Tuesday, October 23, 2012

31 Days of Halloween: Le Sexoflex’s Slumber Party Massacre

This one originally started out as a little history of how I came to love the funky ball of tits (and dongs) from outer space known as Le Sexoflex.
Side note: If you don’t get that reference, you really need to Google “funky ball of tits from outer space”.
But, much like the mighty cock when confronted by cosplay pictures from Dragon*Con, that post grew out of control and became its own entity. I’ll be holding onto that one, Tantric style, waiting for just the right moment to release and douse you all with wordy goodness.
Today I’m just going to talk about the awesome experience of finally getting to see Le Sexoflex perform live, as well as meeting a few of them.
           Le Sexoflex’s Mixxxtape “Invagine the Pussibilities” is one of my favorite things ever. It’s not the sort of music I would usually listen to – lots of techno and pop-influenced music – but it is so well done it cannot be denied. In scouring the internet for all things Le Sexoflex I found references to past Le Sexoflex shows, as well as a few videos. The shows looked like an awful lot of fun and definitely something I wanted to experience. One of those unique sorts of things you just can’t recapture by way of an album. Kind of like seeing GWAR or Cirque du Solei. Kind of both, now that I think about it. Maybe with less bodily fluids. Or not.
Anyway, being a fan of live music I wanted to see Le Sexoflex. And a Facebook post that popped up a couple of weeks ago told me I was going to. All it would take was a visit to a strange, wild place I had not ventured near since after the Monkeys’ Christmas party last year – Mary’s. Atlanta’s Best Gay Bar.
To briefly recap, I went to the Monkeys’ Annual Christmas Party with Evil and Lady Evil. I had opted to go full-on Christmas and wear a bright, red, holiday-looking vest with a Santa cap and a tie with little Santas all over it that lit up and played “Jingle Bells”. Evil was steadily ingesting Gummy Bears that had been soaking in vodka for over 24 hours. Naturally, this led to the decision to go to Mary’s. I had never been before. As a matter of fact, I had only been to one for-real gay bar in my whole life at that point. Nothing against gays or bars or bars that cater to gays, I just don’t happen to be gay and had never felt the need to investigate such an establishment. At least, not until the PCW Sacred Ground Chapter 2 after-party. But that’s another story.
Evil, however, was very familiar with Mary’s and insisted it was going to be awesome. Sounded fine to me. We went over there with Lori Muffinface, Lady Evil, and one other lady whose name escapes me. I feel kind of bad about that because she was very nice and even drove me over there. Once we arrived I realized my Christmas attire probably made me look merry in a way I had not intended; as in Mary merry. But whatever. The place was fun. I didn’t find out until later that Evil was apparently deflecting for me most of the night. I can’t help it. I’m a sexy man.
So last Friday night we ventured into the wilds of East Atlanta and met up with the Monkeys and Lori Muffinface to party like… well, a bunch of dudes.
There was some debate as to the proper attire for the night. It was pretty clear from the flyer that it was a pajama party was going on. They were going to be showing clips from various horror movies as well. This is how I am justifying this post as part of my Halloween stuff. Granted, I don’t actually remember seeing any horror movies, but I was too busy watching the funky intergalactic sex lords getting down. But we decided to dress normally. Nobody was entirely clear on the dress code and it would be a lot more uncomfortable beign the only people in Mary’s in pajamas than it would be to be the only people in Mary’s in clothes. I’m assuming.
Once we arrived at Mary’s Monkey asked if we should go in the front or the back. I suggested that, being Mary’s, we should probably enter in the rear. Because I am fucking hilarious. I didn’t actually even know there was a back entrance because the last time I was there you couldn’t even get halfway down the bar, let alone all the way to the back. There are some steps up to a nice little porch, then you go inside. Mary’s feels very much like a small saloon from an old Western movie. Well, aside from the light-up DJ booth in the front.
We got our beers from the very friendly bartender, then headed upstairs. I hadn’t seen it before, so I figured we might as well check it out. Lori very sternly informed us we did not want to use the bathrooms up there. There was a nice little couch area that was empty so we sat down to wait for the sexy buttfunkin’ to begin. Speaking of buttfunkin’ it didn’t occur to me until after we were situated on the couch that it might not have been the best place in the world to sit. I’m not trying to suggest that wild, untamed man sex has ever occurred on that couch, but I think it’s more likely to have happened there than, say, Bennigan’s. At the very least the bathroom was close enough that a stray, ropy strand of man goo could have easily shot out and spattered on the upholstery. “Ooh, look! Is Spider-Man using the bathroom?”
The party had yet to start at ol’ Mary’s. It was a little sparse when we got there, and Lady Monkey pointed out that we had gone from sitting on their couch, drinking free beer, and watching Wipeout to sitting on another couch, drinking not-free beer, and not watching Wipeout. Yeah, but I bet Le Sexoflex wasn’t going to show up at Casa de Monkey. Almost as if to prove me right, Lori came upstairs and said that Miss Lady Flex and Peep Peep had just arrived downstairs. I was excited.
If you’ve ever looked through my Facebook albums you probably know that I like having my picture taken. Especially with folks I think are cool. So of course I wanted to get my picture with Le Sexoflex.
Here’s my problem. I don’t like bugging people. In every potential picture situation I have to gauge my desire to have a memento of a cool encounter against my aversion to intruding on another individual’s time and space. So just know – if you are in a picture with me I probably have a fairly high opinion of you or something you do.
