I talked a little bit about the first
series of SLUG Zombies a while ago, then realized I should’ve saved
them for 31 Days of Halloween. Actually, I think I might have eaten
into my intro for today because I even mentioned finding Series 2 at
Toys R Us. But I’m sure I can fake this thing out to 1,000 words.
I think the commercial bothered her,
because the MUSCLE guys themselves weren’t particularly offensive.
Weird as heck, yeah.
Me and my friend Andy – the one kid I
knew who dug MUSCLE as much as me – would spend hours sticking the
little MUSCLE guys all over the living room or the back porch or the
little nook thing outside the basement door. I think the basement
door one happened because my mom got sick of finding MUSCLE figures
concealed in spots around the inside of the house for days after Andy
came over.
It’s funny how my different friends
were into different things. I don’t know if your childhood was like
this, but my buddies and I all had varying toy collections and it
seemed like each of us was big into a specific line:
Adam was into Thundercats.
John was the Transformers guy.
Ryan had all of the M.A.S.K.
toys.
Matthew was Masters of the Universe and
nothing but.
I had all of the GI Joe toys.
We all had a few things from all kinds
of lines, but we each had a specialty.
Anyway, me and Andy were the only ones
that cared about MUSCLE.
And now we’ve got these awesome
zombie figures that are very much like the MUSCLEs. Rad.
First Glance: I’m
pretty sure a few of these were shown along with the first series at
Toy Fair, if not all of them. None of them seemed surprising and new
when I opened the box. Except, of course, for the living characters.
Sculpt: Here’s where I
just show you a picture of each figure and then say something. Not my
best work ever, but I really just wanted to draw attention to some
great new toys.
Mash-Up Mike
I thought this guy was
supposed to be some kind of punker until I read his little bio and
saw that his previous job was a taxi driver and he dislikes fools.
Apparently this is Mr. T. Either way I like him.
Gator Jones
Those of you that are
around my age will recognize this as Crocodile Dundee. Everybody else
will be confused. I would pay large amounts of money to see a
Crocodile Dundee 3 featuring Paul Hogan fighting zombies in
the Outback.
Stu B’ You
This guy is pretty great.
His previous job: Head Chef. BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Andrew Agony
Clearly the people making
these things are around my age, because all of their references come
from over twenty years ago. Either that or somebody came up with this
entire toy line back in 1992 and it never got made because it was too
gross for stores then and JAKKS Pacific – desperate after losing
the lucrative WWE license and getting stuck with the decidedly
non-lucrative TNA license – bought it last year hoping to strike
the modern-day equivalent of MUSCLE gold. Maybe.
Oh, and this is a zombie
Andre Agassi. Way to be temporally irrelevant, JAKKS. Still, it’s a
funny figure.
Cleopatra Comin’
Atcha
This is the worst name of
the line by far. The figure is great, as she’s busting out of a
sarcophagus, but damn. That’s almost as bad as Netossa.
Dr. Outbreak
So is this the Patient
Zero of the SLUG line? I like this guy a lot. He reminds me of the
end of the Atlanta Zombie Apocalypse the first year. I hope
they make a living figure of a lab assistant that escaped Dr.
Outbreak’s terrible mistake, but too late to warn the world.
Jump-Shot Rot
What a terrible name.
Seriously? How about Dennis Rot-Man? Oh, and his favorite food is
pasta prima-scareya. Whoever came up with this guy’s bio should
have to eat a dog turd.
Macho Mangler
This one is questionable
in the same way that Grave Lincoln was questionable. I mean, the
figure looks like a zombie Hulk Hogan, but to use Macho Man’s name
in such a way – I dunno. It makes me uncomfortable. Not as
uncomfortable as if they’d named him Chris Benrot, but
uncomfortable nonetheless.
Also, I’m a little
concerned about the possibility of a lawsuit. Hulk Hogan himself
looks like zombie Hulk Hogan, so there may be a likeness issue.
Maximus Cadaverous
He’s a zombie gladiator.
I like him, but it occurs to me that these ancient ones should
probably just be skeletons, right? Maximus looks kind of like Glaber
from Spartacus. A lot, actually.
Teddy Terror
This is the scariest one
of the line so far by a long shot. Most of these guys are a cute kind
of grotesque, but fat zombies freak me out.
