Wednesday, October 10, 2012

13 Questions With Fifty-Two Ways

The first time I saw these guys they were opening for the Tone Deaf Pig-Dogs (because that’s the only time I ever see new local bands). They were very talented, but their set was a mess. They were very good at playing the many different styles of the punk rock music that the kids like, but seeing all of those styles coming from the same band was disorienting.
I said as much here.
For some reason they really liked that and sent me Friend Requests on Facebook. We’ve chatted a few times and hung out at a couple of cons since then. Weird.
            Now they’re making these videos. These weird, funny videos that don’t really have anything to do with punk rock. But they’re really funny. Here:

What’s up with that? The production is pretty good and the guys are hilarious. Like, I would follow this show on YouTube. And it’s perfect for Halloween, which is why I asked the guys if they wanted to do a Q&A for 31 Days of Halloween. They agreed, and what follows is… well… it’s all them.

Here are Hoax T. Massacre and Kasper Chaos of Fifty-Two Ways:
  1. Where were you born and what is one way that place has effected you as a person?
A: Gravedale. well it's guess it's made appreciate the unattractive side of things. life's not always vibrant and cheerful.

  1. What was your favorite toy when you were a kid?
Hoax: For me it was Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles without a doubt. Kasper's a bit older than myself so I'd prob'ly say a slinky or blocks er somethin' like that. Right? they even have toys when you were a kid? what'd you play with? dirt?
Kasper: Shut up. I played with my radio-flyer.

  1. What is one album everybody should own?
H: Our album of course.
K: yeah. "No Brainer part 2" is a must have.
H: But seriously, Everyone needs Apparitional by Blitzkid and anything by Buddy Holly.

  1. Is your current occupation a career?
H: It's a curse, not an occupation or a career. we have no choice but to rock the Earth forever. and I'm stuck with him.
K: You did it to your damn self, man. I didn't play around with the Ouija board. You did.

  1. If so, how and when did you realize that? If not, what are you working towards?
H: Well, long story short, I met this chick right? and i totally didn't know she was into dark magic and witchcraft. Well she got real jealous one night fer no reason at all. She told me to "drop dead". Then I did, So, then I Realized that  it was in the sense of, like, bein' "undead". I read a few books on curses and shit like that, but I guess I'm not the best reader in the world, 'cause instead of breaking my curse, I totally summoned a ghost instead.
K: that's me.
H: (rolls eyes) anyways, i was lucky 'cause he plays guitar. So now we're a band. and we wander from place to place, spreading our Ear-Bleeding Melodic Terror.

  1. Who is your favorite wrestler and why?
H: The "Wolf Man" Larry Talbot. totally makes me wanna be a werewolf. Awesome Shades and  the Lycan Elbow off the top rope. AAAAHHHHHHOOOOOOOOOOOHHHH YEAH! totally the Wolf Man
K: Whatever man."The Heartdrain Kid" Count Dracula. He's the man. He's got the Coffin Kick. best finish, move ever.
H: NOW WAY! Wolf Man, would kick the shit outta Dracula.
K: In your dreams.
H: pssshh. whatever. stupid old man.

  1. What are the best shoes you’ve ever owned?
H: Uh.... the ones I'm wearing. They seem to have lasted the longest. They stink though. I'm not even sure Kasper's shoes are even real.
K: They're not. just looks like shoes. it's all ecto. but i turn'em into PF Flyers for special occasions.

  1. How did you become involved with Fifty-Two Ways?
H: Wul, there's a local station in Gravedale, where we're from. Station 52. They liked what we were doing and thought we could bring some life to the stiffs in our town. (turns to Kasper) Get it?... life?... Stiffs?
K: we get it man.

  1. Which actor do you feel like you could sit and watch for hours no matter what they were doing and why?
H: hmmmm. John C. Reilly. Hilarious dude. He actually played one of My heroes Dewey Cox. or the man Himself Vincent Price.
K: yeah, I'll have to agree John C. Reilly

  1. What inspires you to do what you do?
H: Life... er.... Afterlife actually. There's so many things lurking in the shadows that people don't understand, things people don't really wanna know about. That's where we come in. We cram the darkness down their through with a lil' melody and a whole lotta fun. makes it easier to stomach for' em.
K: yeah

  1. What is something you cannot wait to see or have more of?
Both: BEER! duh.

  1. Is there a movie that should never be remade and if so which one?
H: "Rick". if they ever remake "Rick" as soon as i break the spell, I'll kill myself. it's a masterpiece.
K: I liked "Rick Lives" a lot