But I had sort of spoken with Le Sexoflex a bit. Kind of. I had exchanged a few brief messages via e-mail and Facebook, whoever does the most on their FB page knew me from some pictures where I had a Le Sexoflex shirt on, and I also sent a message about Miss Lady Flex’s recent health stuff which got a very sweet response. So they knew of me, if not necessarily personally.
Anyway, I had to get that picture and say hi. So I went down to the bar and standing right there were two beings that must have descended from the planet Funkosexotron XII to deliver the sweet, sticky lovejams to the masses. They were both very fancy. They stood out even among the patrons of Mary's. That’s the first thing I thought. I walked over and got Peep Peep’s attention and pulled the mask out of my pocket, hoping they would recognize it.
They did. Peep Peep’s face lit up - “Oh my gosh! El Phantasmas! We love you!” and he immediately gave me a hug. Miss Lady Flex was also enthused. I’m not gonna lie you guys – I just love it when people know me.
We chatted for a minute and I told them I wanted to be sure and get a picture before the night was over (I didn’t have a photographer with me). They were both just awesomely nice. Probably two of the friendliest performers I’ve had the pleasure of meeting. And I got my pictures.
After that I got a text from the Queen of Crunk saying that she and Bear were on their way, but they were stopping to eat first at Elder Tree. Mrs. Troublemaker had mentioned beign hungry and Le Sexoflex had said they weren’t going on until 11:30, so we walked across the street for some food.
I am pleased to report that Elder Tree had good service, was clean, and had great food. Perhaps most importantly, the music was low enough that we could actually hear each other converse. I tired curry for the first time in my life because it is obviously a good idea to take gastrointestinal risks when you are spending the rest of your night out at a club. But I was fine and whatever the two sauces were that came with my fries were rad. I think the dish was called Duck Fries With Curry Sauce. I was seriously stupid for taking a chance, but I’m glad I did. I think I might be ready to try some Indian food now.
When we got back to Mary’s it was fucking packed. I couldn’t believe the difference in volume of customers that had occurred in less than an hour. We went back upstairs and hung out on the balcony, where we were offered Jell-O shots by one of the many extremely friendly folks there. And that’s one of the things I really dig about Mary’s – everybody is so darn nice. And no – I don’t mean that in a naïve, “Oh, they were all buying me drinks and offering free prostate exams!” kind of way, I just mean everybody was cool. No weird looks or that odd aura of elitism that radiates off of certain groups of people in every bar or restaurant you go to in Downtown Atlanta. Of course, everybody was also much more naked than in most bars.
I was standing next to Lori on the balcony and she leaned over and said, “I think they made it too dark in here; it looks like somebody ran through and stole everybody’s shirts,” and I replied, “Yeah – and distributed beards.” At which point I realized how well I fit in.
You see, I don’t normally sport a full beard. I stick with a sort of jaw-warmer that goes from one earlobe to the other. But sometimes for Winter I grow out my sideburns and mustache and sport a full beard just to be different. And I am currently going beardus maximus for my Halloween costume. Which means both time I have been to Mary’s it just so happened I was sporting the look I think of as Mary chic. I mean, I had my shirt on; but I was fitting in pretty well.
And I’m not going to say I wasn’t a little bit flattered when the bartender downstairs recognized me. No, no – not from earlier in the night. From last Christmas. That’s right. That’s how good I look. With a beard.
Anyway, before too much longer Miss Lady Flex and Peep Peep started hovering around DJ Homosexual’s perch in the DJ booth. It looked like shit was about to get real, son. I didn’t know what the sound quality was going to be like and the lighting seemed terrible, but they had told me they were doing three new songs for the first time live and there was no way I was going to miss recording them. It’s one thing to go to a Mastodon show and record the seven hundredth time they play “Blood and Thunder” (which I did and it was actually pretty awesome), it’s another thing entirely to be in a small venue recording the very first time a group as unique as Le Sexoflex kick out some new jams.
There was no stage or anything, so the Sexoflexers just grabbed a couple of mics and did their thing at the front of the dance floor, surrounded by dancing patrons.
I don’t know the actual names of any of the songs, but you can probably guess from the choruses. The first one was about having sex. Surprise! Miss Lady Flex walked around the front of the crowd, asking, “Mind if I sleep with your boyfriend?” to various dudes. I think this one might have been called “Three’s Company” and could, possibly have been about threesomes. I’m not musical analyst, but that’s my guess. Peep Peep came in after a few minutes and dropped a couple of verses. Both he and Miss Lady Flex were fun and full of energy and it was really cool to see that girl up in front of a bunch of people performing like that after what she’s been through the past year. I don’t often get inspired, but that was pretty inspiring.
The next song was a Halloween song about necrophilia because of course it was. I was really enjoying this one when all of a sudden Vas-D came out of the crowd and joined in out of nowhere! I didn’t even realize he was there, so it was a really awesome moment. Peep Peep passed him the mic and he laid down some silly sex rhymes.
The last song might be called "I'm A Slut". You be the judge.
The only way to make the video watchable was to convert it to this black and white that makes it look like a snuff film from 1932. Or maybe like ti was made over a parking lot’s closed-circuit TV system. I dunno. But it’s the best I could do. The sound isn’t great, but I’ve heard (and posted) worse:

