Though
I did not know it at the time, Darkman
was the movie that made me fall in love with Sam Raimi.
The
movie was released in 1990 in the wake of Batman,
though Raimi had been working on it for a few years. He had wanted
very badly to write and direct a movie about Batman or The Shadow,
but couldn’t get the rights to either of those. So he decided to
write his own superhero.
I feel positive I saw this in the theater, but it was rated “R” and I was fourteen at the time. I almost wonder if my mom went to see it with me. She had cool moments from time to time, even once I turned into a dickhead teenager. Or maybe I just went and bought a ticket and nobody questioned it. I’m not sure. I previously wrote that Hellraiser III was the first R-rated movie I saw in the theater, but now I’m thinking it wasn’t. And I still wasn’t seventeen when it came out, so it wasn’t even the first one I legitimately saw.
I
loved Darkman
from the moment Liam Neeson got blown into the sky by the lab
explosion. From then on out the whole movie is just madness the likes
of which you only find in comic books and the most lurid and low
budget of B-movies. Yet this was no B-movie. It had a full Universal
Studios budget behind it, a new (but very skilled) director, and a
cast of gifted actors in Neeson, France McDormand, and Larry Drake.
The
film clearly combines elements of the aforementioned Batman and The
Shadow, but with a heavy helping of Phantom
of the Opera. I won’t do
a full recap, as that’s not my intention and you should really just
see the movie if you haven’t, but here’s a brief synopsis:
Dr.
Peyton Westlake (Neeson) is working on an artificial skin that will
revolutionize the treatment and recovery of burn victims. His
girlfriend Julie Hastings (McDormand) stumbles across an illegal real
estate deal involving a high-ranking city official and mobster Robert
Durant (Drake). Durant and a group of his goons confront Westlake –
who unknowingly has the proof of the deal – in his lab and blow him
the fuck up when he can’t help them.
We
next find the unfortunate Doctor Westlake in a hospital with burns
over ninety percent of his body. Nobody knows who he is and the
hospital staff have treated him to the best of their ability,
deadening his nerve endings so he will not be in constant pain. This
also removes his tactile senses and increases his adrenal output, so
his brain is destabilized and prone to intense fits of rage and
increased strength.
He
breaks out of the hospital and cobbles together a laboratory that
Doctor Frankenstein would be proud of so he can continue his
experiments with artificial skin and hopefully repair the damage to
his own body. Also, REVENGE.
Eventually
Westlake is able to digitally recreate faces and synthesize masks of
not only his own face but others as well. He begins to infiltrate
Durant’s gang with the intention of destroying the whole operation.
He is visiting Julie at the same time, explaining his absence as
being in a coma and his lack of availability as part of rehab. His
synthetic masks only last 99 minutes in sunlight, the maximum time he
was able to achieve before his research was so violently interrupted.
Many
incredible action sequences later, we get to the big showdown between
a fully revealed Westlake and Durant. The epic conclusion proves that
Darkman is no Batman, and Westlake leaves Julie for a life of
anonymity; knowing that he cannot give her the life she deserves.
The
last face he uses is that of Bruce Campbell, who is listed in the
credits as “Final Shemp”.
Overall
the movie is fantastic to watch. The makeup effects are gruesome and
Neeson’s performance under them is outstanding. I’m still
impressed that he was willing to spend as much time as he did with
the prosthetics on. He’s virtually unrecognizable. It’s not like
he was the hot shit he is now back in 1990, but not a lot of actors
would go for that.
Frances
McDormand was excellent as Julie – very smart and independent. She
was an unconventional choice for the female lead, but the one Raimi
wanted in the role. Larry Drake was amazing. I can’t help but
compare his work as Durant to his role as the mentally disabled
character he played on LA
Law. I was a teenager so I
didn’t actually give a shit about LA
Law, but I had seen enough
of it to be familiar with Drake’s character and think that the
actor was not actually acting. I was absolutely shocked at his
portrayal of Durant. He is an amoral thug with no regard for human
life. Actually, that’s not true – he gleefully manipulates and
destroys human lives. The character is pure evil. The gimmick of
collecting fingers he has removed using a cigar trimmer is sick and
brilliant; one of the more memorable villain habits to come out of
the movies.
Drake’s
performance as Robert Durant is the only reason I gave Dr.
Giggles a chance.
