This
one originally started out as a little history of how I came to love
the funky ball of tits (and dongs) from outer space known as Le
Sexoflex.
Side
note: If you don’t get that reference, you really need to Google
“funky ball of tits from outer space”.
But,
much like the mighty cock when confronted by cosplay pictures from
Dragon*Con, that post grew out of control and became its own entity.
I’ll be holding onto that one, Tantric style, waiting for just the
right moment to release and douse you all with wordy goodness.
Today
I’m just going to talk about the awesome experience of finally
getting to see Le Sexoflex perform live, as well as meeting a few of
them.
Anyway,
being a fan of live music I wanted to see Le Sexoflex. And a Facebook
post that popped up a couple of weeks ago told me I was going to. All
it would take was a visit to a strange, wild place I had not ventured
near since after the Monkeys’ Christmas party last year – Mary’s.
Atlanta’s Best Gay Bar.
To
briefly recap, I went to the Monkeys’ Annual Christmas Party with
Evil and Lady Evil. I had opted to go full-on Christmas and wear a
bright, red, holiday-looking vest with a Santa cap and a tie with
little Santas all over it that lit up and played “Jingle Bells”.
Evil was steadily ingesting Gummy Bears that had been soaking in
vodka for over 24 hours. Naturally, this led to the decision to go to
Mary’s. I had never been before. As a matter of fact, I had only
been to one for-real gay bar in my whole life at that point. Nothing
against gays or bars or bars that cater to gays, I just don’t
happen to be gay and had never felt the need to investigate such an
establishment. At least, not until the PCW Sacred Ground Chapter 2
after-party. But that’s another story.
Evil,
however, was very familiar with Mary’s and insisted it was going to
be awesome. Sounded fine to me. We went over there with Lori
Muffinface, Lady Evil, and one other lady whose name escapes me. I
feel kind of bad about that because she was very nice and even drove
me over there. Once we arrived I realized my Christmas attire
probably made me look merry in a way I had not intended; as in Mary
merry. But whatever. The place was fun. I didn’t find out until
later that Evil was apparently deflecting for me most of the night. I
can’t help it. I’m a sexy man.
So
last Friday night we ventured into the wilds of East Atlanta and met
up with the Monkeys and Lori Muffinface to party like… well, a
bunch of dudes.
There
was some debate as to the proper attire for the night. It was pretty
clear from the flyer that it was a pajama party was going on. They
were going to be showing clips from various horror movies as well.
This is how I am justifying this post as part of my Halloween stuff.
Granted, I don’t actually remember seeing any horror movies, but I
was too busy watching the funky intergalactic sex lords getting down.
But we decided to dress normally. Nobody was entirely clear on the
dress code and it would be a lot more uncomfortable beign the only
people in Mary’s in pajamas than it would be to be the only people
in Mary’s in clothes. I’m assuming.
Once
we arrived at Mary’s Monkey asked if we should go in the front or
the back. I suggested that, being Mary’s, we should probably enter
in the rear. Because I am fucking hilarious. I didn’t actually even
know there was a back entrance because the last time I was there you
couldn’t even get halfway down the bar, let alone all the way to
the back. There are some steps up to a nice little porch, then you go
inside. Mary’s feels very much like a small saloon from an old
Western movie. Well, aside from the light-up DJ booth in the front.
We
got our beers from the very friendly bartender, then headed upstairs.
I hadn’t seen it before, so I figured we might as well check it
out. Lori very sternly informed us we did not want to use the
bathrooms up there. There was a nice little couch area that was empty
so we sat down to wait for the sexy buttfunkin’ to begin. Speaking
of buttfunkin’ it didn’t occur to me until after we were situated
on the couch that it might not have been the best place in the world
to sit. I’m not trying to suggest that wild, untamed man sex has
ever occurred on that couch, but I think it’s more likely to have
happened there than, say, Bennigan’s. At the very least the
bathroom was close enough that a stray, ropy strand of man goo could
have easily shot out and spattered on the upholstery. “Ooh, look!
Is Spider-Man using the bathroom?”
The
party had yet to start at ol’ Mary’s. It was a little sparse when
we got there, and Lady Monkey pointed out that we had gone from
sitting on their couch, drinking free beer, and watching Wipeout
to sitting on another couch, drinking not-free beer, and not watching
Wipeout.
Yeah, but I bet Le Sexoflex wasn’t going to show up at Casa de
Monkey. Almost as if to prove me right, Lori came upstairs and said
that Miss Lady Flex and Peep Peep had just arrived downstairs. I was
excited.
If
you’ve ever looked through my Facebook albums you probably know
that I like having my picture taken. Especially with folks I think
are cool. So of course I wanted to get my picture with Le Sexoflex.
Here’s
my problem. I don’t like bugging people. In every potential picture
situation I have to gauge my desire to have a memento of a cool
encounter against my aversion to intruding on another individual’s
time and space. So just know – if you are in a picture with me I
probably have a fairly high opinion of you or something you do.
