Friday, February 26, 2010

Vintage Troublemaker - Life - A Funny Thing Happened At the Club...

I used to work security at a night club downtown called the Masquerade. A lot of things happened in the two years or so that I worked there. Some of them were funny, some were not. I remember some more clearly than I remember others, for various reasons, most of which involve alcohol or another, less liquid substance that makes you hungry. Hopefully committing these memories to print will stimulate the 'ol hat rack enough to recall more.

Monday, February 22, 2010

Vintage Troublemaker - Movie Review - Indiana Jones & The Kingdom of the Crystal Skull

This was my very first post on my MySpace blog. It's kind of funny, because I just re-watched the movie with Mrs. Troublemaker on Saturday night. I wanted to see if it was as bad as I initially thought, and my wife had never actually seen it. It turns out I was too kind in my review and Mrs. Troublemaker still hasn't seen about seventy-five percent of the movie. 
And doesn't want to.

According to her, "That fucking sucked. And it wasn't even Indiana Jones."


Here's my review from June '08:

Friday, February 19, 2010

My Ten Favorite Movies - and then some

This list was a little easier than the one about movies that should die. The only tough part here was trimming it down to ten. One major difference between the two lists is that I am going to step up and list my favorites in order of preference. Any time I am writing something like this I use a simple “would I rather” system; as in, “Would I rather watch Garbage Pail Kids: The Movie or Citizen Kane?” Obviously, GPK moves further up the list.

These are all movies that I can watch again and again. If I come across them while channel surfing – or guide surfing or whatever – I will almost always get up and put the DVD in to watch it. These all came from a larger list that was generated off the top of my head – not from staring at my library.

I am not including multiple entries from one series or creator. This kept the other article from devolving into an all-out assault on Doctor Uwe Boll (not that that would be uncalled for, it just wasn’t my goal) and will prevent this one from being all movies from John Carpenter and Lucas and Spielberg.

Here's the jump

Thursday, February 18, 2010

My first post here! Hope it doesn't suck...

Ten Movies That Should Die

Hi there! I’m Phantom Troublemaker! I’ve been writing for quite some time on a MySpace blog that four people read, so I thought I'd open up shop here to increase my visibility. Over the coming months I’ll be submitting a combination of exclusive content and republished material - or “Vintage Troublemaker” – for your approval or lack thereof.

I write because I have the time. I have a wretchedly boring job that occurs in twelve hour shifts, so I am somewhat prolific against my will. I want to entertain, but my main motivation is making time go by. This means that there is not much of an editorial process between my brain and my fingers. What you read is pretty much how the thought occurred to me. My facts may not always be right and my tone certainly may not always be nice, but I think it is more fun for everybody if you get honest, unfiltered me. Except, of course, for the fact that I write from under a mask and a silly pseudonym.

I’m not going to lie – I get a little thrill every time my number of blog views goes up on MySpace. I love the thought that I am entertaining people with what I write. If I am making even one person laugh, smile or recall a fond memory with my brain-gibberish; then that is an awesome side effect of how I make the interminable hours go by.

Now that all of that is out of the way, here’s my great idea :

I'm starting with a best ever and worst ever set of movies. I think that would make a decent introduction to people who haven’t read my stuff .

So I’m doing the tough one first. It is really difficult to make a list of shitty movies. I’m not talking about gems like Things or The Room. Those entertain the hell out of people, even if it is in a different way than the creators intended. I’m talking about movies that have some quality that is so unpleasant that I wish I had never seen them and hate that they even exist. If you think about it, you probably haven’t seen nearly as many horrible movies as you have awesome movies. Speaking for myself, I try to avoid movies that don’t appeal to me. This cuts down on the amount of movies I see that I don’t like. Therefore, this list was frustrating to create.

I am not including foreign movies or multiple entries from one series or creator. Believe me, I was tempted to just type in “All of Uwe Boll’s movies” and call it a night. These are all movies that saw theatrical release – no SyFy Originals or straight-to-video; nobody should pick on the retarded kid. I’m also not putting these in any specific order other than how they occurred to me, because I hate them all almost equally. I’ve seen most of them only once (for obvious reasons), so forgive me if I overlook some minute detail. Check it out after the jump.