Thursday, December 15, 2011

Teela Review... Oops, No - Tapered Off Into An Old Man Rant

I feel like I should be doing posts about Christmas, but I’ve been doing posts about Christmas for three years now and there’s only so many times you can talk about how much you love Elf or egg nog. And besides that, the general tone of the world has just got me down a bit. Not November down, mind you – I’m just thoroughly irritated by all the secular hatred and derision towards Christmas. We’re living in a mean, hateful world and sometimes it really bugs me.

We’re also living in a world where half of the population is looking for things to get offended about and the other half is too scared of offending anybody to stand up and suggest that maybe people ought to just act right. And that’s kind of what it all boils down to – just act right. But people don’t know how to act right. I think we’re to the point in this country where manners and consideration have been so neglected that there’s no coming back. People are being raised now – and have been for the past twenty years or so – that don’t even know what politeness is. They’ve never even been taught what it means to be respectful of others, so I think it doesn’t even occur to them that don’t have to act like a douchebag.
Cursing in public is a huge problem. I know I use plenty of colorful language here on Needless Things, but this is my blog that you have to had found on your own and if you don’t like the way I write then you have probably already fucked off without my invitation to do so. But to walk around a Target or Toys R Us or Six Flags using profanity in a loud, clearly audible voice is just rotten. I can’t even conceive of the kind of mindset that makes it okay to do that around kids, old people, or even just adults that you don’t know. Obviously being in a bar or a club or something is a different story, but to just be in a standard public setting cursing like that is inexcusable. I think these people should be immersed in large pools of feces for a number of hours equivalent to the number of curse words they used. And if you’re wondering what qualifies as cursing, this is my personal list of no-no words:
or any variations thereof, plus the Super Naughty Word that I almost never use at all:
as well as any discussion of Santa Claus other than what is appropriate for kids, and you know what I mean here. I’m going to end up in jail if somebody of legal age ever messes that one up for Lil’ Troublemaker. Seriously. Did you guys hear about the second grade teacher that told a whole class of seven-year-olds? Holy shit. I don’t even know what I would have done in that situation. What kind of thoughtless, heartless person would even be capable of such a thing? What a horrible lack of respect for other people. I’m not saying everybody has to do the Santa thing, but why in the world would you spoil it for people that do? And while I’m on the topic, if people want to believe in God, Jesus, Allah, Vishnu, or a Flying Spaghetti Monster, let them. What business is it of yours? Unless their Flying Spaghetti Monster tells them to kill you or wants them to force you into worshipping the Flying Spaghetti Monster or living by the Flying Spaghetti Monster’s rules. Then there’s a problem.
And finally the combo word that I really, really don’t like and never use but that seems to be one of the most common words used in conversational English today (especially in my workplace):
It’s funny how this word has become so common in our increasingly secular and atheistic society. It really drives me nuts when a forum that has made claims to being family-friendly and has specifically stated that they avoid profanity decides that using that word is okay for some reason. I am, of course, speaking of here. I know I pick on them a lot, but it’s because it is one of my favorite sites, which means I go there a lot and see every little thing they do. Such as claim to be profanity-free and then let their contributors use that particular word all the time. But they’re far from the only place that happens. Plenty of Prime Time TV shows are comfortable throwing that one out there.
Back to the whole cursing in public thing, consider this: Can you even begin to imagine walking up to someone and asking them if they could please not curse? It’s not an unreasonable request. But I’ve done it and people act like you just spit in their faces. Same thing with people talking in the movie theater.
Oh, man, and then there’s the times when the cursing individuals are actually employees of the place. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been in Walmart and heard the employees just casually throwing around profanity while they stock shelves or whatever. I mean, obviously Walmart is kind of a shithole, but you’d think somebody would be aware of such things. Once again, it comes back to a lack of standards or a fear of enforcing them.
Imagine you’re the manager of the automotive section and you hear one of your subordinates say, “Shit, motherfucker. I din’t touch that bitch. She be fuckin’ wilin’ and shit, yo.” You could go and tell him that such language is not appropriate in public and certainly not while he is on the clock. But you don’t really know this guy, all you know is that people are crazy as hell and he may well be waiting for you by your car after work so he can shoot you in the face for disrespecting him. You’ve got a wife and a kid to feed. You don’t want to get shot just to enforce some standards that are, quite frankly, archaic by modern definitions. Heck, may as well go snort some blow off a hooker’s ass after work, right? Why not?
This is almost word-for-word and actual conversation I overheard between two employees at a TJ Maxx the other day:
Dude 1: “And I said fuckin’ for real? ‘Cuz ain’t no goddman way I be feelin’ that.”
Dude 2: “Look, nigga, that’s the kind of fuckin’ bitch you don’t wanna get shot fo’. I mean, she just a fuckin’ bitch, right? There be shit you gonna pull yo’ piece about, but that bitch ain’t shit, nigga.”
These two lovely individuals were stocking shelves in the toy section and talking about a girl that was in the process of walking away from them.
What made the whole experience even more awesome was that I had just come from Barnes & Noble, which is a lovely place full of pleasant, respectful people. The customers and the staff are both great pretty much without exception. It’s a great atmosphere and the really tragic thing about it is that everywhere used to be like that. Barnes & Noble is how all stores used to be. People were quiet and polite and there to buy their goods. Employees knew how to answer questions and direct people to what they were looking for, all without saying “fuck”. Customers would go about their business, picking up their items and saying, “Excuse me,” if they needed to get past or maybe even smiling and nodding when they walked down the aisle beside you.
So Barnes & Noble is still like this and TJ Maxx is not. I likened the experience of going from the former to the latter to enjoying a delicious lasagna and then being served a bowl of turds.
I’d also like to take a moment to head off some criticism – I am not talking about any specific races here. I have experienced inappropriate public behavior from every race. Black, white, Asian, Hispanic; whatever. Everybody is capable of being a rude douchebag. It just seems like the first two I mentioned are more capable.
Actually, it causes me no end of amusement that the worst elements of both of those hate each other so much and are exactly the same. They are both the worst offenders of the public cursing thing, they both value ignorance over knowledge, they both listen to terrible music. Pretty darn funny.
And while I’m on my crusty old man rant, let me also point out that the internet is ruining civilization.
Filth is readily available like it never was before. Interpersonal relationships aren’t real. It’s all boiled down to what words you choose to type into a queue rather than natural, back-and-forth conversation. Even if you’re not blatantly pretending to be somebody else (and I’m not talking about a pseudonym here, I mean if you’re actively lying about who you are in order to deceive somebody), you’re still only revealing the very best of yourself or the bits that you want others to know about. They don’t know the real you, they know your fucking avatar. I’m guilty of this and I bet you are too. But I try. Over on Facebook and here I do my best to be as genuine as I can and share the good with the bad.
As far as the filth goes, I know people like to say that well-adjusted folks are unaffected by things, but I think that’s a load of crap. Folks like to claim that playing Grand Theft Auto or watching Saw isn’t going to harm kids if they aren’t already a little messed up. Or maybe that cursing in public isn’t bad because they’re going to hear it at some point anyway. That’s all a bunch of lazy people talking who don’t want to be responsible for their kids’ development and who don’t have the discipline or self-respect to tell their kids, “no.” I tell my son “no” all the time and it isn’t easy and it isn’t fun but I don’t want him to grow up to be an asshole.
But anyway, it’s a proven fact that repeated exposure to things makes you immune to them, both physically and mentally. And you may not realize just how much of your soul you’ve lost. Or for you atheists out there, I’m not sure how you define all of the things that make you compassionate and caring and conscientious of others when you don’t believe in God, but let’s just say humanity.
Here’s my example:
The Devil’s Rejects is one of my favorite movies. Like, a Top 5 always. My Top 5 sort of rotate depending on what day it is, but the movies that populate the list stay pretty consistent. So anyway, I love that movie.
One night when the guys were over I decided to show it to Angry Matt, Pobre, and Rescue John. They hadn’t seen it and I was excited to share a favorite movie. Now, I’ve seen a lot of really fucked up movies. Lots of Italian and Japanese stuff, other stuff that I’m not getting into. So Devil’s Rejects, while pretty messed up, is not that big of a deal to me. The other guys were pretty disturbed, and they’re no soft touches. Angry Matt is big into horror, and even he said it made him uncomfortable. At first I kind of thought they were just being pussies, but the more I thought about it, the more I realized that I really am pretty jaded to the sort of violence and psychological abuse that prevails in the movie. And it’s all from exposure.
And now, thanks to the internet, people are exposed to all kinds of things they never would have been and are getting desensitized to all of it.
I’m not saying that I’m the sort of guy that checks out porn on the internet. But if you didn’t know, there is an awful lot of porn on the internet. Try Googling anything with SafeSearch off. So once upon a time, in younger, innocent America, a Victoria’s Secret catalog with nary a visible vagina or nipple or – heaven forbid – anus was enough to get a young man… excited. Nowadays, thanks to the nigh-limitless resources of the internet young men can find literally anything of a sexual nature. Barely-concealed nips aren’t enough. Now it takes an elephant with a strap-on sodomizing a roller-skating midget to get… excited. It’s too much. Everybody has access to everything and it’s making a planet full of dumb motherfuckers think they’re smarter than they are.
I don’t know what my original point was, but this started off as review of the Masters of the Universe Classics Teela figure. Maybe that’ll go up tomorrow. Clearly the internet has ruined me.
Until next time, stay creepy