But
I had sort of spoken with Le Sexoflex a bit. Kind of. I had exchanged
a few brief messages via e-mail and Facebook, whoever does the most
on their FB page knew me from some pictures where I had a Le Sexoflex
shirt on, and I also sent a message about Miss Lady Flex’s recent
health stuff which got a very sweet response. So they knew of
me, if not necessarily personally.
Anyway,
I had to get that picture and say hi. So I went down to the bar and
standing right there were two beings that must have descended from
the planet Funkosexotron XII to deliver the sweet, sticky lovejams to
the masses. They were both very fancy. They stood out even among the patrons of Mary's. That’s the first thing I
thought. I walked over and got Peep Peep’s attention and pulled the
mask out of my pocket, hoping they would recognize it.
They
did. Peep Peep’s face lit up - “Oh my gosh! El Phantasmas! We
love you!” and he immediately gave me a hug. Miss Lady Flex was
also enthused. I’m not gonna lie you guys – I just love it when
people know me.
We
chatted for a minute and I told them I wanted to be sure and get a
picture before the night was over (I didn’t have a photographer
with me). They were both just awesomely nice. Probably two of the
friendliest performers I’ve had the pleasure of meeting. And I got my pictures.
After
that I got a text from the Queen of Crunk saying that she and Bear
were on their way, but they were stopping to eat first at Elder Tree.
Mrs. Troublemaker had mentioned beign hungry and Le Sexoflex had said
they weren’t going on until 11:30, so we walked across the street
for some food.
I
am pleased to report that Elder Tree had good service, was clean, and
had great food. Perhaps most importantly, the music was low enough
that we could actually hear each other converse. I tired curry for
the first time in my life because it is obviously a good idea to take
gastrointestinal risks when you are spending the rest of your night
out at a club. But I was fine and whatever the two sauces were that
came with my fries were rad. I think the dish was called Duck Fries
With Curry Sauce. I was seriously stupid for taking a chance, but I’m
glad I did. I think I might be ready to try some Indian food now.
When
we got back to Mary’s it was fucking packed. I couldn’t believe
the difference in volume of customers that had occurred in less than
an hour. We went back upstairs and hung out on the balcony, where we
were offered Jell-O shots by one of the many extremely friendly folks
there. And that’s one of the things I really dig about Mary’s –
everybody is so darn nice. And no – I don’t mean that in a naïve,
“Oh, they were all buying me drinks and offering free prostate
exams!” kind of way, I just mean everybody was cool. No weird looks
or that odd aura of elitism that radiates off of certain groups of
people in every bar or restaurant you go to in Downtown Atlanta. Of
course, everybody was also much more naked than in most bars.
I
was standing next to Lori on the balcony and she leaned over and
said, “I think they made it too dark in here; it looks like
somebody ran through and stole everybody’s shirts,” and I
replied, “Yeah – and distributed beards.” At which point I
realized how well I fit in.
You
see, I don’t normally sport a full beard. I stick with a sort of
jaw-warmer that goes from one earlobe to the other. But sometimes for
Winter I grow out my sideburns and mustache and sport a full beard
just to be different. And I am currently going beardus maximus for my
Halloween costume. Which means both time I have been to Mary’s it
just so happened I was sporting the look I think of as Mary chic. I
mean, I had my shirt on; but I was fitting in pretty well.
And
I’m not going to say I wasn’t a little bit flattered when the
bartender downstairs recognized me. No, no – not from earlier in
the night. From last
Christmas. That’s right.
That’s
how good I look. With a beard.
Anyway,
before too much longer Miss Lady Flex and Peep Peep started hovering
around DJ Homosexual’s perch in the DJ booth. It looked like shit
was about to get real,
son. I didn’t know what the sound quality was going to be like and
the lighting seemed terrible, but they had told me they were doing
three new songs for the first time live and there was no way I was
going to miss recording them. It’s one thing to go to a Mastodon
show and record the seven hundredth time they play “Blood and
Thunder” (which I did and it was actually pretty awesome), it’s
another thing entirely to be in a small venue recording the very
first time a group as unique as Le Sexoflex kick out some new jams.
There
was no stage or anything, so the Sexoflexers just grabbed a couple of
mics and did their thing at the front of the dance floor, surrounded
by dancing patrons.
I
don’t know the actual names of any of the songs, but you can
probably guess from the choruses. The first one was about having sex.
Surprise! Miss Lady Flex walked around the front of the crowd,
asking, “Mind if I sleep with your boyfriend?” to various dudes.
I think this one might have been called “Three’s Company” and
could, possibly have been about threesomes. I’m not musical
analyst, but that’s my guess. Peep Peep came in after a few minutes
and dropped a couple of verses. Both he and Miss Lady Flex were fun
and full of energy and it was really cool to see that girl up in
front of a bunch of people performing like that after what she’s
been through the past year. I don’t often get inspired, but that
was pretty inspiring.