Captain Payback
Most of this survivor is
reminiscent of John Rambo, but that eyepatch screams Snake Plisskin.
I like Rambo a lot, but I really want this to be Snake. Maybe a
future survivor will look more like him. I like the rocket launcher.
Grim Trekker
This is obviously Indiana
Jones, but his name just seems lazy and weird. Why not Indiana Bones?
This is the figure featured in the window and I think it was a good
choice. Kids will see a zombie with a hat and dorks and old people
will see Indy.
The other four that I do not have are
Blazin’ Basel the fireman survivor, Buck Wilde (no, really) the
cowboy survivor, Flesh-Eatin’ Phil the zombie in a mailbox, and Mr.
Jangles the chimpanzee. I don’t really care about Basel and Buck
Wilde is really only notable for his name. I would feel compelled to
own Phil if I had Piece Mail Pete from the first series, but he
wasn’t in the box. But I absolutely must own Mr. Jangles. A
zombie chimp is just too sweet a prize to pass up.
Design: The big change
for the second series is that zombies are green and living persons
are pink. In case you didn’t pick up on that. I think it’s a
pretty clever and easy device and I look forward to possible future
variations – red vampires, black werewolves, brown owlbears. Shut
up – I just want a toy of an owlbear, dammit!
Packaging: There are two
types of SLUG Zombie packaging so far – coffins and blister cards.
The coffins each have twelve specific figures in them and the blister
cards have three random figures. I originally thought buying the
coffin got you all of the figures, but it doesn’t. There are
sixteen figures in each series, so you’re going to have to buy a
few blister packs if you want them. This is where I get a little
irritated, as it means collecting a whole set is going to require you
to buy not only doubles but to pay the extra that blister packs cost.
The coffin of twelve is $9.99 and the three packs are $3.99, so it’s
less than a dollar a figure for the big one and $1.33 apiece for the
smaller packs. But whatever – I think I’m just going to live
without the four extras. So far they aren’t characters I have to
have.
The coffin itself is pretty flimsy
cardboard with a window in the front to show one of the figures so
you know what you’re getting. I have to give JAKKS credit for that
one. Some other toy companies might have had some nice, full-color
depictions on the front and just let you assume you were getting
fully decoed figures.
Once you get the coffin open, there is
a plastic tray inside with the various figures arranged on it:
This kind of amuses me for some reason.
I like the way they just kind of stacked the guys up to make the
space work. They’re not just jumbled in there, but they aren’t
exactly organized and separated either.
Overall: This series is
even better than the first. I am totally okay with JAKKS throwing
some survivors in as long as they keep them interesting. The names
and stats are still kind of lame, but the toys are great.
4
out of 5
These are available at Target and Toys
R Us now and I would imagine Walmart before too much longer. Walmart
may censor their selection of music but they sure don’t seem to
give a damn about anything else.
Phantom
Troublemaker vs. 31 Days of Halloween
If you’re new here or haven’t been
keeping up, this is where I give my thoughts on SyFy’s “31 days
of Halloween” programming. Obviously I haven’t seen everything
I’ll be talking about, but that’s kind of what the internet is
all about – talking out of your ass.
Each day I will cover the schedule from
the time my post goes live (usually 11 AM) through the following 24
hours. On Fridays I will cover the whole weekend, which is a huge
pain in the ass but also kind of fun.
Enjoy!
11:00 AM – 1:30 PM – Star Trek III:
The Search For Spock – In the wake of the almost
unparalleled King of All Sequels, Wrath of Khan, the
Nimoy-directed Search For Spock was almost certain to be
underappreciated. While it has certainly found… Wait just a damn
minute. Why is SyFy showing Star Trek during “31 Days of
Halloween”?
Don’t get me wrong – I love the Star Trek movies. All of them (to
varying degrees, granted). But they do not belong here. With
approximately 87,392 SyFy Original Movies in the can you’d think
they could have dug up some actual horror to show.
Halloween score – 1 (Christopher
Lloyd killing that giant worm thing is pretty gruesome)
Quality score – 4
1:30 PM – 4:00 PM – Star Trek V: The
Final Frontier – I can’t imagine why they’re
skipping The Voyage Home, but I also can’t imagine why
they’re showing Star Trek as part of a Halloween event. The only
thing scary about this one is the “Row, row, row your boat,”
scene.