I can’t even tell you how awesome it was to be there and see this live. I probably would have had even more fun if I had been down there on the dance floor, but like I said – I had to get footage. I felt like this event deserved to be captured on video, even if the quality wasn’t as good as I would have liked. But the quality of the performance was awesome. The beats were as good as ever, the rhymes were sick, and everybody was full of energy – nobody was phoning it in.
Oh, and after the show I found the illustrious Vas-D hanging out on the proch:

           I highly recommend you keep an eye on Le Sexoflex’s
Twitter, Facebook, and Tumblr pages. They announced at the show that an all-new Mixxxtape would be coming in January(ish) and I’m really hoping that there are more live performances planned, maybe at a venue with a little better sound and lighting. Don’t get me wrong – Mary’s was the perfect place for the grand return of the sexiest Band In The Whole Muthafuckin’ World. But now my appetite has just been stoked. I want to see a full set in an actual music venue.
Stay tuned – if everything works out I will have a lot more Le Sexoflex coming soon!

Phantom Troublemaker vs. 31 Days of Halloween

If you’re new here or haven’t been keeping up, this is where I give my thoughts on SyFy’s “31 days of Halloween” programming. Obviously I haven’t seen everything I’ll be talking about, but that’s kind of what the internet is all about – talking out of your ass. 
Each day I will cover the schedule from the time my post goes live (usually 11 AM) through the following 24 hours. On Fridays I will cover the whole weekend, which is a huge pain in the ass but also kind of fun.


11:00 AM – 1:00 PM – Hot Set – I still endorse this show. The torture chamber one was really cool and I’m curious to see what other kinds of things they come up with.
Halloween score – 3
Quality score – 3
2:00 PM – 10:00 PM – Face Off – Out of everything on SyFy’s 31 Days of Halloween, this gets my highest recommendation. It is a truly fun show to watch and the contestants are not only talented but very nice. Everybody helps everybody else. I think Face Off’s cast sets a new standard for what a reality show can be. The competition is friendly and healthy and quite frankly a bit more interesting because you kind of want everybody to win.
9:00 brings the newest episode – “The Scene of the Crime” and I’m dying to see exactly what that means. We’re down to the final four contestants and they are all extremely talented. They’ve been teasing the judges getting a little tired of Roy’s work, and Nicole and Laura are both fantastic. Derek really shined in the cyborg challenge last week, but we’ll see if he can continue hanging in there. He’s my pick to be cut this week.
Halloween score – 4
Quality score – 5
10:00 PM – 11:00 PM – Hot Set – “Super Villain’s Lair” – this new episode has the potential to be even more interesting than last week’s.
Halloween score – 3
Quality score – 3
11:00 PM – 12:00 AM – Face Off – A repeat of 9 PM’s new episode.
Halloween score – 4
Quality score – 5


12:00 AM – 1:00 AM – Hot Set – A repeat of 10 PM’s new episode.
Halloween score – 3
Quality score – 3
1:00 AM – 3:00 AM – Husk – It’s another killer scarecrow movie. They’ve already shown it once, but at least it was a couple of weeks ago.
Halloween score – 4
Quality score – 2
3:00 AM – 5:00 AM – Prowl – Naturally I forgot to record this one last time. This is one instance where I’m actually glad SyFy is replaying something.
Halloween score – 4
Quality score – 3
5:00 AM – 8:00 AM – Paid Programming – You know, I might actually go for some of these things if they were offering canvas tote bags, PBS-style.
Halloween score – 1
Quality score – 5
8:00 AM – 11:00 AM – Paranormal Witness – Awesome! I’m off today and there’s a show I actually want to watch! This is a good, spooky show and if you haven’t checked it out it’s great for getting you in a Halloween frame of mind.
Halloween score – 5
Quality score – 3 or 4 depending on the episode

Come back tomorrow for 13 Questions with a band that makes me want to sit on my porch on the bayou at dusk and sip Jack Daniels while watching for vampires and zombies – Southern Gothic Revival!


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