Welcome to Monstrosity
Championship Wrestling Week here on Needless Things!
One dream I’ve always
had since I was a little Troublemaker was to perform in a wrestling
ring. As I grew older I came to understand that I did not possess the
drive, coordination, or athletic ability to be wrestler. But I still
dreamed about performing in the ring. Not in an arena. Not in Madison
Square Garden or the Omni. It really didn’t matter the setting; I
just wanted to be standing on that canvas surrounded by ropes, steel,
and fans.
No, my most realistic
desire was to be a ring announcer. And that was by no means a
fallback. I have always been fascinated by the likes of David Penzer,
Howard Finkel, Jeremy Borasch, and of course Michael Buffer. Just
like entrance music and pyro, these guys get the crowd hyped up for
the match. WCW’s Main Events on Nitro always felt like huge deals
because of Buffer, regardless of who was competing. And it doesn’t
matter how big those guys are because they’re not directly part of
the action. Or at least, they shouldn’t
be. All of those but Buffer have been involved in stories at some
point. But I’m over thinking things; the point is that these guys
are judged by their voices, not their stature for the most part.
I’ve been told since I
was in high school that I should do something with my voice. I never
have because I haven’t had any connections and have a crippling
fear of failure. But last year Professor Morte and Stephen Platinum
helped make my dream come true when they made me the ring announcer
for the very first Monstrosity Championship Wrestling event at the
Atlanta Zombie Apocalypse.
More precisely, in the
parking lot of the Atlanta Zombie Apocalypse. We had one light, it
was probably forty degrees out, and there was no sound system. I
stood in that ring for maybe two hours and it only now occurs to me
that I was the only somewhat consistent entertainment that night. I
was more of a carnival barker than a ring announcer, as we were
playing to the people in line at AZA. There was a constant stream of
new people and I was doing my best to sell the show to everybody that
came by. There were only five or six matches, so in between each
match I would do my best to talk to the crowd, put over the show,
whatever. There was one point where I just ran out of steam, looked
at Stephen Platinum, and said “I got nothin’”. He laughed.
I also had the job of
making up characters and intros for everybody. Completely on the
spot. Steve would tell me something along the lines of, “Sylar is
coming out in about five minutes dressed as a mummy,” and I’d
come up with a name and a little something to say:
“Now staggering towards
the ring – from the cruel desert of Egypt – beware the vengeance
of… Imanhotep the Devil Mummy!”
Or something.
The Washington Bullets
were a voodoo priest and his zombie, Aisha was a banshee (which as
far as I know is where she started doing that bloodcurdling scream –
I hadn’t seen it before, anyway), (other stuff). It was a great
time despite the less-than-great conditions and I think the wrestlers
had just as much fun improvising as I did. I definitely had fun
watching them.
Which brings me to my
point. If this event had been indoors with proper lighting, sound,
and adult beverages as well as a bit more advance preparation; it
would have been one of the most fun wrestling events I have seen. As
it was it was still pretty amazing.
On November 17th,
2012 the undead, untamed, and just generally uncouth wrestlers of MCW
will invade Atlanta’s Club Famous to destroy each other for the
entertainment of mere mortals. Dragula, the Kentucky Wolfman, Phantom
(no relation), Rock, Paper, Scissors, Zombie Washington Bullets,
Pandora, and more will descend upon Atlanta’s most diabolical rock
n’ roll establishment. And if those chaotic creatures of the night
aren’t enough to scare the wits out of you, Atlanta’s own The
Casket Creatures will be there to lay the horror rock smack down on
your sassafras ass.
Club Famous is way better
than the AZA parking lot.
Here’s what Club Famous
(or Famous Pub as they sometimes refer to themselves) says about Club
Famous:
“In
Atlanta, there's no place like Famous Pub for meeting up with
friends, watching the big game, or just hanging out. We are GREAT
SPORTS and GREAT FUN! At Famous Pub, we've got it all!