So
after I saw Darkman
I was a little obsessed with it. I put together a Darkman costume one
Halloween, but I can’t remember if I bought a mask or did some kind
of makeup. I feel like it was probably makeup because I still have
most of my masks.
I
collected Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles at the time. I made a lot of
custom figures to go with them out of C.O.P.S. figures since they
were correct scale-wise. I made a Joker out of Bullets McBoomboom,
Batman out of that SWAT-type guy, and Darkman out of somebody else. I
can’t remember who. But I cut up his face with an X-acto knife,
painted it, and cut up little pieces of white masking tape to use as
bandages. I painted Bullets’ hat black to use and I cut up a black
t-shirt to use as his coat. I think the coat even had the upper
portion that hangs over the sleeves. I made a
lot of custom figures back
then. I had a Batman for every scale of figure I had. I wish I had
pictures of all of them. They weren’t great or anything, but I’m
impressed with myself that I took the initiative to do it.
Darkman
was well-received by critics and made a reasonable amount of money,
but the sequels went straight-to-video. Despite that, they are very
good and even more comic booky than the original.
Darkman
II: The Return of Durant
brought Larry Drake back as the titular villain. He is even more
maniacal then he was in the first movie and is super-pissed
when he finds out that Peyton Westlake is still alive. Arnold Vosloo
stars as Westlake and is great. When this one first came out I was
very disappointed that they had recast the lead because I am always
against recasting. I didn’t really know what I do now about how
Hollywood works and stuff, so I was just pissed that Neeson wasn’t
in it. I have since come to appreciate Vosloo’s take on the role.
He isn’t quite as manic, but he has a more powerful presence than
Neeson.
The
third movie – Darkman III:
Die Darkman, Die – has
the best title of any movie, ever. Okay, maybe not, but I love it.
Arnold Vosloo returns as Peyton Westlake and Jeff Fahey plays the
villainous Rooker. I haven’t seen this one or the second one in a
while, but I can tell you they are both worth your time. Both are
available OnDemand right now, so check ‘em out.
Obviously
I can’t discuss something I love without talking about
merchandising. Sadly, Darkman
does not have much. SOTA produced this very nice action figure:
I
know the only other thing I had was a Darkman
movie poster that I lost years ago. I don’t know of any other stuff
that came out. I used to have a Fangoria
and a Starlog
with stories about the movie. I’m pretty sure I’ve seen t-shirts,
though I doubt they were licensed. Sideshow made a quarter scale
figure a few years ago, but those are too damned expensive for me. I
do wish somebody would produce a sixth scale figure.
Darkman
is essentially the movie that made Army
of Darkness happen and
launched Sam Raimi’s career. He made a successful superhero flick
on a reasonable budget and it made money and
received critical acclaim. It’s a fantastic film that combines the
best elements of comic books, classic horror, and action flicks of
the 80’s. There aren’t many movies like it and I doubt very much
we’ll see one that equals it’s wild abandon. I think Evil
Dead, Darkman,
and Spider-Man
would make for a very interesting movie night. As a matter of fact,
I’m going to make that happen soon.
Phantom
Troublemaker vs. 31 Days of Halloween
If
you’re new here or haven’t been keeping up, this is where I give
my thoughts on SyFy’s “31 days of Halloween” programming.
Obviously I haven’t seen everything I’ll be talking about, but
that’s kind of what the internet is all about – talking out of
your ass.
Each
day I will cover the schedule from the time my post goes live
(usually 11 AM) through the following 24 hours. On Fridays I will
cover the whole weekend, which is a huge pain in the ass but also
kind of fun.
Enjoy!
12:30
PM – 2:30 PM – P2
– I’ve been meaning to watch this thriller about a parking garage
for a couple of years now, but only because Rachel Nichols is in it.
Halloween
score – 3
Quality
score – 3
2:30
PM – 5:00 PM – Hannibal
– I’m not sure I buy this. SyFy is pretty bad about replaying
things during October, but two days in a row at relatively the same
time seems lazy even for them.
Halloween
score – 4
Quality
score – 4
5:00
PM – 8:00 PM – Shutter Island
– Same goes for this. And I don’t think they needed three hours
to show it yesterday. Something’s weird here.
Halloween
score – 4
Quality
score – 4
8:00
PM – 10:00 PM – WWE SmackDown
– I don’t even watch this anymore.
