Okay, I have to admit to something
because that’s what I do here. I try to be as honest as I can be
and not ever act like a know-it-all. Just about everything here on
Needless Things comes straight out of my head. Every once in a while
I do look something up, but only if it’s so I can even talk about
it in the first place.
I’ve watched the 2002 Masters of
the Universe cartoon series in its entirety probably
two-and-a-half times now and I don’t remember this guy at all.
Like, not even in a “Oh, yeah – he looks kind of familiar,”
kind of way. So I had to look him up. Which in itself was a somewhat
Danger is a red-hot babyface. At least, he was when he got all jacked
up at Platinum Championship Wrestling’s Sacred Ground Chapter 3.
Danger was poised to make a huge impact in The Main Event in
Porterdale, Georgia taking on his former Priority Males stable mates.
But misfortune intervened and Danger was stuck on the sidelines,
mentally ready but physically stalled.
now he’s back to let you know he can really shake ‘em down…
didn't get to post this last week like I had intended. This is all
about two weekends ago.
amazing as last Friday night was, Saturday was pretty great, too.
Troublemaker had stayed with his grandparents the night before so
that Mrs. Troublemaker could come and watch me be great, so after we
picked him up we headed downtown for the ICE (Indie Craft Experience)
Holiday Shopping Spectacular.
was held at Ambient Plus Studios. I don’t know exactly what Ambient
Plus Studios normally is, but it was a huge loft-like room with tons
of room for over a hundred vendors. There were a number of food
trucks outside, but we had already had an extraordinarily shitty
experience at El Torero.
In my opinion these 30th
Anniversary figures have been a success. We only have one more to go
after Cy-Chop here and I can already tell you that unless they manage
to fuck him up really bad, Castle Grayskullman is a big
I’ll do a round-up of opinions on
them next time. For now, let’s take a look at Cy-Chop.
Cy-Chop is the creation of some dude
from the Matty design team – Terry Higuchi. Terry Higuchi is
clearly a lunatic. There are so many things I hate about Cy-Chop, but
they all come together in such an absolutely insane way that I ended
up loving the figure. It’s just the wackiest damn thing to come out
of the Masters of the Universe Classics line. That’s really saying
something for a line that includes a man with a robot elephant head
and another guy with a magical cyborg neck.
As impressed as I was with the batshit
craziness of Cy-Chop, I wasn’t sure I was going to buy him until I
hit the “Submit Order” button. I don’t like his head. I
specifically dislike those pointy cone things on top, as they remind
me of Kevin Nealon’s character in Little Nicky. I know
they’re not at all breast-like, but that’s what my brain does.
I’m also really bothered that he doesn’t include regular hands. I
mean, how does he wipe his ass with those things? Or do anything
for that matter? With the technology available to the citizens of
Eternia, I can’t imagine why this guy couldn’t have at least one
But when sale day came I just couldn’t
resist. I sat and looked at this goofball for a couple of minutes and
decided I would just be too disappointed if I let him get away.
Although I did predict that all of the 30th
Anniversary figures would be available again at some point; possibly
as soon as Black Friday. Sure enough, every single one of them was up
for sale as of last Wednesday. Even Castle Grayskullman, who “Sold
Out” in less than an hour on his sale day. I guess they had more
made really quick. Right?
Anyway, this guy came along with the
King Grayskull I was (finally) able to get that day. I can’t decide
if I want to open King Grayskull or not, but I opened Cy-Chop as soon
as I was able.
First Glance: What an
absolute fucking mess this guy is. I feel like a ten-year-old
designed him, and I mean that in the best way possible. From the
colors to the nutso combination of parts, I can’t believe this toy
got made. He is the Axe Cop of the MOTUC line (the comic as a whole,
not Axe Cop himself).
Head – ball joint
Shoulders – ball joint
Biceps – swivel
Wrists – swivel
Choppers – pivots at the base of each
Waist – swivel
Hips – ball joint
Thighs – swivel
Knees – pivot
Ankles – rocker joint
Cy-Chop’s ankles might as well be
pivots. Like most recent MOTUC figures, the rocker is almost
unnoticeable. The forward/back motion is fine, but the side-to-side
almost doesn’t even work. I’m not sure why this is, but it kind
This guy is also missing the calf and
abdominal joints, but for good and obvious reasons.
All of the existing joints work quite
well. None are stuck – which (knock on wood) seems to be a thing of
the past. All of them hold a pose well.