  1. I agree with almost everything you said. I don't consider damn to be a curse word, but I can understand why you consider Goddamn one. I was raised in a Roman Catholic family, and went to Catholic school for 9 years(I still have my faith). I am guilty of cursing in public, but not too often or loudly(and I usually apologize if someone(especially children or females) hears me. I've curbed this a lot, as I realize it is disrespectful, and I wasn't raised to be an asshole.

    The reason Barnes & Noble is the way it is, in my opinion, is because intelligent, educated people(for the most part) are their customers. It really annoys me when employees(of any public business), talk the way(like your example) they do, when they are within earshot of customers. Not only do they look bad, but they're making the company they work for look bad as well.

    It also amazes me at what kids know these days. And you can't say that's the way the world is now, because it is a parent's responsibility to know what their kids are doing, and monitor their activity(and also to educate them on how to be a decent person). There are people who like their porn, and if they're over 18, that's their business. And your right, the internet has ruined this. I remember when even a Playboy was a score in my circle of early teenagers(it wasn't often, and all male adolescents find their old man's stash at one point). In this world, nobody is letting kids be kids, and that's sad. There is no need for kids in grade school(or middle school for that matter), to have a Facebook or a cell phone.

    I didn't want to go on and on, but I feel better now. The point is, I agree with 99.9% of everything you said in this post.

    And The Devil's Rejects is an awesome movie(somewhere in my top 20).

  2. Hooray for advancing age and declining tolerance! Also I can't believe I left "Wankel Rotary Engine" off my dirty word list.