Halloween
score – 0
Quality
score – 2
10:00
PM – 11:00 PM – Haven
– Being that I am a huge Stephen King nerd you’d think I would
have watched this show. I haven’t even given it a chance. I guess I
should, but I really can’t stand Xander’s best friend.
Halloween
score – 3
Quality
score – 3 (It’s probably an okay show)
11:00
PM – 12:00 AM – Alphas
– This again?
Halloween
score – 0
Quality
score – 2
SATURDAY
12:00
AM – 1:00 AM – Haven
– A repeat of the 10 PM episode.
Halloween
score – 3
Quality
score – 3
1:00
AM – 3:00 AM – The Hills Have Eyes 2
– Good creepy flick that will make you want to stay out of the
desert. I mean, if you’re dumb enough to have wanted to go in the
desert in the first place.
Halloween
score – 3
Quality
score – 3
3:00
AM – 5:00 AM – Toolbox Murders
– This movie is good and fucked up. Juliet Landau is interesting to
watch as somebody who is absolutely nothing like Drusilla.
Halloween
score – 5
Quality
score – 3
5:00
AM – 6:00 AM – Scare Tactics
– I have a confession to make: I watched an episode of this the
other day and laughed. Not a lot, but a little. It was about a
super-gay black guy who got hired to scare this lady, only some old
lady walked in and he gave her a heart attack. He was so
gay, you guys. And he was
dressed as a giant spider the whole time, but not, like, a monster
spider. Like a singing telegram spider – know what I mean?
Halloween
score – 5
Quality
score – 3
6:00
AM – 9:00 AM – Paid Programming
– This is hopefully the longest batch of infomercials we’ll see.
This one will pay for a sequel to an existing franchise that hasn’t
had the misfortune to hit Direct-to-DVD yet. Like, we might get a
sequel to Rob Zombie’s
Halloween movies here.
Except it would be directed by his little brother. Spider
Zombie’s Halloween Thr33.
Or something.
Halloween
score – 1
Quality
score – 5
9:00
AM – 11:00 AM – The Haunting In Connecticut
– This was pretty good and creepy. Not a bad addition to that rash
of exorcism movies that started coming out a few years ago.
Halloween
score – 4
Quality
score – 3
11:00
AM – 1:00 PM – The Amityville Horror (2005)
– I liked this remake. I thought Ryan Reynolds was great as a
psycho and the movie itself moved along more quickly than the
original. Something about it wasn’t quite as real or scary, though.
But I dug it.
Halloween
score – 5
Quality
score – 3
1:00
PM – 3:00 PM – The Amityville Horror (1979)
– Still one of the scariest movies of all time. Those eyes in the
window – AAAAAAAAAHHHHHH! But it does drag in places.
Halloween
score – 5
Quality
score – 4
3:00
PM – 5:00 PM – Ghost Town
– I don’t think this is the terrible movie starring Ricky
Gervais, I think this is the not-so-terrible movie starring Billy
Drago.
Halloween
score – 3
Quality
score – 2
5:00
PM – 7:00 PM – Haunted High
– This is exactly what it sounds like.
Halloween
score – 4
Quality
score – 3
7:00
PM – 9:00 PM – House of Bones
– Huh. Huh. I doubt this is what it sounds like. If Bones
starring Snoop Dogg - or Lion Snoop or Big Baby Woodstock Grill or
whatever the fuck he’s calling himself – had been a Universal
movie this would be the sequel.
Halloween
score – 5
Quality
score – 2
9:00
PM – 11:00 PM – American Horror House
– I'm putting this one over big time. I strongly suggest you go
check out Tuning In ToSci-Fi TV
for the summary.
The
reason I'm putting this one over is that I will be a guest on the
Saturday B-Movie Reel Podcast
with one of the fine folks I met at Dragon*Con. I'm not sure when
it'll go up, but I'll let you know. And as far as the movie goes, it
looks like it's pretty much trying to cash in on the return of
American
Horror Story,
which I am boycotting due to a disgusting lack of Alexandra
Breckenridge.
Okay,
I'm not really boycotting, but dammit.
Halloween
score – 5
Quality
score – 5
11:00
PM – 1:00 AM – The Amityville Horror (1979)
– A replay. I'm mildly surprised they're showing the original again
and not the remake.
Halloween score
– 5
Quality score –
4
SUNDAY
9:00
PM – 11:00 PM – American Horror House
– A
movie so nice they're playing it twice.