* 7 High Definition 6 Foot x 10 Foot Projection Screens
* Over 50 LCD Flat Screen TVs
* Video DJ
* Dance Floor with High Tech Light Show
* Beautiful 64 Seat Patio with TV Screens
* Numerous Video Games
* 2 Fully Stocked Bars
* Large Selection of Wines
* Great Selection of Imported and Domestic Beers
* Full Menu with Wings, Burgers, Sandwiches, Wraps, and Salads”
* 7 High Definition 6 Foot x 10 Foot Projection Screens
* Over 50 LCD Flat Screen TVs
* Video DJ
* Dance Floor with High Tech Light Show
* Beautiful 64 Seat Patio with TV Screens
* Numerous Video Games
* 2 Fully Stocked Bars
* Large Selection of Wines
* Great Selection of Imported and Domestic Beers
* Full Menu with Wings, Burgers, Sandwiches, Wraps, and Salads”
And here’s what
Atlantans say about Club Famous:
I have never been to Club
Famous Pub, so I can’t comment other than to say that this very
same page was one hundred percent correct about The Last Great Watering Hole.
I point these things out not to dissuade you, but to prepare you.
Dives are fun, but not when they’re a surprise. And don’t wear
anything you need dry cleaned, as you will apparently be reeking of
smoke when you leave. I, unfortunately, will be wearing a nice suit
because of my often stated belief that you need to look your best
when you are performing, even if the place is apparently going to
have the atmosphere of Puff the Magic Dragon’s cave.
To promote the show I
decided I wanted to do some more Q&As like I did for Dragon*Con
Wrestling. All week long I’ll be talking to some of the freaks who
will be competing Friday night. I thought it would be great to kick
things off with the self-proclaimed Face of MCW – the Queen of the
Damned, Dragula! I have never personally witnessed the Heartbreaking
Hemovore in action, but I have heard tales.
1) What makes you monstrous enough for Monstrosity Championship Wrestling?
A) It's my fangs, my super human strength........my good looks...........my overall FANGTABULOUSNESS!
2) What was your favorite toy when you were a kid?
A) GI Joe was great and transformers too.
3) What is one album everybody should own?
A) Duh - anything with the Monster Mash!
4) Who is your favorite wrestler and why?
A) My favorite wrestler was Exotic Adrian Street...... I thought he was the first gay wrestler.......... I clearly was wrong, but he sure fooled me.
5) How did you become involved with MCW?
A) It was about sun down several months ago when I received a call. I pushed the call to voicemail as I wasn't quite done with my beauty rest. They said they needed personalities and I've got more than I need.
6) What's your beef at MCW on November 16? Who should be trembling in fear?
A) Being a Vampire Vagitarian I just can't stand those Wolf people.......... fleas...... ticks......... puppies.. inbreeding. I could list the reasons for disliking them for centuries.
7) What would be your monster dream match?
A) Against any beautiful tan blond boi.............. I love blonds.
8) Monstrosity Championship Wrestling is widely known to have the most grueling events in professional wrestling history – how do you prepare for such a nightmare?
A) Beauty rest.......moisturizer....and a good steak dinner..........rare.
9) Which actor do you feel like you could sit and watch for hours no matter what they were doing and why?
A) Not so much an actor but I watch a lot of Bel Ami..........but only in two minute increments............ha ha! Blahhhh....... No seriously. I don't have a favorite actor but I love sci-fi........my TIVO is loaded with BSG, ST:TNG. SG1, SGU.......and if you know what any of that means and you are cute and blond.......... call me.
10) What inspires you to do what you do?
A) Traditionally wrestling has not been kind to openly gay wrestlers. They have either waited to retire or have been involved in some huge scandal before their sexuality became common knowledge. The fear has always been that somehow being gay makes you less tough or makes you less marketable. Dragula is proof that people cheer for the gays..........and they like vampires too.
11) What is something you cannot wait to see or have more of?
A) I think they ended Stargate Universe too early.........I want them to wake up from their eternal sleep and continue their journey..........I'm not sure why I'm so interested in that story.
12) Is there a movie that should never be remade and if so which one?
A) JAWS 3.......oh man that was bad.............and please no more National Treasure movies with Nicolas Cage........I rose up out of the theater right in the middle of the last one......a Mayan Temple in Mount Rushmore.........it drove a stake in my heart.
13) Closer – can you cut a sick and twisted promo for Monstrosity Championship Wrestling on November 16th? Take as long as you want.
A) I am the face of Monstrosity Championship Wrestling........and it's covered in makeup lipstick and glitter........On November 17th, the Alabama Werewolf can bring the Kentucky Werewolf......or any other of his mange ridden, flea bitten family members.......it won't matter. I'll have my Fangtabulousness to get me another win........and my dog whistle. You folks better watch your neck.......