The
next song was a Halloween song about necrophilia because of course it
was. I was really enjoying this one when all of a sudden Vas-D came
out of the crowd and joined in out of nowhere! I didn’t even
realize he was there, so it was a really awesome moment. Peep Peep
passed him the mic and he laid down some silly sex rhymes.
The last song might be called "I'm A Slut". You be the judge.
The
only way to make the video watchable was to convert it to this black
and white that makes it look like a snuff film from 1932. Or maybe
like ti was made over a parking lot’s closed-circuit TV system. I
dunno. But it’s the best I could do. The sound isn’t great, but
I’ve heard (and posted) worse:
I
can’t even tell you how awesome it was to be there and see this
live. I probably would have had even more fun if I had been down
there on the dance floor, but like I said – I had to get footage. I
felt like this event deserved to be captured on video, even if the
quality wasn’t as good as I would have liked. But the quality of
the performance was awesome. The beats were as good as ever, the
rhymes were sick, and everybody was full of energy – nobody was
phoning it in.
Oh, and after the show I found the illustrious Vas-D hanging out on the proch:
I highly recommend you keep an eye on Le Sexoflex’s Twitter, Facebook, and Tumblr pages. They announced at the show that an all-new Mixxxtape would be coming in January(ish) and I’m really hoping that there are more live performances planned, maybe at a venue with a little better sound and lighting. Don’t get me wrong – Mary’s was the perfect place for the grand return of the sexiest Band In The Whole Muthafuckin’ World. But now my appetite has just been stoked. I want to see a full set in an actual music venue.
Stay
tuned – if everything works out I will have a lot more Le Sexoflex
coming soon!
Phantom
Troublemaker vs. 31 Days of Halloween
If
you’re new here or haven’t been keeping up, this is where I give
my thoughts on SyFy’s “31 days of Halloween” programming.
Obviously I haven’t seen everything I’ll be talking about, but
that’s kind of what the internet is all about – talking out of
your ass.
Each
day I will cover the schedule from the time my post goes live
(usually 11 AM) through the following 24 hours. On Fridays I will
cover the whole weekend, which is a huge pain in the ass but also
kind of fun.
Enjoy!
11:00
AM – 1:00 PM – Hot Set
– I still endorse this show. The torture chamber one was really
cool and I’m curious to see what other kinds of things they come up
with.
Halloween
score – 3
Quality
score – 3
2:00
PM – 10:00 PM – Face Off
– Out of everything on SyFy’s 31 Days of Halloween, this gets my
highest recommendation. It is a truly fun show to watch and the
contestants are not only talented but very nice. Everybody helps
everybody else. I think Face
Off’s cast sets a new
standard for what a reality show can be. The competition is friendly
and healthy and quite frankly a bit more interesting because you kind
of want everybody to win.
9:00
brings the newest episode – “The Scene of the Crime” and I’m
dying to see exactly what that means. We’re down to the final four
contestants and they are all extremely talented. They’ve been
teasing the judges getting a little tired of Roy’s work, and Nicole
and Laura are both fantastic. Derek really shined in the cyborg
challenge last week, but we’ll see if he can continue hanging in
there. He’s my pick to be cut this week.
Halloween
score – 4
Quality
score – 5
10:00
PM – 11:00 PM – Hot Set
– “Super Villain’s Lair” – this new episode has the
potential to be even more interesting than last week’s.
Halloween
score – 3
Quality
score – 3
11:00
PM – 12:00 AM – Face Off
– A repeat of 9 PM’s new episode.
Halloween
score – 4
Quality
score – 5
TUESDAY
12:00
AM – 1:00 AM – Hot Set
– A repeat of 10 PM’s new episode.
Halloween
score – 3
Quality
score – 3
1:00
AM – 3:00 AM – Husk
– It’s another killer scarecrow movie. They’ve already shown it
once, but at least it was a couple of weeks ago.
Halloween
score – 4
Quality
score – 2
3:00
AM – 5:00 AM – Prowl
– Naturally I forgot to record this one last time. This is one
instance where I’m actually glad SyFy is replaying something.
Halloween
score – 4
Quality
score – 3
5:00
AM – 8:00 AM – Paid Programming
– You know, I might actually go for some of these things if they
were offering canvas tote bags, PBS-style.
Halloween
score – 1
Quality
score – 5
8:00
AM – 11:00 AM – Paranormal Witness
– Awesome! I’m off today and there’s a show I actually want to
watch! This is a good, spooky show and if you haven’t checked it
out it’s great for getting you in a Halloween frame of mind.
Halloween
score – 5
Quality
score – 3 or 4 depending on the episode
Come
back tomorrow for 13 Questions with a band that makes me want to sit
on my porch on the bayou at dusk and sip Jack Daniels while watching
for vampires and zombies – Southern Gothic Revival!
-Phantom
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