Monday, November 12, 2012

Monstrosity Championship Wrestling Week: Dragula

Welcome to Monstrosity Championship Wrestling Week here on Needless Things!
One dream I’ve always had since I was a little Troublemaker was to perform in a wrestling ring. As I grew older I came to understand that I did not possess the drive, coordination, or athletic ability to be wrestler. But I still dreamed about performing in the ring. Not in an arena. Not in Madison Square Garden or the Omni. It really didn’t matter the setting; I just wanted to be standing on that canvas surrounded by ropes, steel, and fans.
            Sometimes I dreamed of managing. Yelling at my charges’ opponents, reacting to the matches, and inciting the crowd. But managers aren’t 6’4” tall and 240 pounds. That wouldn’t make any sense. “Why isn’t this guy wrestling?” or “He’s bigger than the wrestlers!” people would say. Nobody expects to see a big lummox strutting around and running his mouth.
No, my most realistic desire was to be a ring announcer. And that was by no means a fallback. I have always been fascinated by the likes of David Penzer, Howard Finkel, Jeremy Borasch, and of course Michael Buffer. Just like entrance music and pyro, these guys get the crowd hyped up for the match. WCW’s Main Events on Nitro always felt like huge deals because of Buffer, regardless of who was competing. And it doesn’t matter how big those guys are because they’re not directly part of the action. Or at least, they shouldn’t be. All of those but Buffer have been involved in stories at some point. But I’m over thinking things; the point is that these guys are judged by their voices, not their stature for the most part.
I’ve been told since I was in high school that I should do something with my voice. I never have because I haven’t had any connections and have a crippling fear of failure. But last year Professor Morte and Stephen Platinum helped make my dream come true when they made me the ring announcer for the very first Monstrosity Championship Wrestling event at the Atlanta Zombie Apocalypse.
More precisely, in the parking lot of the Atlanta Zombie Apocalypse. We had one light, it was probably forty degrees out, and there was no sound system. I stood in that ring for maybe two hours and it only now occurs to me that I was the only somewhat consistent entertainment that night. I was more of a carnival barker than a ring announcer, as we were playing to the people in line at AZA. There was a constant stream of new people and I was doing my best to sell the show to everybody that came by. There were only five or six matches, so in between each match I would do my best to talk to the crowd, put over the show, whatever. There was one point where I just ran out of steam, looked at Stephen Platinum, and said “I got nothin’”. He laughed.
I also had the job of making up characters and intros for everybody. Completely on the spot. Steve would tell me something along the lines of, “Sylar is coming out in about five minutes dressed as a mummy,” and I’d come up with a name and a little something to say:
Now staggering towards the ring – from the cruel desert of Egypt – beware the vengeance of… Imanhotep the Devil Mummy!”
Or something.
The Washington Bullets were a voodoo priest and his zombie, Aisha was a banshee (which as far as I know is where she started doing that bloodcurdling scream – I hadn’t seen it before, anyway), (other stuff). It was a great time despite the less-than-great conditions and I think the wrestlers had just as much fun improvising as I did. I definitely had fun watching them.
Which brings me to my point. If this event had been indoors with proper lighting, sound, and adult beverages as well as a bit more advance preparation; it would have been one of the most fun wrestling events I have seen. As it was it was still pretty amazing.
On November 17th, 2012 the undead, untamed, and just generally uncouth wrestlers of MCW will invade Atlanta’s Club Famous to destroy each other for the entertainment of mere mortals. Dragula, the Kentucky Wolfman, Phantom (no relation), Rock, Paper, Scissors, Zombie Washington Bullets, Pandora, and more will descend upon Atlanta’s most diabolical rock n’ roll establishment. And if those chaotic creatures of the night aren’t enough to scare the wits out of you, Atlanta’s own The Casket Creatures will be there to lay the horror rock smack down on your sassafras ass.
Club Famous is way better than the AZA parking lot.
Here’s what Club Famous (or Famous Pub as they sometimes refer to themselves) says about Club Famous:
In Atlanta, there's no place like Famous Pub for meeting up with friends, watching the big game, or just hanging out. We are GREAT SPORTS and GREAT FUN! At Famous Pub, we've got it all!