This Friday night, a centuries-old feud will continue as the naughty Nosferatu faces off against the larcenous lycanthrope. That’s right – Dragula will be facing off against his nemesis the Kentucky Wolfman in a titanic struggle for the ages. Will a score be settled or will this confrontation end in complete chaos? More importantly, is anybody safe? Be there at Club Famous and find out!
Also, check back in tomorrow for another Q&A with a completely different Phantom.
-Phantom
(Image from WrestlingWithPopCulture.com)
From his mysterious
origin to his exotic appearance to his strange ability to mesmerize
an entire room full of people, Dragula is somehow outrageous and
enigmatic at the same time. With a repertoire of devastating moves
like the Coffin Clutch, the DTD (the Dragula’s Tango Drop), and of
course the mighty Sundown Flip; the Glampire is a threat to every
grappler he encounters.1) What makes you monstrous enough for Monstrosity Championship Wrestling?
A) It's my fangs, my super human strength........my good looks...........my overall FANGTABULOUSNESS!
2) What was your favorite toy when you were a kid?
A) GI Joe was great and transformers too.
3) What is one album everybody should own?
A) Duh - anything with the Monster Mash!
4) Who is your favorite wrestler and why?
A) My favorite wrestler was Exotic Adrian Street...... I thought he was the first gay wrestler.......... I clearly was wrong, but he sure fooled me.
5) How did you become involved with MCW?
A) It was about sun down several months ago when I received a call. I pushed the call to voicemail as I wasn't quite done with my beauty rest. They said they needed personalities and I've got more than I need.
6) What's your beef at MCW on November 16? Who should be trembling in fear?
A) Being a Vampire Vagitarian I just can't stand those Wolf people.......... fleas...... ticks......... puppies.. inbreeding. I could list the reasons for disliking them for centuries.
7) What would be your monster dream match?
A) Against any beautiful tan blond boi.............. I love blonds.
8) Monstrosity Championship Wrestling is widely known to have the most grueling events in professional wrestling history – how do you prepare for such a nightmare?
A) Beauty rest.......moisturizer....and a good steak dinner..........rare.
9) Which actor do you feel like you could sit and watch for hours no matter what they were doing and why?
A) Not so much an actor but I watch a lot of Bel Ami..........but only in two minute increments............ha ha! Blahhhh....... No seriously. I don't have a favorite actor but I love sci-fi........my TIVO is loaded with BSG, ST:TNG. SG1, SGU.......and if you know what any of that means and you are cute and blond.......... call me.
10) What inspires you to do what you do?
A) Traditionally wrestling has not been kind to openly gay wrestlers. They have either waited to retire or have been involved in some huge scandal before their sexuality became common knowledge. The fear has always been that somehow being gay makes you less tough or makes you less marketable. Dragula is proof that people cheer for the gays..........and they like vampires too.
11) What is something you cannot wait to see or have more of?
A) I think they ended Stargate Universe too early.........I want them to wake up from their eternal sleep and continue their journey..........I'm not sure why I'm so interested in that story.
12) Is there a movie that should never be remade and if so which one?
A) JAWS 3.......oh man that was bad.............and please no more National Treasure movies with Nicolas Cage........I rose up out of the theater right in the middle of the last one......a Mayan Temple in Mount Rushmore.........it drove a stake in my heart.
13) Closer – can you cut a sick and twisted promo for Monstrosity Championship Wrestling on November 16th? Take as long as you want.
A) I am the face of Monstrosity Championship Wrestling........and it's covered in makeup lipstick and glitter........On November 17th, the Alabama Werewolf can bring the Kentucky Werewolf......or any other of his mange ridden, flea bitten family members.......it won't matter. I'll have my Fangtabulousness to get me another win........and my dog whistle. You folks better watch your neck.......
This Friday night, a centuries-old feud will continue as the naughty Nosferatu faces off against the larcenous lycanthrope. That’s right – Dragula will be facing off against his nemesis the Kentucky Wolfman in a titanic struggle for the ages. Will a score be settled or will this confrontation end in complete chaos? More importantly, is anybody safe? Be there at Club Famous and find out!
Also, check back in tomorrow for another Q&A with a completely different Phantom.
-Phantom
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