Okay,
so they always do that. But check out the podcast whenever it goes
up!
Halloween
score – 5
Quality
score – 5
3:00
AM – 5:00 AM – 100 Feet – The
story of fifty zombies who have to cross Death Valley to find fresh
victims.
Not
really. I'm a big enough man to admit when I was wrong. I bagged on
this movie when they showed it last year. Then I watched it – only
because I felt like looking at Famke Jannsen – and it was pretty
creepy and good. Check it out.
Halloween
score – 4
Quality
score – 3
5:00
AM – 6:00 AM – Scare Tactics
– I love Tracy Morgan, but I hate this show. I went off about it
enough last year, I don’t feel like doing it again.
Halloween
score – 5
Quality
score – 1
6:00
AM – 9:00 AM – Paid Programming
– I'm going to take advantage of SyFy's ad time to recommend some
Halloweeny bands to you: Calabrese, The Casket Creatures, Kill Baby,
Kill, and The Mystery Men? Can all spook up your month. The latter
two are surf rock, but plenty of their tunes are creepy and kooky
enough for the Season of the Witch.
Halloween
score – 1
Quality
score – 5
9:00
AM – 9:30 AM – Scare Tactics
– “Toxic Shock”. Yes, really.
Halloween
score – 5
Quality
score – 2
9:30
AM – 11:30 AM – The Messengers
– Like I said the other day, this is actually a pretty okay movie.
Just don;t think about Twilight
and give it a chance.
Halloween
score – 4
Quality
score – 3
11:30
AM – 1:30 PM – Scream of the Banshee
– I saw this movie when I was on vacation in Ireland. I mean, not
this one, another one. It was called Cream
of the Banshee
and it cost $14.95 to watch from the motel room. There was definitely
DVDA.
Halloween
score – 4
Quality
score – 3
1:30
PM – 4:00 PM – The Village
– I so badly want to just say, "I fucking hate M. Night
Shyamalan and his stupid movies," but I really like Unbreakable.
Like, a lot. Dammit.
Halloween
score – 2
Quality
score – 1
4:00
PM – 7:00 PM – The Devil's Advocate
– I would also like to just write this movie off, but Al Pacino is
so awesome as Satan. He just chews the fuck out of the scenery, as
Pacino does. Otherwise this is one boring fucking movie.
Halloween
score – 2
Quality
score – 3
7:00
PM – 9:00 PM – Jeepers Creepers 2
– I really like both of these movies, but it bothers me a lot that
the guy that made them is a pedophile.
Halloween
score – 5
Quality
score – 3
9:00
PM – 11:30 PM – The Mist
– One of the very best horror movies of all time, and easily the
best Stephen King adaptation. Frank Darabont is a master.
Halloween
score – 5
Quality
score – 5
11:30
PM – 1:30 AM – Mothman
– Mothman scares the fuck out of me. I won;t be watching this.
Halloween
score – 5
Quality
score – 3
MONDAY
1:30
AM – 3:30 AM – Thor: Hammer of the Gods
– No. Not only is this movie a fucking travesty despite starring
"Big Sexy" Kevin Nash, it is in no way Halloweeny. FAIL,
SyFy. This is the worst entry so far.
Halloween
score – 0
Quality
score – 2
3:30
AM – 5:30 AM – Monsterwolf
– This, on the other hand, sounds awesome.
From IMDB:
From IMDB:
A
group of people who represent an oil company find new ground to drill
for oil but then accidentally unleash a wolf-like creature. The
creature wrecks havoc in the town and can only be stopped by the last
surviving native American.
Halloween
score – 4
Quality
score – 5
5:30
AM – 6:00 AM – Twilight Zone
– "A Quality of Mercy". Not so Halloweeny, but are there
any bad episodes of this show?
Halloween
score – 3
Quality
score – 3
6:00
AM – 8:00 AM – Paid Programming
– Only two hours today. I will be asleep.
Halloween
score – 1
Quality
score – 5
8:00
AM – 8:30 AM – Twilight Zone
– "The Purple Testament". This is what I'm calling my
memoirs.
Halloween
score – 3
Quality
score – 3
8:30
AM – 11:00 AM – Paranormal Witness
– Good show. Watch it. Creepy.
Halloween
score – 5
Quality
score – 4
Come on
back tomorrow for what will probably be another spooky toy review.
-Phantom
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