Sculpt: That head…
man. I don’t know. It’s very unique. It has a definite sci-fi
look. Almost like something out of Metropolis. But it’s
scary in its dullness. And I just don’t like the cones. The
execution is competent though, so when you take the issue of personal
taste out you can’t really complain. It isn’t straight-up bad,
it’s just so odd. That almost looks like Panthro’s jaw. I think I
could like it more, but I’ll get to that in the Coloring section.
Cy-Chop uses Roboto’s chest shell,
but the insides are actually… insides. Well, sort of. It looks like
there’s a pile of intestines at the bottom, but there’s some kind
of disc up top. It’s really weird and off-putting and I like it. It
reminds me of Mutagen Man, one of the greatest action figures of all
time. If there is any justice in this world, we will get a new
Mutagen Man figure in the current TMNT line.
The figure has Beast Man’s legs and
upper arms. This is also very odd. I guess Higuchi went with those
for the texture, but it makes me curious as to what Scychor
(Cy-Chop’s name pre-cyborging) looked like. But the hairy
appendages work. Not in a way that makes sense or works for the
character, but in a way that adds to the insanity of the design.
The forearms are Roboto’s and I love
how they are done. That’s also for the Coloring section.
And now for the big, new things – the
claws. Or choppers. Or mega-scissors. Whatever. They’re just too
darn big. It’s absurd. If you’re in a battle and have the ability
to cut a guy’s legs, arms, or head off that should be enough.
There’s no reason to have appendages large enough to bifurcate a
man at the waist. Especially when you can’t even stand with your
arms hanging straight down. The size of these things is just
overkill. That being said, I’m fine with it. Clearly, Higuchi sat
down with this design and decided to go “Full Retard”, if you
will. The actual design of the choppers is great. The fact that
they’re articulated and functional is great. Plus they’re sturdy.
I was afraid we were going to get some flimsy, rubber blades. But
these things are pretty firm. Each blade has a full range of
movement. Mattel didn’t impose any unnecessary limits on the amount
they could open. There’s just enough detailing on these that they
look cool, but not so much that they’re overwrought.
The choppers detach from the forearms
easily and can be switched out with most of the other arm accessories
from the line – Trap-Jaw’s, Roboto’s, and Spikor’s.
Coloring: I particularly
like Cy-Chop’s overall color scheme. The orange and the blue work
well together and the blue tint on the chest casing is a nice
difference from Roboto’s. The problem is that his color scheme is
heroic. It took me actually sitting down and writing this before I
could remember that Cy-Chop is a bad guy. Just looking at him, he
looks like a hero. Yes, his giant blades of doom might contradict
that, but hasn’t everybody seen Edward Scissorhands? I think
this guy would have looked great in black, green, and silver. And he
also would have complimented his best pal, Kronis (Trap-Jaw).
So the head is a bland hunk of crap. I
don’t know what happened here. At least the lower portion of his
face could have been painted. Or some detailing on his helmet. This
is easily the worst thing about the whole figure and it feels like
laziness or a cost-cutting measure rather than a design choice.
The interior of the chest looks good –
the parts have different and distinctive colors.
The blue furry parts are detailed about
like Beast Man’s, with some shading to bring out the sculpted fur.
Cy-Chop also has the requisite colored toenails, which are always a
The forearms look great. I love that
the design calls for blue going down into the circuitry to give the
visual idea that the orange parts are grafted onto Scychor’s arms.
It’s a nice touch and something that could have been overlooked.
There are some nice touches of color on the orange portions and
overall I feel like these forearms are the most exciting portion of
The choppers look very good, with
plenty of detailing and a variety of colors to keep them from looking
like big, silver hunks of crap. You know – like his head.
Flair: Cy-Chop’s belt
and loin cloth are basically Trap-Jaw’s but with a Horde crest on
the belt. It looks good. The loops on the side are kind of pointless,
but I like the shape of the belt a lot. It works. The pieces are
pained well, with shading on the furry parts and nice, tight coloring
on the Horde crest. This is one of the places where black would have
been better. It just seems so weird that all of the other Horde
members have black and red crests and this guy’s is orange and
Not a sausage. I fell like this guy should have come with a pair of
hands. I would bet money that was the original intent and Matty cut
them out (pun sort of intended). I think this is the first MOTUC
figure since Stratos that has not come with any accessories and I
think that’s bullshit. It’s not like each appendage is even
different. The choppers are the same sculpt. Boo, Matty, boo.
