Top Ten Dorky Songs

Many dorks end up being musicians – most likely for the promise of sweet, sweet poontang. Even more dorks are big fans of music; to the point where some dorks’ sole obsession is music. As a result of these things there are an awful lot of songs out there about dorky and/or nerdy stuff.

From Star Wars to comic book characters to math and science; most things considered niche by the general population have been harmonized about. Here are a few songs from the Troublemaker Collection that best exemplify the infusion of nerd culture into music.

10 – mc chris – Fett’s ‘Vette

This is a song about Boba Fett. Let me clarify – this is a rap about Boba Fett. And it is fucking kickass. mc chris specializes in what is probably the most unlikely sub-genre of music ever conceived: nerdcore, or, raps about dorky shit. This isn’t really his dorkiest track, but it is my favorite and is probably his most well-known. Fett’s ‘Vette was featured in the Star Whores segment of Kevin Smith’s Zack & Miri Make A Porno, which made a really funny fucking scene even funnier.

9 – The Mr. T Experience – The History of the Concept of the Soul

See that title up there? That is exactly what this punk song is about. Pretty nerdy.

8 – Megadeth – Hangar 18

Leave it to Dave Mustaine to blow one of the greatest government conspiracies of all time wide open – with his guitar! When uptight douchebags James Hetfield and Lars Ulrich kicked poor ol’ Dave out of Metallica for wanting to write songs about aliens, werewolves and post-apocalyptic warfare (or maybe they were just too cool to hang out with a non-functioning alcoholic), he went into business for himself. Mustaine got together some tremendously talented dudes and started cranking out some of the most technically proficient and nerdy metal ever. Hangar 18, along with its accompanying effects-laden video, is one of Megadeth’s greatest – and nerdiest – accomplishments. My buddy Matt was just in love with that little baby alien.

7 – Blackalicious – Chemical Calisthenics

Blackalicious kind of picked up where De La Soul fell off… er, left off. Creating clever, conscientious hip-hop without being heavy-handed about it. The group doesn’t really tend toward overt dorkiness, but this recitation of the periodic table blended with rapid-fire rhymes and an upbeat tempo earns a spot on the list.

6 – John Carpenter (and the Carpenterettes – or something) – Big Trouble In Little China

John Carpenter is well known for scoring his own movies. Hell, one of the most recognizable horror themes of all time came from the guy – Halloween. Some might say, though, that he went too far with this one. In 1985, Carpenter recorded this hilariously awful new wave-infused track to go along with my favorite movie ever. He never should have done it, but I sure am glad he did.

5 – They Might Be Giants – Why Does the Sun Shine?

We want you, to want… the sun…

This is actually a cover of a 1959 children’s song that is a scientific explanation of the chemical processes of the sun. Nerds.

4 – Less Than Jake – Summer Nights

There are few things dorkier than a ska/punk band covering a song from Grease. As a matter of fact, I can only think of three…

3 – Anthrax – I Am the Law

This is a song about British comic book icon Judge Dredd (NOT the Sylvester Stallone version) by the greatest and dorkiest thrash-metal outfit in the world. It basically retells the story of Judge Dredd up to the point that the song was written. And rocks your fucking face off. Just to solidify Anthrax’s nerd cred, they’ve produced no less than four songs about Stephen King’s work and one about Medusa.

2 – The Ramones – Spider-Man

The seminal American punk rock band released a number of dorky songs – Texas Chainsaw Massacre (took my baby away from me), (I don’t wanna be buried in the)Pet Sematary – but their cover of the Spider-Man cartoon’s theme song takes the cake as the dorkiest of all.

1 – The KLF (performing as The Timelords) – Doctorin’ the TARDIS

This is easily the King Nerd of Dork Mountain of all songs ever recorded. First, it is done to the tune of Gary Glitter’s Rock N’ Roll, Part II – which is at this point pretty fucking dorky on its own merits. Secondly, the song is performed by The KLF - a British acid house duo known for a certain level of self-aware nerdery. Thirdly, it is a song about Doctor Who containing samples from the long-running science fiction television program.

Oh, and fourthly (spellcheck tells me that is, indeed a word) it segues beautifully into the next week-long celebration I have planned here on Needless Things:

DOCTOR WHO WEEK!

To get everybody all psyched up for the Doctor’s U.S. return on April 17^th, I’m doing five days of Doctor Who posts. That’s right, next week, all week long, I’m going to be kicking out the Doctor Who jams for your entertainment and enlightenment. Also, be sure to check out ForTheRetarded.com for an extra-special feature praising my second-favorite television show of all time!

(Sorry, Doctor. I don’t see Ms. Summers losing that crown any time soon.)