Halloween score – -2
Quality score – 3
4:00 PM – 6:30 PM – Star Trek IV: The
Voyage Home – What the good green gravy is going on
around here, anyway? Surely somebody in SyFy’s scheduling
department got confused by Roman numerals. Because I really
can’t see why they would show these movies out of sequence,
particularly when the narratives run directly through parts II –
Generations. SyFy, you goofy bastards.
Halloween score – 0 (This one is
practically a family movie)
Quality score – 3 (What? I still
think the San Francisco stuff is funny. “Nuclear wessels” HA!)
6:30 PM – 9:00 PM – Star Trek VI: The
Undiscovered Country – I’m giving this one a pass
because I really like it and because that hot, orange, shape-shifter
chick is more Halloweeny than everything else they’re showing today
put together. Seriously – she’s orange and kind of wears costumes
all the time.
Halloween score – 3 (I said a pass,
not a perfect)
Quality score – 4
9:00 PM – 11:30 PM – Star Trek VIII
(what?): First Contact – Aside from Wrath of Khan
this is my favorite Star Trek movie. I took this girl I was
absolutely in love with to see it and she dug it despite not being
very nerdy. I mean, she was a little nerdy; but not, like, “I’m
going to go see the new Star Trek movie under my own motivation,”
nerdy. But that’s not the only reason. It’s also just a great
movie that features Farmer Hoggett as a famous astrophysicist.
“That’ll do, Riker.”
Also, the Borg are fucking scary.
Halloween score – 2
Quality score – 5
11:30 PM – 2:00 AM – Star Trek VI:
The Undiscovered Country – Just a replay.
Halloween score – 3
Quality score – 4
FRIDAY
2:00 AM – 4:30 AM – Star Trek VIII:
First Contact – Also a replay.
Halloween score – 2
Quality score – 5
4:30 AM – 6:00 AM – Paranormal
Witness – A replay of “The Abduction” because
apparently it is that fucking scary. Or maybe just because
they need to fill up and hour and a half between Star Trek and
infomercials.
Halloween score – 5
Quality score – 3
6:00 AM – 8:00 AM – Paid Programming
– Probably the shortest block of these we’ll get all month. This
is the one that pays for the effects in Lake Placid 4: Alligator
In The Family!, which will look like Sega CD graphics.
Halloween score – 1
Quality score – 5
8:00 AM – 10:00 AM – Locusts: The 8th
Plague – While I, personally, do not find killer bug
movies to be all that Halloweeny, at least these are scarier than
Star Trek. I’ve actually seen this one thanks to its all-star (by
my standards) cast – David Keith (who I frequently refer to as
Keith David), Jeff Fahey (who I never refer to as Fahey Jeff), Dan
Cortese (who I rarely refer to at all), and Julie Benz (who I
frequently refer to as “hella hot”). This movie is honestly worth
watching just for the cast.
Halloween score – 3
Quality score – 3
10:00 AM –
12:00 PM – Swarmed – Recently brought into popular
consciousness by Robert Downey, Jr. in the movie Marvel’s
Avengers, this is a Levantine
Arab
meat preparation, where lamb,
goat,
chicken,
turkey,
beef,
veal,
or mixed meats are placed on a spit
(commonly a vertical spit in restaurants),
and may be grilled for as long as a day. Shavings are cut off the
block of meat for serving, and the remainder of the block of meat is
kept heated on the rotating spit. Although it can be served in
shavings on a plate (generally with accompaniments), shawarma
also refers to a pita
bread sandwich or
wrap
made with shawarma
meat. Shawarma
is eaten with tabbouleh,
fattoush,
taboon
bread, tomato, and
cucumber. Toppings include tahini,
hummus,
pickled turnips
and amba.
Shawarma is a
fast-food staple across the Middle
East, Europe,
and the Caucasus.
(from Wikipedia)
I know, I know. I jes’
playin’.
This movie stars Michael
Shanks and is pretty terrible.
Halloween score – 2
Quality score – 1
Come back tomorrow for… something.
I’m not sure yet. But I guarantee there will be more SyFy coverage
because I’m getting ready to write it now!
-Phantom
Interesting stuff. Hope the Syfy schedule gets scarier!
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