Packaging: It’s the
regular MOTUC blister card. Still neat and still effective. Here’s
And this is where they really got me.
They made this goofball pals with my favorite MOTU character –
Trap-Jaw. I couldn’t very well pass that up.
Value: $28.70 (including
shipping) is too much for this guy. He seems like he has a lot
of value-added stuff, what with his huge choppers and the chest, but
that’s all a bunch of flash drawing your attention away from the
lack of paint apps and accessories. Don’t be fooled.
Overall:(That's Horde Prime's left hand) Ch-Chop is a
mess of design. I like him on my shelf, but I also like bootleg toys
a lot. He’s a terrible value and, quite frankly, one of the biggest
gyps of the whole line. He probably deserves a “2”, but I really
do like looking at his silly ass.
out of 5
You can go to MattyCollector right now and buy one. They’ve stated they had a
whole separate budget for the 30th Anniversary line and
I’m thinking they made a shit-ton of these things.
don’t normally post on holidays – especially Thanksgiving – but
I feel like I have a lot to be thankful for this year.
let me start off by being clear – I am thankful to God. I believe
in God, I believe He created this universe and everything in it and I
believe there are blessings in everything around us. I am
tremendously bothered by this new antitheist movement that is
directing so much hatred and derision toward the faithful, but I’m
not going to get into all of that now because this post is about
things I am thankful for, not about social media trends that concern
yeah – I believe in God and I always have. Never doubted, never
questioned. I simply can’t accept that all of this is an accident.
That there was no intention or design. And I’m not disputing
evolution or biology or any other science. I think that science and
faith fit together just fine. Without faith, there would be no
scientific advancement. Yeah, it’s a different kind of faith, but I
feel that the spiritual and the intellectual are not mutually
exclusive despite the fact that parties on both sides seem to like to
do their best to make it so.
I sort of got to live it once before last year, but on Friday night
it was the real deal. I had the honor of standing in a real wrestling
ring in a real venue in front of real fans, holding a real microphone
to introduce real wrestlers and essentially MC a legitimate
professional wrestling event. It was one of the greatest nights I’ve
I never cared much about the Snake Men
until the 20002 cartoon, which presented them as a massive threat to
both the good citizens of Eternia and Skeletor and his evil minions.
The faction made a huge impact and would have been an ongoing menace
had the series progressed past a second season.
General Rattlor, in particular, was a
favorite of mine. He was the guy that took control of operations
after Kobra Khan freed him from captivity and he essentially remained
the figurehead of the Snake Men for the remainder of the series. King
Hssss made very few appearances, as I think they were sort of saving
him for later.
I’m not entirely sure how excited I
was about Mekanek. I never had any particular feelings about him when
I was a kid, but he also wasn’t one of the ones I disliked. I guess
the more human a character seemed the less interested I was in them.
Granted, a dude with a twenty foot long cyborg neck isn’t all that
human. Until you compare him to the fish man and the giant,
Like A Bomb” Pandora is the toughest woman I have ever seen inside
of a wrestling ring.
not hyperbole. That’s fact.
have to admit, the first time I saw Platinum Championship Wrestling
at the Masquerade I didn’t have a very high opinion of women’s
wrestling. Let me be clear – I said “women’s wrestling”,
not “women wrestlers”.
At the time WWE and TNA were both doing pretty shitty jobs of
managing their women’s divisions. You know, kind of like they are
now. There was definitely talent in both companies – Gail Kim, Beth
Phoenix, Nattie Neidhart, Mickie James, and Tara just to name a few –
but they were typically only used well for a few weeks at a time, if
soon as I got the call to do some posts to promote Monstrosity
Championship Wrestling this Friday night, I knew I wanted to try and
snag an interview with one of the most mysterious wrestlers to come
out of Platinum Championship Wrestling – The Undead Luchador
The first time I really
became cognizant of Casey Kincaid was during a match that was part of
his Phantom Invitational. It was against Vandal, who at the time was
still getting his shit together (it’s together now). Kincaid was
still under the Phantom hood and had been a part of every PCW show
I’d seen at the time (which probably numbered less than ten – I
will always regret not being able to see more of the shows in
Avondale). But this match was awesome. I’m not going to say Vandal
was bad, but he wasn’t where he is now. And it was apparent that
Phantom was making the match awesome. Don’t get me wrong – Vandal
was doing everything he was supposed to do. But Phantom was the guy
running the show. And I realized at that point that every match I’d
seen him in had been that way to one degree or another. I had to do a
sort of mental inventory and go, “Shit – this guy is always
Welcome to Monstrosity
Championship Wrestling Week here on Needless Things!
