When
I first heard of the rumored connections between Ridley Scott’s
masterpiece Alien
and his newest movie, Prometheus,
I set my mind to avoiding any and all spoilers. Scott himself seemed
to be doing his best to deflect questions about this and even the
studio was somewhat coy about revealing too much for a while. I
didn’t click on any links, I scrolled past pictures any time I saw
them, and I didn’t “Like” the movie on Facebook. I was
determined to go into Prometheus
with as little information as possible and experience it with a
completely open mind.
But
anyway, back to Prometheus.
I knew I was going to see it as soon as I possibly could. I worked
last night so I couldn’t do the midnight show, but I had planned on
going as soon as I got up in the morning. Then Monkey texted me and
said he was going tonight so I changed plans. And amazingly enough, I
have made it to this point without having anything too significant
spoiled.
I
know more than I would like to – I won’t go into details in case
you don’t know as much as I do – thanks to that certain breed of
person that absolutely delights in sharing details about things no
matter how many times you tell them you don’t want to know:
Mr.
Spoilerpants – “Hey, man – did you see the new Prometheus
trailer?”
Me
– “No. I’m avoiding all of that because I don’t want to know
anything until I see it.”
Mr.
Spoilerpants – “Well it’s awesome. The xenomorphs are totally
in it and it explains how Ripley’s dad was the guy that found them
and how they’re actually mutant Sea Monkeys and that ship from the
beginning of Alien
is actually the microscope that the giant race that hatched the Sea
Monkeys used to look at them. It’s really awesome!”
Me
- ***STAB***
So
I’ve kind of heard a few things, but nothing specific enough to
really
make me want to stab anybody.
So
I’m super-excited about seeing Prometheus.
I
know this is hardly an uncommon sentiment – particularly amongst
nerds – but I fucking love the Alien
movies. Each one has a little something different to offer. A new
variation on a common story.
Aliens
was the first one I saw. It was at a friend’s birthday party. There
were a couple of years where when anybody in my circle of friends had
a birthday we would all spend the night at their house and watch
movies. I don’t remember how old I was or how we managed to get a
copy of the R-Rated Aliens,
but at the time it was the greatest thing I had ever seen. There was
nothing – and this still holds true – fake about those aliens at
all. Not one second where you got taken out of the movie and thought
they looked like dudes in rubber suits or computer graphics. The
aliens were unstoppable and the Colonial Marines were badass. I think
that’s a big part of what made the aliens so scary – the fact
that the Marines were well established as tough hombres from the
start and that in a matter of minutes these aliens reduced them to
either mincemeat or gibbering wrecks.
The
technique was very much like what the best wrestlers understand and
use – the best way to get yourself over is to put your opponent
over. Talking shit about your opponent and short-selling their
abilities before a match makes a victory over that person
near-meaningless. You just beat somebody who you said sucks. But if
you build your opponent up to be the biggest, meanest badass on the
planet and then you beat them, what does that make you? Aliens
successfully built the Colonial Marines up to be the best of the
best, the galaxy’s elite. The guys that get called in when
everybody else has had their asses kicked.
And
then the aliens absolutely destroyed them.
My
favorite characters in Aliens
have always been Bishop and Burke. Yes, of course Ripley, Hicks,
Hudson, and pretty much everybody else except Newt are awesome (sorry
– I still find Newt highly irritating); but those two are
outstanding.
Lance
Henrickson is exactly the right amount of weird to pull off an
android. He is tremendous in the role of Bishop and the character’s
story is my favorite in the movie. He does what he does. He
maintains. Despite the abuse heaped upon him he soldiers on,
eventually performing the second most heroic deed of the movie
(though it is just in his programming – thank you, Mr. Asimov) and
earning Ripley’s trust.
Burke,
on the other hand, is a complete shitbag. I love him. Paul Reiser
plays Burke perfectly as one of the very best corporate villains in
movie history. Although I still want to know how he thought he was
going to get by after he locked the remaining Marines in with the
aliens.
Naturally
after seeing the amazing, fast-paced shoot-em-up that was Aliens
I wanted to see its predecessor. I don’t remember when or how I saw
it, but the first time I tried to watch it I couldn’t make it
through. I fell asleep during some of the talky-talk at the beginning
and wrote it off as boring. I didn’t go back to it for a while. As
a matter of fact, I might not have watched the original in its
entirety until around when Alien
3
came out. I do remember feeling like I needed to watch the first two
before seeing the third and I’m pretty sure I watched Alien
and then Aliens
with a group of friends before we went and saw Alien
3.
Alien
is a very scary movie. If there were two movies that I wish I could
wipe from my brain and experience fresh with no prior knowledge they
would be Alien
and Jaws
(thought
I just realized I would have to wipe two whole franchises away as
well, not to mention decades of references to those franchises).