  1. Closer – can you sell me cold on your current project?
Having trouble with the living world. The Mainstream creeping you out? Then come underground with Fifty Two Ways. For Hoax and Kasper, Everyday is Halloween. These life-starved-music-makers are definitely the After-life of the party. Combing Poppy-punk riffs with Horrifying imagery to create their special breed of Ear-Bleeding-Melodic-Terror. Accompanied by their loyal roadie know only as "Goggle", this Oddball team wonders the Earth. Rocking it forever. Whether they like it or not, because it is their curse. Taking them from running into the likes of Vampires and Witch doctors, all the way to WRESTLEVANIA! This marks the first in a series of web-i-sodes. Chronicling the ups and 6-foot-downs they encounter along the way. The WRESTLEVANIA  5 promo is only the beginning. They also have a bunch new songs to debut in music videos all produced by and starring Fifty Two Ways. Stay Gold. Stay Dead. Walk Hard.

I got nothing. Follow these loons on Facebook and be entertained. 
Phantom Troublemaker vs. 31 Days of Halloween

If you’re new here or haven’t been keeping up, this is where I give my thoughts on SyFy’s “31 days of Halloween” programming. Obviously I haven’t seen everything I’ll be talking about, but that’s kind of what the internet is all about – talking out of your ass. 
Each day I will cover the schedule from the time my post goes live (usually 11 AM) through the following 24 hours. On Fridays I will cover the whole weekend, which is a huge pain in the ass but also kind of fun.


11:00 PM – 4:00 PM – Ghost Hunters – Oh, how I loathe having to come up with something new to say about this ridiculous show every time SyFy carts it out. And we’re not even halfway through the month! I’m going to have to come up with some kind of gimmick here.
Halloween score – 5
Quality score – 0
4:00 PM – 8:00 PM – Paranormal Witness – Rather than being a show about a bunch of people chasing around silly ghost stories after the fact, this show actually reenacts silly ghost stories. So it’s pretty good and creepy. Much better formula.
Halloween score – 5
Quality score – 3
8:00 PM – 1:00 AM – Ghost Hunters/Paranormal Witness – This is the new episode flip-slop that SyFy does every night. Paranormal Witness is offering up one called “The Cabin/Ghost In the Garden”, which sounds interesting and spooky. Ghost Hunters, on the other hand, has “Paranormal Politics”, which sounds dumb. But I’m going to have to check it out to see what the heck they’re doing.
Halloween score – 2
Quality score – 4


1:00 AM – 3:00 AM – The Dunwich Horror – Oddly enough, Lovecraftian movies tend to be entertaining regardless of the budget or the amount of actual talent involved. I wonder why that is? SyFy doesn’t specify, but I’m betting this isn’t the 1970 one starring Dean Stockwell. It’s probably the 2009 version starring… Dean Stockwell? Wait, what? I knew it! Dean Stockwell is one of the Old Ones!
Halloween score – 5
Quality score – 3
3:00 AM – 5:00 AM – Clive Barker’s Book of Blood – I’m gonna have to set the DVR for this one. I didn’t even know it existed. But I don’t think anybody could or should watch HP Lovecraft followed immediately by Clive Barker. That’s gonna fuck you up. In the head.
Halloween score – 4
Quality score – 3
5:00 AM – 8:00 AM – Paid Programming – Tune in. Order a combination home workout gymnasium/potato peeler/penis enlarging vacuum tube and help Hippopotamonster: Terror of the Plains got into production.
Halloween score – 1
Quality score – 5
8:00 AM – 8:30 AM – Twilight Zone – “The Fever”. I’m sure this is somebody’s favorite.
Halloween score – 3
Quality score – 4
8:30 AM – 9:30 AM – Paranormal Witness – A replay of last night’s new episode.
Halloween score – 5
Quality score – 3
9:30 AM – 11:30 AM – Pterodactyl – It’s funny – I hadn’t looked ahead yet, but I was going to call the fake SyFy movie I referenced under “Paid Programming” Pteroducktyl: Revenge From the Stone Age and I didn’t think it was all that funny. Now I wish I had, but it’s too late. I’m not sure how Halloweeny dinosaurs are, but they’re always rad and I’m pretty sure we can trust SyFy to present them in the most horrifying, pejorative way possible. So there’s that.
Halloween score – 2
Quality score – 3

Come back tomorrow for… something. I’m not sure yet. But I guarantee there will be more SyFy coverage because I’m getting ready to write it now!


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