was because I knew what to expect. Maybe
the Twilight kool-aid wasn't flowing quite as strong as it had been.
After all, by that time the books were over and I had moved on to my
excitement over the last Harry Potter movies. And when the third
movie (Eclipse) came out in 2010 it was even worse. I mean, they were
never going to be good movies, but this was getting ridiculous. By
the time the fourth movie (Breaking Dawn) came out last year I
couldn't even be bothered to see it in the theater (though I did
eventually rent it, and it was just as awful as I expected). Maybe
the the quality of the movies went down as the excitement around them
went down. Maybe we knew what to expect, and that wasn't necessarily
a good thing anymore. Maybe we just got older and more cynical (and
becoming more cynical would be a tough thing for me to do). Whatever
the reason we seemed to be done with Twilight. At least, until this
year that is.
During the course of this
year's Halloween party we came to the consensus that we would finish
out this Twilight thing together. We knew it would be terrible, but
as we planned on replacing the Twilight kool-aid with wine we hoped
we'd be okay. There weren't nearly as many of us this time, but it
was so much better than we expected. Sure the effects were still bad,
and even the good actors were phoning it in, but somehow the fun
returned anyway. All of the stuff that annoyed me about the last few
movies became hilarious again. The crowd we were with was much
younger so that might be part of it. We sure enjoyed laughing at them
every time they screamed in shock or horror. Maybe seeing the Hunger
Games earlier this year was good preparation. I don't know, and I
don't care. Twilight got good again this year, and I don't give a
damn what anyone else thinks about it. Not everything has to be
thought provoking or art or even add value to the world. Twilight
added giggling, an excuse for several girl's nights, and some
hilariously harmless fun to my life. How can that possibly be a bad
thing?
-Beth V
My wife has partaken of your Kool Aid. Worse, she has forced me to attend at least two of the movies with her. She says it's karma for Iron Man, The Avengers, et al, but she *enjoyed* those moves, dammit.
ReplyDeleteAnd yes, i tried to read the books, but after 15 pages, I decided I would rather sit on my own balls in a uncontrollable massage chair set to "pummel." Alas, I love Conan.
Karma.
Wow, my husband won't even go to see the hobbit with me. I commend your commitment. Maybe my lack of balls is what gave me (and a bazillion other women) the ability to read, watch, and enjoy that mess. I'm sure it will come back to haunt me someday. Karma indeed
ReplyDeleteScott Garner, your wife is cruel. I would never ever make my sig other go see this with me. sure I've seen them, but it isn;t for dudes. AT ALL. You are whipped. The only way to combat this is to make her go see the worst ever dude movie that comes out. pull the twilight card and she has to go.
ReplyDeleteThat said, twilight the book is so terrible that it makes me fell better to watch gossip girl.
So many of those Twilight shenanigans happened in the house I own. The house that I was so quickly forced out of so that you and your cohorts could partake in that ritual each time one of those horrendous excuses for a film was released on video. I am still trying to get the stink out of my DVD player.
ReplyDelete