Tuesday, June 29, 2010

Fantasy Casting: The Smurfs

I watched the Smurfs when I was a kid. I think we all did. It’s funny to see all of the toys that have been released now with no cartoon or movie support, because I would have smacked a deacon to get my hands on those when I was a little kid. Who wouldn’t want Papa Smurf’s mushroom house and a handful of little, blue creatures to cavort around it? Well, I guess I wouldn’t now because I haven’t bought any.

Regardless, I still have more fondness for the little blue guys than I would have guessed. After seeing the teaser for the new movie I realized that if it were done right (odds are roughly 10,387,062-to-1 against), The Smurfs would be a film I could get fairly interested in. But only if it had this cast:

Papa Smurf – Jim Beaver
Brainy – Andy Dick
Smurfette – Kristin Chenoweth
Hefty – Patrick Warburton
Jokey – Tracy Morgan

Grouchy – Stephen Wright
Dreamy – Tommy Chong
Clumsy – Kevin James
Chef – Eric Idle (doing his ridiculous French accent)

Vanity – Anthony Stuart Head
Handy – Bruce Campbell
Scaredy – Jason Alexander
Sloppy – Brian Posehn (doing a drunk guy)

Harmony – Jack Black (only speaking in song)
Painter – Whoever does the best Bob Ross impersonation
Poet – muMs da Schemer
Farmer – Cheech Marin (hangs out with Dreamy a lot)
Tailor – William H. Macy
And last, but not least…

Gargamel – Michael Emerson

Granted, all of this is pointless since the movie is already cast and will, in all likelihood, suck. It’s still fun to think of what could have been, though. Maybe I should do this for the Shirt Tails before somebody craps all over that…

Come back tonight at midnight for an extra-sexy Troublemaker Late Nite movie review!

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