One dream I’ve always
had since I was a little Troublemaker was to perform in a wrestling
ring. As I grew older I came to understand that I did not possess the
drive, coordination, or athletic ability to be wrestler. But I still
dreamed about performing in the ring. Not in an arena. Not in Madison
Square Garden or the Omni. It really didn’t matter the setting; I
just wanted to be standing on that canvas surrounded by ropes, steel,
This primary-colored goof has been
sitting on a shelf in my office since the day he arrived over a year
I don’t know exactly what my problem
was with the Heroic Lord of Blustery Days, but I just did not want
him. So when he arrived I took him out of the white mailer box, got a
picture, and promptly listed him on eBay.
And then after seven days listed him
And seven days later, again.
2011 Masters of the Universe Classics
figures are nigh impossible to move on eBay because every citizen of
the planet Earth had a subscription. My dog had a
subscription. So unless you are willing to take a deep loss on your
figures, you’re not getting rid of them. I am not willing to take
such a loss. I’ll break even, but I’d rather have the most ugly,
stupid, ridiculous figure ever sit on my shelf for at least a year
than lose money on a MIP toy.
And here’s another overdue review.
Dragon*Con really threw me off. I’m way behind on my September
stuff, which is getting dangerously close to me getting behind on
October stuff and that simply cannot happen. And now October’s over
and I still haven’t posted this.
I actually had to give up on my posts
over on the ESO Network. I just can’t do eight a week. Sometimes I
can’t do five a week.
I don’t know that I have anything worthwhile to say about this, but I wanted to get some thoughts out of my head.
The gist of this whole thing seems to be that Disney bought Star Wars from George Lucas for four billion dollars. This is everything – the movies, the books, the toys, The Clone Wars, Jar Jar. Lucas will still consult, but the new head honcho for the Star Wars universe is a lady by the name of Kathleen Kennedy. I don’t know anything about her, but I have to admire her moxie for coming right out and announcing that Episode VII is on track for a 2015 release, followed by new movies every two to three years after that.
That is absolutely fucking crazy pants and in my opinion is the most earth-shattering news of my dorky lifetime.
You know what I like best about the
Snake Men? They hate everybody.
These serpentine humanoids are foes of
the Masters, Skeletor, and Hordak. And led by their King, Hssss, they
succeed in being a pain in the ass for all of the other factions. I
think there are two reasons for this:
They are all snakes. Rather than
being a disparate horde of assorted carnival freaks – guys with
giant fists, super-long necks, or enchanted club feet – King
Hssss’ subjects are all one big, fangy family.
Everybody hates snakes.
Historically, there is no more insidious or reviled villain than a
snake. Indiana Jones hates them, they are basis for an entire
religion of evil in Lair of the White Worm, and just look at
all of the villainous characters with snake-based motifs:
The Serpent Society
Jake “The Snake” Roberts –
Not always evil, but when he was he was the best heel in the
Copperhead – Definitely the
creepiest villain to be featured on Justice League Unlimited.
(Sssss) – What is the only
thing that could possibly make blatant misogynist Dirk Benedict
even more evil? Turning into a damned, dirty snake.
COBRA – A terrorist army who
were so dedicated to the evil that serpents represent that they
code-named everything after snakes.
I’m writing this after only playing this game for about eight
hours. I’ve just played matches and created a couple of characters.
This is by no means a comprehensive review. It’s just something
where I get my thoughts down and maybe give you a heads-up on a few
things if you’re on the fence about buying WWE
that I'm posting, I've played a bit more. I've added a few things
below, but my impressions remain pretty much the same.
If you don’t care to read about why you should care about my
opinion on wrestling games and just want to know what I think of WWE
ahead and skip to the next green section. But I think this next bit
is a pretty good read about wrestling games and might bring back some
memories for you. I certainly enjoyed writing it.
years of growing dissatisfaction with service, selection, and pretty
much every other aspect of their business model; I am finally
quitting Walmart. They have crossed a line that I simply cannot
tolerate. As a business, they are attacking a facet of my lifestyle
that I hold dear and that defines my very character. Walmart has gone
too far and I absolutely cannot tolerate it any longer.