* 7 High Definition 6 Foot x 10 Foot Projection Screens
* Over 50 LCD Flat Screen TVs
* Video DJ
* Dance Floor with High Tech Light Show
* Beautiful 64 Seat Patio with TV Screens
* Numerous Video Games
* 2 Fully Stocked Bars
* Large Selection of Wines
* Great Selection of Imported and Domestic Beers
* Full Menu with Wings, Burgers, Sandwiches, Wraps, and Salads”

And here’s what Atlantans say about Club Famous:
I have never been to Club Famous Pub, so I can’t comment other than to say that this very same page was one hundred percent correct about The Last Great Watering Hole. I point these things out not to dissuade you, but to prepare you. Dives are fun, but not when they’re a surprise. And don’t wear anything you need dry cleaned, as you will apparently be reeking of smoke when you leave. I, unfortunately, will be wearing a nice suit because of my often stated belief that you need to look your best when you are performing, even if the place is apparently going to have the atmosphere of Puff the Magic Dragon’s cave.

To promote the show I
decided I wanted to do some more Q&As like I did for Dragon*Con
Wrestling. All week long I’ll be talking to some of the freaks who
will be competing Friday night. I thought it would be great to kick
things off with the self-proclaimed Face of MCW – the Queen of the
Damned, Dragula! I have never personally witnessed the Heartbreaking
Hemovore in action, but I have heard tales. 
From his mysterious origin to his exotic appearance to his strange ability to mesmerize an entire room full of people, Dragula is somehow outrageous and enigmatic at the same time. With a repertoire of devastating moves like the Coffin Clutch, the DTD (the Dragula’s Tango Drop), and of course the mighty Sundown Flip; the Glampire is a threat to every grappler he encounters.

1) What makes you monstrous enough for Monstrosity Championship Wrestling?

A) It's my fangs, my super human good overall FANGTABULOUSNESS!

2) What was your favorite toy when you were a kid?

A) GI Joe was great and transformers too.

3) What is one album everybody should own?

A) Duh - anything with the Monster Mash!

4) Who is your favorite wrestler and why?

A) My favorite wrestler was Exotic Adrian Street...... I thought he was the first gay wrestler.......... I clearly was wrong, but he sure fooled me.

5) How did you become involved with MCW?

A) It was about sun down several months ago when I received a call. I pushed the call to voicemail as I wasn't quite done with my beauty rest. They said they needed personalities and I've got more than I need.

6) What's your beef at MCW on November 16? Who should be trembling in fear?

A) Being a Vampire Vagitarian I just can't stand those Wolf people.......... fleas...... ticks......... puppies.. inbreeding. I could list the reasons for disliking them for centuries.

7) What would be your monster dream match?

A) Against any beautiful tan blond boi.............. I love blonds.

8) Monstrosity Championship Wrestling is widely known to have the most grueling events in professional wrestling history – how do you prepare for such a nightmare?

A) Beauty rest.......moisturizer....and a good steak dinner..........rare.

9) Which actor do you feel like you could sit and watch for hours no matter what they were doing and why?

A) Not so much an actor but I watch a lot of Bel Ami..........but only in two minute increments............ha ha! Blahhhh....... No seriously. I don't have a favorite actor but I love TIVO is loaded with BSG, ST:TNG. SG1, SGU.......and if you know what any of that means and you are cute and blond.......... call me.
10) What inspires you to do what you do?

A) Traditionally wrestling has not been kind to openly gay wrestlers. They have either waited to retire or have been involved in some huge scandal before their sexuality became common knowledge. The fear has always been that somehow being gay makes you less tough or makes you less marketable. Dragula is proof that people cheer for the gays..........and they like vampires too. 
11) What is something you cannot wait to see or have more of?

A) I think they ended Stargate Universe too early.........I want them to wake up from their eternal sleep and continue their journey..........I'm not sure why I'm so interested in that story.

12) Is there a movie that should never be remade and if so which one?

A) JAWS 3.......oh man that was bad.............and please no more National Treasure movies with Nicolas Cage........I rose up out of the theater right in the middle of the last one......a Mayan Temple in Mount drove a stake in my heart.

13) Closer – can you cut a sick and twisted promo for Monstrosity Championship Wrestling on November 16th? Take as long as you want.

A) I am the face of Monstrosity Championship Wrestling........and it's covered in makeup lipstick and glitter........On November 17th, the Alabama Werewolf can bring the Kentucky Werewolf......or any other of his mange ridden, flea bitten family won't matter. I'll have my Fangtabulousness to get me another win........and my dog whistle. You folks better watch your neck.......

This Friday night, a centuries-old feud will continue as the naughty Nosferatu faces off against the larcenous lycanthrope. That’s right – Dragula will be facing off against his nemesis the Kentucky Wolfman in a titanic struggle for the ages. Will a score be settled or will this confrontation end in complete chaos? More importantly, is anybody safe? Be there at Club Famous and find out!

Also, check back in tomorrow for another Q&A with a completely different Phantom.


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