The
first Alien
just took more maturity to enjoy than its sequel. You have to be
patient, but it rewards you big time. It is one of the most tense
movies I have ever seen and the atmosphere works every time. When
that damn cat goes running off it still makes me nervous.
Alien
3
was quite a departure. It had a completely different feel from the
previous two movies, neither of which had particularly resembled the
other. It was a weird combination of more real and gritty while at
the same time seeming even more fantastical than the others. I don’t
know quite how to explain it. The world seemed more real – I
suppose because it actually took place on
a world – but the characters and situation almost seemed like a
fantasy story.
The
prisoners were such Seven Dwarfs-type characters. As a matter of
fact, there was a certain Snow
White and the Seven Dwarfs
quality to the whole movie. I suppose I could write a whole post
about that, but if you’ve seen it you know what I’m talking
about. Each of the prison inhabitants was a very specific archetype
and they all had to coexist with this woman who was running away from
certain death. And Ripley definitely ended up with a poisoned apple.
I
thoroughly enjoyed Alien
3
and at the time I was the only one I knew that did. Every one of my
friends disliked it and wrote off the franchise. Something about its
weird atmosphere just caught my eye. Little did I know at the time
that two of the people involved would go on to do even more
interesting things. We all know David Fincher – the director –
has made a couple of moderately successful movies since then. But one
of the prisoners went on to become the eighth incarnation of
everybody’s favorite Time Lord. Paul McGann played (whatever) in
Alien
3
and would step into the TARDIS just three years later.
Alien:
Resurrection
seemed like it took forever to come out. Everybody pretty much
thought Ripley died at the end of the last movie, so even if there
was another sequel, we all assumed Sigourney Weaver wouldn’t be in
it. How naïve we all were.
When
the fourth Alien
movie was announced we learned that not only was Sigourney returning
as Ellen Ripley, but that the movie would also feature Winona Ryder
(remember her?) as an android. Not to mention Ron Perlman, who was
already busy cementing his reputation as a go-to smart/bad ass.
Who
else would like to see Perlman as Jayne Cobb’s long-lost
brother/uncle/father in the never-gonna-happen return of Firefly?
Resurrection
was the most Hollywood-ified of the four movies. While I definitely
found it enjoyable, there was a certain over-produced hollowness to
it. It felt like a soulless popcorn flick, and no matter what you may
think of the other three movies; they all had the feel that they were
special in some way.
The
fourth entry also gave us the hideous xenomorph/human hybrid:
Ugh.
I used to have a toy of that. No idea what happened to it.
But
anyway, I enjoyed each of the four original movies in different ways.
Speaking
of toys, this would hardly be a Needless Things article if I didn’t
at least mention the tons of wonderful toys this franchise has given
us and how absolutely fucking ridiculous it is that they were ever
even made and marketed to children.
You
see, long before McFarlane Toys or NECA had the license to make
action figures based on the Alien
movies, Kenner had those rights. They produced an often-referenced
but rarely seen (in person) 12” figure of the alien from the first movie back
in 1979. It’s terrifying and I can’t imagine what lunatic thought
it was a good idea.
Kenner
kept that license alive throughout the toy boom of the 90’s by
producing an absolutely insane number of variations on the titular
xenomorphs. Aided by the comic books from Dark Horse and the “dog
alien” from the third movie, Kenner came up with the genius idea to
make figures of alien hybrids and market them to children even though
there was never any kind of media aimed at children. No cartoon, no
breakfast cereal, nothing. The toys sold by reputation alone.
I
collected the heck out of these and wish so badly that I still had
all of them. I have fond memories of the bull alien, the gorilla
alien, the snake alien, and a giant queen. Kenner also produced
Ripley and some of the Colonial Marines. It was a thriving toy line
for years until it finally ended up going straight to the “Clearance”
bins at Kaybee. At the time of the Hasbro/Kenner transition, Hasbro
produced a line of Signature Series figures aimed at collectors.
These were 6” scale and featured more detailed, realistic
depictions of the xenomorphs. That’s the line the human/xenomorph
hybrid came from.
And
then McFarlane Toys got the license and things got even more
realistic. We got movie-specific likenesses of the various aliens (which are what you've been looking at in this article - from my own collection), as
well as a great Hicks figure that I still have around here somewhere.
These were all much nicer, more articulated figures. Oh, and
McFarlane also got the Predator
license. The reason for that is a movie that I’m not going to
mention here. But you know what I’m talking about.
Now
NECA has the license and I have yet to buy any of their toys. I still
have the McFarlane ones and I find those to be pretty darn good.
That’s
about it, you guys. I just wrote almost 2,000 words about the Aliens
franchise to talk about Prometheus
and I still don’t even know for certain that the two are related.
Because that’s how I roll.
-Phantom
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