Monday, January 30, 2012

Matty Sucks Part 2: Suckage Rides Again!

It is about fucking time, Matty.

I’ve been waiting well over a month to shit all over you for the debacle that was your December Club Eternia experience. Uh, I mean, waiting a month for my figures to arrive. has been going through some crazy-go-nuts drama since about the middle of December. First was the issue that led to Demo Man being delayed, which led to Battleground Evil-Lyn being delayed in what I have to say was one of the most irritating and customer displeasing moves I have ever seen a company make.

If you don’t know, Demo Man and Evil-Lyn were supposed to ship in December. The full supply of Demo Man did not arrive at the warehouse, so Matty decided to delay shipments of December Club Eternia items until an unspecified time in January. Despite the fact that the other Club item – BG Evil-Lyn – was there waiting to be shipped. In my opinion Matty should have just eaten the shipping costs on Demo Man and sent Evil-Lyn out right then. The real kick in subscriber’s nuts came when the cherry-pickers – people who do not have subscriptions because they have brains in their heads – started getting their Demo Man figures weeks before subscribers had even gotten their shipping notices. I really, really wanted to punch a Matty employee in the face at that point.

Good ol' ToyGuru goes on and on all the time about how important subscribers are to the Masters of the Universe Classics toy line. How they drive sales. How “management” bases their budget off of subscriptions, so we had better all be good Little Jimmys and subscribe every July or the line could lose SKUs or get more expensive or even end entirely! ToyGuru will even go so far as to talk passive/aggressive shit about cherry pickers sometimes, to the point where the forum members will get sand in their vaginas and start crying about not being able to pay their bills or having their cars repossessed trying to buy these toys.

And look – I am a consummate cherry picker. There aren’t more than ten toy lines that I have collected every figure from, and I’m talking 36 years of collecting, here. If I don’t want figures, I don’t buy them. But with the MOTUC line the percentage of figures I have to have + figures that are neat enough to own > figures that I do not want. So I subscribe. I’m not going to bitch about who we get (except for the stupid fucking Star Sisters) because I agreed to buy whatever they shit down the pike. But I take exception to shoddy treatment of what should be perceived as preferred customers. Don’t make your loyal, obligated cash cows be the ones to wait.

The next thing that happened was a massive shuffling of the Club Eternia schedule for the entire first half of 2012. This was also due to problems Matty had getting their product from whatever crooked third world pirate ships them across the ocean.

So while the original lineup had looked like this:

ToyGuru explained that now the stupid fucking Star Sisters would ship in January and Sorceress and Fearless Photog (who others might describe as “Stupid Fucking Photog” but whom I happen to like, mainly because of this) were going to be moved back to February. He then further explained the shipping schedule for the first six months of the year:

And provided the caveat that things might change even more.

Also, they would no longer sell figures unless they were all in the warehouse ready to go.

I personally do not give a shit about any of this. Matty can shuffle up the figures all they want as long as I get something every month. And I know even that is not guaranteed in the sub, but c’mon – I don’t think it’s too much to expect. But I have absolutely no problem at all with the schedule change-up.

Some folks do.

I particularly like the morons who are complaining about figures being pushed back a month and saying they won’t have the money in February for figures they were expecting in January. DON’T SPEND THE THIRTY BUCKS, YOU MORON. Put it in your Snoopy bank or under your pillow or ask your mommy to hang onto it for you for a month. You knew you were going to need that money for a figure. Don’t be stupid. If your electric bill got delayed a couple of days or even a few weeks for some reason would you just go ahead and buy a new video game system with the bill money?

Also, Matty is offering refunds for the Green Goddess figure. I don’t have one of these and don’t want one, but from what I understand the hips shatter into a billion pieces if you so much as fart in the same room with one. This refund was only offered after years of pressure from customers and the recent debacles that have been plaguing the company. On this note, I say good for Matty. They’re doing the right thing for once. I know a refund won’t replace that pathetic, shattered figure, but it’s something. I just hope Matty doesn’t produce a new one because I don’t want the thing.

Obviously, despite what ToyGuru likes to claim in his missives, Matty is absolutely ridiculous and unacceptable.

The man will frequently make comparisons to retail toy lines as far as delays, quality control issues, and cost; but then will turn right around – sometimes in the same post – and remind people that MOTUC is not a retail line and juts doesn’t have the budget or support for whatever the heck he’s babbling about at the time.


I will give ToyGuru all the credit in the world for even talking to his customers or addressing concerns, regardless of how dismissive or condescending he may be. There are often nuggets of sincerity and truth in what he says and no other toy line that I can think of has as much communication as the Matty lines, even if the statements are often fraught with deception and corporate double-talk. The guy also takes a lot of abuse in his own forums and deals with it pretty darn well. As snarky as some of his official posts and updates are, he never gets above a certain level; even when dealing with some of the outright dickheads that post in the Ask Matty section – the ones that are deliberately stirring up trouble.

So to sum up:

The Demo Man/Evil-Lyn thing was some horseshit. Matty should have handled it better.

The shuffling of the schedule through June is meaningless. I don’t care. The possibility of further shuffling is also meaningless. Whatever.

The Star Sisters are fucking stupid, but there will be a surprise twist in my review!

Oh, and I am now officially sorry I subscribed to Club Infinite Earths, the one for DC figures. They’ve basically admitted it is going to be a line of repaints. Supposedly since they didn’t have enough subscribers they can’t do any new tooling. I would try to stop payment on my credit card, but I’m afraid it might fuck up my MOTUC sub.

Well, crap. This was supposed to be the intro for my Demo Man review, but I’ve hit 1,000+ words, so I am going to be a cheap bastard and call it a post unto itself. If it makes you feel any better, I took a whole extra picture for it! Check back tomorrow for Demo Man. Lord knows what I’m going to come up with for an actual intro.


  1. Yeah, I wasn't listening to that guilt trip BS from them- fuck 'em. Sure, if I like something retail they put out I may buy, but they jack everyone around with that subscription nonsense, fuck that

    1. I feel pretty stupid for having the sub sometimes, but for me it's better than missing a figure or stressing because I have to work the day one goes on sale. No internet at work, so I'm screwed without the sub.

  2. You seem a bit upset. :^D

    Mattel's treatment of their subcribers is awful. I don't understand why people put up with it. I have zero interest in the MOTU line, and after reading about all the fans' woes about it, I am very glad.

    It seems to me, that if people are unhappy with a company's customer service, QC issues, etc., they should just stop buying. I know though, that toy nerds are a unique breed, and need to satisfy their every desire. I used to be this way, until I realized that I didn't need every toy the minute it was released. I could eventually get it, often for a lower price than it was initially sold for.

    This has certainly helped me through Hasbro's handling of the distribution of their Star Wars toys. I have eventually gotten all the figures and vehicles I wanted/needed.

    As a last thought: I feel bad for the Toy Guru. He not only has to explain to crazed fans about issues he obviously has no control over, but he also has to answer to his corporate overlords who only care about profits, and not such minor matters like, "customer satisfaction", "quality control", and the like...

  3. Yeah. I have no patience. And there are still Star Wars figures I've never even seen at retail. GI Joe as well.
    And Toy Guru makes his own bed. He's probably an okay guy doing what he can, but he doesn't do himself any favors. I wonder how old he is. He seems very immature to me.

  4. "ask your mommy to hang onto it for you" rotflmao! i wish i could post that on the forums when those idiots complain about that!

    1. While I totally think you should do that, you probably shouldn't.