Wednesday, March 31, 2010

Toy Review: Masters of the Universe Classics Moss Man (unflocked ears) by Mattel

I never intended to get so caught up in Mattel’s Masters of the Universe Classics line. I had some He-Man toys as a kid, but it was never one of my big obsessions. When Mattel put out the Four Horsemen sculpted updates in 2002 I bought a good number of those because they looked so awesome but, like everybody else, was frustrated by the availability of the line.

When Mattel started offering these latest updates through I really wasn’t that interested. I knew I’d get Trap-Jaw (my longtime favorite MOTU character) whenever they got around to him, but had no plans to collect more. The high price of the figures contributed a lot to that decision. Twenty bucks a piece plus around nine bucks shipping is a little (a lot) steep for one seven-inch action figure.

And then came Scareglow. As soon as I saw the pre-production photos last year, I was in love. This guy was almost like a figure custom-made for me. A glow-in-the-dark skeleton with a purple cape. What could be better? I wasn’t even familiar with the character, I just knew that when MattyCollector offered him in November I’d be ordering.

Having been a Sideshow customer for years, I knew all about being online and ready to order when a new product is offered. I was sitting in front of the PC with my finger on the “Buy” button right at noon when Scareglow became available. I’m not going to go into the pros and cons of Matty’s process here since I’ve already gotten four paragraphs into my Moss Man review without mentioning Moss Man (until now), but suffice it to say if you don’t do what I just described you aren’t getting your MOTU figure. Which I found out when I was forty minutes late getting online for Trap-Jaw day (It’s okay, though. Matty has already said they’ll be offering him again later this year and believe me when I say I’m going to be up for that one).

So anyway, between the awesomeness of Scareglow (whose review is here) and the excitement of the process involved in getting these guys, I’ve kind of been sucked into the new MOTU stuff. I’m certainly not buying everything, but I did pick up Skeletor (whose review is here) when they offered him and I just couldn’t say no to The Pine Scent of Justice. I’m eyeing several future offerings as well, such as Optikk and Evil-Lyn. Hell, I might even have to pick up Mer-Man when they re-issue him in May. And there's Hordak in April... DAMMIT MATTEL!

First Glance: I could smell piney freshness as soon as I picked up the mailing box. Seriously. Mossy actually looks even cooler in person than he did on the website, and the bonus head is fantastic. Very reminiscent of Swamp Thing even though it looks nothing like him. The flocking looks great.

Sculpt: Naturally, Moss Man shares a sculpt with Beast Man. While I have never been a fan of farmed parts, I do appreciate when it is done for reasons of nostalgic accuracy. It is extra-awesome that Mattel threw in the new head, which I believe is representative of the one from the 2002 line. Both heads look really good. I prefer the new one. It fits Moss Man’s character better. I find his furry loin cloth even more amusing than I normally find such things because it suggests that Moss Man not only has some sort of jungle junk to cover up but also that he is modest. I don’t even want to know what kind of fan fiction has been written about Moss Man’s presumed penis.

Design: This is where Mossy kicks all kinds of ass. Not only is his flocking absolutely amazing, but he is the piniest motherfucker you’ve ever smelled.

First, the flocking. There are at least three different colors of flocking used to create a very nice forest effect and it is applied evenly and solidly. I thought I would end up with green shit all over my hands and photo area by the time I was done with pictures, but the shedding was minimal. A lot of people apparently had issues with the joints not being flocked. I find this to be fucking stupid. The only alternatives would have been an unarticulated statue or no flocking and either of those would have sucked so bad I wouldn’t have bought the figure. I think Mattel handled it perfectly.

Now on to the scent. It is incredibly strong but inoffensive. To me, at least. Also, the smell doesn’t come off on your hands. I will now turn things over to my wife for a brief mini-review:

Toy Review:
Masters of the Universe Classics
Moss Man (unflocked ears)
by Mattel

By Mrs. Troublemaker

This thing smells fucking disgusting.

Well. Thanks for that.

Accessories: Moss Man includes a mace with a hook on the end, a knife, the alternate head and… well, a purse. With a sheath on it for the knife. The mace is really cool and the hook on the handle looks pretty brutal, but that is kind of offset by the… purse. I guess the fact that the knife stows on the purse mans it up a tad, but a purse is a purse.

Packaging: The standard MOTU Classic blister that you open and throw away. It looks nice, but as an opener; I really don’t care unless it is resealable.

Overall: I highly recommend this figure, but with a caveat: he is SUPER-FUCKING PINEY! If you have a low tolerance for smells or share limited space with someone else with a sensitive sniffer, I’d say skip it. Moss Man is great, but he’s not worth the grief I guarantee your roommate/significant other will give you over his outstanding odiferousness. Our whole entire basement is pine-fresh, and we’re talking about over eight-hundred square feet. Think about that.

Mossy is sold out on MattyCollector, but you can find him for around thirty-five bucks from online retailers like BigBadToyStore; or you can wait until Mattel offers him again – which they have confirmed they will.
4 out of 5

No fucking way am I buying Stinkor, though.


  1. This review was hilarious and accurate. My significant other said to "get that thing outta here".

    1. Oddly enough I just got the new outer space Harley Quinn from DC Collectibles. It comes with a scented pizza alien that smells like rotten fish anus. It's a fantastic sculpt, but it might have to go.